Any suggestions for this toddler issue? Please!!

[Lolly]

I'm not sure what to do with my DD - maybe nothing but ride it out as it's probably one of those phases but any ideas or reassurance is most welcome!

She is doing the toddler pickyish eating thing but over the course of a day she eats fairly well, big brother was very similar so I'm not too worried about that really. However she has developed a *thing* about the temperature of her food and has started refusing anything she thinks is too hot. I always dish their food out first to allow it to cool and we do the blowing on it and encourage her to blow if it's warm too, she's even testing it with her fingers now to double check.

The last two nights she has totally refused to eat with us. We have had tantrums at tea time (she has no nap anymore so some OT is at play here too) and she has decided she wants her bed so she has taken herself off to bed while we are eating. Then she has calmed down, had her bath and then decided she needs to eat her dinner (dinner that has been on a plate for a good hour and is definitly cold by now ). She has actually eaten her food after the bath so it wasn't that she didn't like what was offered.

I guess what I am worried about is starting a habit of eating after everyone else. I have tried to give her very limited attention while she is eating (I did the dishes tonight while she ate), but I also don't want to refuse her food if she is asking because as bright as she is I don't think she will get the natural consequence of eat when we all do or go hungry yet.

I am at home for the next 5 days so I think I'll keep a track of what she is actually eating and make sure there are no snacks in the afternoon. We tend to have a sandwich type snack meal for lunches and a cooked meal at teatime. I can do a cold meal at teatime - I just feel better if I know she has had one cooked, warm meal a day, but maybe that's my issue!

Any experience with a similar issue out there? Any ideas?

Thank you!!

Laura

[teilvnav]

Ahhh... the "too hot" thing. Yes. Nathan started that a few months ago and is just starting to come out of it now. Honestly, I just chucked his plate in the freezer for a few minutes. He knows that things are cold in there, so he was reassured that his food was cooling down. I didn't like it because I worked hard to cook a hot meal and didn't like the idea of him eating cold whatever, but hey... he did eat it with gusto once he knew it wasn't too hot. Hopefully it passes for you, because it was definitely a phase for us.

[creations]

Even as an adult I don't like food piping hot.  When I eat with other people at a dinner party or restaurant I'm usually the last to finish because I just can't eat it as hot as everyone else seems to be able to do.  I have no idea if this relates back to being a toddler and not liking or being given hot food, I certainly don't like it COLD though.
I don't have a toddler that age but I think I would just dish theirs out much earlier to guarantee it was cold by the time everyone sat down together.  For me eating as a family would be more important than whether the food was hot/warm/cold.  I do this atm with DS (nearly 14 months) and leave ours in the pan/cooker to stay warm whilst his cools right down, for certain foods I might cook his first (say with a poached egg as I wouldn't want mine sitting getting hard in the pan to keep warm).

[Mashi]

I dish DS's food out way earlier as well. If I have made a spag bol sauce for instance and it is sitting simmering on the stove all day, I dish DS's out an hour before dinner

And I also really prefer when DS has a cold meal and a hot meal every day    

He does often, especially when OT, really pick and play around and want down from the table and then wants to eat later.  There is not really much I can do about it, is how I see it.  I can't always relate it to snacks in the afternoon or anything as i don't expect him to have the same level of appetite on the same day iyswim. There are days when I just don't feel hungry and I may not have eaten a big lunch or anything in the afternoon...I'm just not hungry. Or I might want a later meal.  So I don't really push DS on that, although I do make him sit at the table with us for at least a portion of the meal.  5-10 minute at his age is a long time to sit there when he is not hungry. 

But If she is nap dropping then I really think it sounds like tiredness. My DS still goes to bed at 5:30pm on non-napping days and so he needs to have his meal before us, usually about 4 / 415pm.  No way would he make it to family dinner time and then sit there and eat, he would be exhausted.  Sometimes at weekend meals he will ask to leave and tell us it is because he does not like us talking and wants us to all sit there in silence and I know that it is a tiredness or OS that is building up over time...he just can't deal with the clatter of forks and knives along with three people in one conversation!

[<Catherine>]

DS is ridiculous with anything hot, totally ridiculous. He spits it out and screams as if you've put a burning poker in his mouth! And I always make sure food is cooled before even putting it in front of him.

He's always been like that though, and I think he's possibly improving.

It does sound like it may well be an OT thing with H though Laura, so I guess all you can really do is as others have suggested - have her's ready earlier so she's not eating so late (or do the hot meal at lunchtime - I do this quite a bit these days if I'm home with Ollie), and ensure that it's stone cold when she's given it.

[Lolly]

Thanks all! These toddlers/ pre-schoolers - you'd think they were little people with personalities all of their own wouldn't you

I usually aim for tea about 4.30/5pm but it doesn't always work, especially on the days I am at work. I am trying to eat with them at the moment as DH doesn't come home until too late for them to eat and they have always eaten at the table together and with us at weekends etc. She hasn't had naps since way before Christmas so yes, some days are OT but she generally copes well  - she is really doing a very good job of being 2 at the moment . I was considering Ebay earlier in the week .

I'm going to try something different today - a cold tuna pasta dish for lunch (which she was stealing off me recently so hopefully she will eat!) and then soup and sandwiches for tea. We are having issues with DS gaining/ maintaining weight which is another reason I try to make tea a proper cooked meal, but he does have cooked dinners in school. Today I know is chip/ fries day so a cold tea for him will be fine - I am not going to start making different meals for everyone!

I will have to get more organised to get her food dished up even earlier when we eat together and hope the behaviour/ tantrums works itself out! I like the idea of showing her it cooling in the freezer - she loves the ice packs in the freezer so she knows all about cold things, so that may work!

Laura

[Mashi]

I'm going to try something different today - a cold tuna pasta dish for lunch (which she was stealing off me recently so hopefully she will eat!) and then soup and sandwiches for tea. We are having issues with DS gaining/ maintaining weight which is another reason I try to make tea a proper cooked meal, but he does have cooked dinners in school. Today I know is chip/ fries day so a cold tea for him will be fine - I am not going to start making different meals for everyone!

I know, it gets ridiculous doesn't it -- this term at school DH has been manic and it has meant DS eating at 4pm-ish, me waiting for DH until 530ish and then 4 nights out of 5 he calls to tell me he will be late and he does not get home until well after 630 and so I should just eat without him. Three meals? Sod it!! It was driving me insane!!  One thing I have tried to do is keep DS's portion of our dinner and put it in the fridge until the next day, so he is always eating (or at least being offered ) the same meals but one day behind. And being his aversion to anything with a temperature above freezing, it's not like I have much work to do in reheating it   He's also a skinny mini who has had some weight issues so I know your frustration!!!

[<Catherine>]

We are exactly the same here too at the moment - DS needs feeding early because he's OT, and DH is working late by which time I'm dying of starvation!

I was going to suggest just as Mashi has about putting a meal aside from the night before for H to have the next day - I'm often doing this with DS at the moment and he can then have it at lunchtime the next day rather than later in the day.

[We Three]

 I'm sorry to say this, but my dd is 5 and this hasn't changed.     Not just with food, but my dd is extra sensitive to temperatures in the bath too.  I will make it nice and warm, but cooler than I would ever want it, and she will put her foot in and say "That is WAY too hot!".      The temperature that she prefers her bath is so cool that I feel like it's abusive to let her stay in there...!  But, it's what she needs I guess.
 The food thing, well, it's not a big deal for us anymore, as it's so much a part of our routine and there is no fuss. I put her food on a plate a few minutes ahead of ours, and also use the freezer often.  We generally have salad with dinner, so she'll touch the "hot" food with her tounge, and if it's not to her liking she eats her salad and then goes back to it.  Maybe put some carrots/celery with dip on the side for your dd, so that she can have something to eat while waiting?

 I have to say, she has always been like this. Is your dd sensitive to anything else? Clothing? Discomfort? She might just be a sensitive kid....which can be challenging, but in all we have found our way over here.   

[Lolly]

Thanks Anne! This temp thing has only started n the last week or so, she's not sensitive to anything else like clothing or noise. She has started saying the bath is too hot at times as well, but once she sees the cold tap going on she is fine, I do a short burst of cold water which is not enough to change the temp but it satisfies her and she will say "water ok now!". She is quieter in busy places so I think she is slightly on the shy side, DS was pretty much the same as her at this age - no issues with him socialising or vocalising now though . When I picked her up from pre-school today they were commenting on how quiet she is, she mixes well and joins in with everything, she just isn't very vocal there. Totally not quiet at home and very vocal!

Well, she ate some tuna pasta today which is a first for her so that was good! She loves cucumber so that's often on her plate and they always have veg like carrot sticks, peas, sweetcorn and broccoli which cool quite quickly so they do get eaten first.

I need to re-think some of our foods, I don't often cook meals that have leftovers or would be good to re-heat! That said, a lot of what they like to eat is quick to cook anyway - pasta and baked/ mashed potatoes are a staple here with a variety of additions.

Laura

[<Catherine>]

DS has become very much like that in the bath recently too - he is exactly the same with the cold tap, I literally have to turn it on for a second and tell him its cool now and he's satisfied! DH was arguing with him a couple of weeks ago saying that it is cold enough and if he makes it any colder it'll be too cold for him, and I said just turn it on and back off again and he'll be happy!!

Perhaps it's more of a developmental/independant thing? *They* want to decide things for themselves - ie, whether or not something is hot enough, yk?

[Lolly]

Developmental could definitly be a part (or is that just mummy going mental ), a phrase I say a lot at the moment is "ok, you try and come and ask mummy when you are ready for help" She has figured out how to put her coat on now and heaven help anyone who assumes she needs help - she has to try the zip for a while and then she will come and ask for help.

I'm sure DS wasn't this much hard work..... or maybe I'm having selective amnesia! It's a good job she's cute!

Laura

[teilvnav]

I'm sure DS wasn't this much hard work..... or maybe I'm having selective amnesia! It's a good job she's cute!

I say this to myself at least 6 times a day now, and my DD is still a wee little thing!!! God help us when she is 2.