18mo taking 45mins-1hr to settle at BT-please help

[*foxy*]

We had a bit of an unsettled night. It wasn't too bad though but I am a little disappointed.

She squeaked at 11pm but self settled (yay!) But then woke at 2am crying out 'mama' and took about 20 mums to settle with a bit of help from me. Then she woke up really upset at 3am and dp got her into bed with him. She settled in about 2 minutes. So I'm not sure why she was so unsettled compared with the previous night. The good thing is is WU was 6am again so we have gone backwards with that. Is it usual to have a couple of good nights and then have a not so good one?
Yesterday she was more grumpy than usual and a lot more sensitive, there were tears over the smallest things. She hasn't been like that for ages. Teeth or just OT maybe?

[Kay Dee]

Sorry you had a rough night

Is it usual to have a couple of good nights and then have a not so good one?

When this happened for us it usually meant UT, in that after a couple of good nights LO was all caught up on missed sleep and so then had an unsettled UT night.

Have you been sticking to the 1hr 45min nap? If not, I'd try to stick to it for a few days to see if it helps, say three days. And if it doesn't you may need to cap a little more.

Of course, if you feel she was OT last night then capping may not be the way to go, but my hunch is UT since she had those two good nights under her belt IYKWIM.

What do you think?

[*foxy*]

Hi

Yes, we've been sticking to 1 hour 45 min naps, she's had 12.30-2.15 today. She's been very very clingy with me and has dark circles under her eyes. It's so hard to know what to do. We've given her pain meds before bed just incase its teeth.

We'll see how tonight goes.........

[clairebear79]

(((hugs))) hun.  I get it - my DS has been the same.  She probably IS overtired.  The grumpy behaviour, clinging, dark circles all suggest OT, as do the wakings at 11ish & early morning restlessness.  I think the difficult thing is, she's been fighting BT & doing lots of short nights.  SO she's bound to be tired.  To add to this, you've pushed her nap out later AND you are now capping the nap to try & address the BT resistance/short nights.  Do you instinctively feel that cutting the nap is helping her settle at bedtime   I know on day 1 it did, but we are now a few days further in

At the end of the day if you feel she is struggling, you can by all means offer her a catchup nap, or perhaps a one-off earlier nap & BT & see if she'll pull a longer night, I just worry you may get another lengthy BT battle if you allow her to nap for longer.

Can you remind me what is her EASY looking like ATM???  Is she doing 5hrs A time to BT or is it longer?  If longer, perhaps try an earlier BT???  I find with my DS that any more than 5hrs A seems to cause OT.

[*foxy*]

Hi Claire

Our EASY looks like this at the moment:

Wake 6am
Nap 12.30-2.15
Bedtime 7.30 (She's in her cot at around 7pm)

She settled really well tonight, my dp started off putting her down but she got upset so I went in (I should've left him to it) and she was asleep within 20 mins which was great and I hardly did anything apart from calming after she got upset, just by putting my hand on her back until she was calm and she fell asleep all on her own.

I was just a bit worried about her today as she wouldn't even go to her grandad who she loves and sees a lot. She just cried and cried when I left the room. And I don't know why!

[clairebear79]

Firstly yay for the much better settling at BT!!!  That's really great!

Hmmm its still a shortish night/long day isn't it.  Well, I think I'd perhaps stay with it a few more days, if she's still waking at 6 & seeming unhappy during the day, since it is a long day you could always try giving her the 2hr nap again & see if this helps to mop up any OT & see how she settles at BT now you have done the GW - though if you did do that I'd probably not put her into bed until 7.20ish or she may be UT & get cross & therefore take a long time to settle.  If she goes down just as well at BT & you get an even earlier WU you then know for sure that a 2hr nap is too long.  Then again if it risks EW I don't know how appealing that is?!  Or I suppose you could try shortening the nap a bit more, by doing 12.30-2pm, but if you do this I think she will definitely need an earlier BT, perhaps nearer to 7pm.  And then hope upon hope that she'll pull some longer nights.

[*foxy*]

Thanks Claire

I'll see how the next few days and nights go. I'll stick with what we're doing at the moment and hope that she starts pulling longer nights.

If she does start waking later (fingers crossed!) Say 6.30/7am do I still stick with a nap between 12.30-2.15 unless I think she needs less sleep and then I'll do 12.30-2? I think if she does start having nights of 11.5 hours (which would be AMAZING!) then she'll only need 1.5 hour naps.

[clairebear79]

If she does start waking later (fingers crossed!) Say 6.30/7am do I still stick with a nap between 12.30-2.15 unless I think she needs less sleep and then I'll do 12.30-2? I think if she does start having nights of 11.5 hours (which would be AMAZING!) then she'll only need 1.5 hour naps.

I would do.  If she is overtired ATM, then if she starts to wake later, keeping the nap at the same time will help her catch up.  Of course if she resists the nap then you would have to push it later.

I think if she does start having nights of 11.5 hours (which would be AMAZING!) then she'll only need 1.5 hour naps.

Its funny b/c I said this exact same thing on my own thread about my DS!  If they do a longer night they will cope much better with the shorter nap & fare better overall b/c their day will be shorter.  Its just getting them there that's the hard part!  Nap capping is a scary prospect, especially when you have EW thrown in, but you might just find that its capping the nap that makes her sleep for longer at night & gets you to ^^^there.x

[*foxy*]

Ok, I'll do that if we get later WU's

She's woken at 6am again ...........BUT she slept through the night without even a squeak which is fantastic So I'm hoping that a more settled night might help with her being OT maybe?

[clairebear79]

BUT she slept through the night without even a squeak which is fantastic  So I'm hoping that a more settled night might help with her being OT maybe?

Its got to help.  It might take a while for her to get caught up.  Hang in there!

[*foxy*]

She's up at 5.20am this morning
NW was 1.45am and ended up in bed with me

Yesterday was exactly the same as the day before:

Wake 6am
Nap 12.30-2.15
BT 7.30pm

She was so exhausted by BT yesterday. Do I just keep going? That would mean a 7 hour am A time today.

[clairebear79]

Honey we had something very similar last night so I have to say I'm doubting myself & my words of wisdom right now.  Our weekend went:

Sat
Wake: 6.10am    (10.5hr night which followed a longer nap of 1h 55mins yesterday)
Nap: 12.15-2.00 (I did an early nap b/c I thought he might struggle given the short night)
BT: 7.00            (early bedtime to make the day shorter & hopefully enable him to catch up)

Sun:
Wake: 7am         (yay 12hr catch up night!)
Nap:  12.45-2.30 (I decided to push his nap 15mins later from its usual 12.30 to get us back to a 7.30pm BT.  CO 55mins & was inconsolable for an hour when I woke him)
BT:     7.25         (asleep very quickly)

Mon:
Wake: 6.55
Nap: 12.45-2.30  (at nursery.  They said he was the happiest he's ever been while he was there today)
BT:   7.55          (put down at 7.20 as usual but we both agreed he didnt seem to be tired.  He chattered away til 7.55.)

NW: 10, 11, 11.30, 1.15, 4.50, all brief cryouts which is typical OT for DS

And we got a 5.40am EW this morning.  Only 9h 45 sleep.  Ugh!  Im not sure if DS was OT all day yesterday, or whether 2-3 days of long nights have meant he wasn't tired enough for bed last night, but was then OT by the time he settled, causing the EW.

I don't suppose I'm giving you much help or any answers here, but I just want to know you're not alone!  We can struggle through this together!

DS is at MIL's house today & she'll be determined to give him his usual naptime but I think he'll struggle.  So I'm going to ask her to do an early nap at 12pm & I am still wavering over whether to do 2hrs (in which case I think he'll still need a 7.30pm BT which makes for a pretty long day) OR whether to still cap the nap, and do a much earlier BT of 6.45/7pm to keep his day shorter.

So a slightly earlier nap would be an option today, as would a slightly longer one.  I still wonder if your DD might need a shorter A to BT after the capped nap, or we could both be in the same boat & need to cap our LO's naps even shorter.  Its a scary prospect when they are getting so little at night though isn't it?

[*foxy*]

I know, I'm completely confused!! Sorry to hear you've had an EW this morning, sounds like you were doing really well. I really thought that she'd start sleeping later.

I think because she's so tired that I'm going to try an earlier and slightly longer nap today to try to catch her up. She's at the childminders tomorrow so she's going to have a busy day. She does sleep quite well there and the childminder puts her down at 12.30 so she'll be back to her usual nap time.

I was thinking the same thing about capping her nap to 1 hour 30 but I just don't think she'll manage at the moment.

[*foxy*]

Well, I went for the earlier nap because she looked exhausted and hoped that she would have a good long nap to catch up.

She went down fine but only slept for 1.5 hours!! 12-1.30pm. It was still a 6.5 hour A time so I thought she'd sleep for longer than that.

So its an early BT (we're going to try anyway) at 6.30/7.
Maybe we do just need to go for a 1.5 hour nap at 12.30-2 and see what happens!

[Kay Dee]

So its an early BT (we're going to try anyway) at 6.30/7.

Good plan. How is her form this afternoon after the 1.5hrs nap? If she seems tired from the EW, 6.30pm bed might be needed.

Maybe we do just need to go for a 1.5 hour nap at 12.30-2 and see what happens!

It's worth a shot!