14 months and waking 8+ times a night **Update - I tried :(**

[**Clare**]

I know Ive been here before but things have gotten so much worse and its starting to have a serious impact on her behaviour, before she would just sleep when she was tired so we never had a very tired baby on our hands, now she is so OT it is a nightare to get her to sleep and when we do she only sleeps 45 minutes.

Ive messed up big time due to various reasons but at the moment she is waking every hour, poss every 45 minutes and WILL NOT settle without her bottle. Ugh

She is in our bedroom as there is nowhere else for her to go and she is within arms reach of my bed! She is HIGHLY spirited and will throw a proper, screaming tantrum if she doesnt get her own way. She is stubborn too. Not sure where she gets that from

Anyway... I kinda know what the problem is.  She is reliant on a prop, she is OT and she is teething. Where to start though?! In a way it cant get any worse but on the other hand at the moment Im just handing her a bottle, Im going to have to deal with full on screaming in the middle of the night, probably numerous times

I really, really want to do this gently as thats just how I do things, I dont mind if it takes longer but where to start?!! She is also having a bottle in the day still, Id really like to get rid of it altogether tbh... None of my boys have had bottle past a year but she just seems to love hers

Any ideas?!

[Shiv52]

Hugs hun

I think firstly you need to prepare yourself that even with a gentle approach there will be lots of crying and screaming.  If she's spirited and stubborn she  is not going to like your changing things on her. 

I know from your previous threads you worked on reducing the amount in the bottle but TBH I wouldn't bother with that this time round.  I think you are going to hit the point where you are at zero oz and there is no bottle and she will be upset.  I don't think weaning down the oz is going to help the problem.    Not when she is waking so many times.

What you have to bear in mind to help you through is:

1.  she does not need the calories
2.  there will be crying, lots of crying but she is not sad, she is cross you are changing things
3. she needs proper sleep to grow and be happy in the day
4.  at this age having milk at night is really bad for teeth
5. in 2 weeks you'll all be sleeping better

Enough inspiration?

I would work on getting her down for sleeps by doing a winddown and in to the cot.  I would do GW and not WI/WO.  so just sit beside her cot and reassure her.  There will be lots of crying but keep  reassuring her you are there, its just sleep time.  Only lift her if she is really upset but then put her back down.  Same at night, lift, quick cuddle straight down and reassure beside the cot. 

Obviously it is going to be a rough week and it is hard work so don't start until you are ready as its really really important not to give in once you start and you don't want any of the upset and crying to be for nothing. 

I would probably just get rid of the bottles altogether so you aren't tempted to give her one. 

[**Clare**]

Thanks Shiv.  I have been tempted after a really bad night just to chuck them and be done with it but I havent managed to as yet She just loves it so much, its like her best friend! She goes crazy when she sees it coming, laughing and clapping!! I know it needs to go though 

Im not sure picking her out of the cot if shes upset would work, I can see me putting her back in escalating the whole situation.

So do you think I should just work on this for now and then approach the night wakings or do both at the same time?!

[<Catherine>]

1.  she does not need the calories
2.  there will be crying, lots of crying but she is not sad, she is cross you are changing things
3. she needs proper sleep to grow and be happy in the day
4.  at this age having milk at night is really bad for teeth
5. in 2 weeks you'll all be sleeping better

I think this is brilliant. Print it off, laminate it and tape it to your bedside table Seriously though, keep telling yourself this.

I agree with every word Shiv has said. I don't think you'll get anywhere whilst the bottle is still around.

Hugs lovely xxx

[skatty]

Shiv's plan is perfect  I would recommend not taking her out of the cot though and maybe just poke your hand through the bars if she is up for some contact. Don't forget while she is OT to put her to bed as early as you can bear and after 45 min naps cut down on the next A time, any extra bits of sleep you can possibly get her to have are going to help. Don't forget consistancy always wins in the end! Spirited kids are super intelligent and this may not take as long as you dread! Because she is stubborn, she will probably try and get her way but there will come a point where she realises things aren't going to change and will stop wasting her energy 

Also try and be as boring as you can be, after the initial "sshh time to sleep" avoid eye contact and just be there but not engaged so there is no reward for being awake. Very importnat to recognise if she is upset or angry with you, there is a big difference and anger will not damage her

[Shiv52]

I only suggested lifting her as you mentioned wanting a gently approach!!!! I thought it would put you off if I said leave her in the cot! But yes the best approach is to just leave her in there and reassure from beside it.

[Lolly]

{{{HUGS}}} Clare, you are having such a hard time and things will be so much better when you crack the sleep.

I agree with the others, you will need to cut the bottle and she won't like it and you aren't doing her any harm. You will actually be doing both things together - by stopping the bottles and keeping her in the cot you are working on the sleep.

You can do it - but you will have to decide when and stick to it. If you start trhinking about caving and giving her the bottle remember that this has to be done and if you start it more than once you are putting her through upset for nothing so it's better to start it when you know you can carry it through.

Laura

[Shiv52]

So do you think I should just work on this for now and then approach the night wakings or do both at the same time?!

I'd do both at the same time.  Settling for naps and bedtime in the cot (if she doesn't already do it) and NWs and cutting the bottles. 

HTH xx

[**Clare**]

I know I need to be ready and have the time etc. I'm planning to do it at Easter so if she disturbs the boys I don't have to worry about them being tired, I also look after my friends baby 3 days a week and don't have her at Easter plus Matt will be off for a few days.

Is it worth starting the settling to sleep now or would that be pointless? I'd like to start now but won't if it's pointless!

Thank you all so much 

[Shiv52]

Totally worth starting it now hun.  Means by the time Easter rolls round she'll have the self settling skills she needs to resettle herself in the night without her bottle.  that is a great idea.

Whats her routine like? 

[skatty]

Yes definitley start the settling now 

[**Clare**]

Will start tomorrow! Her routine is pretty rubbish due to all the school runs and appointments, errands etc and having another baby here 3 days a week plus a house that is generally noisy!! At the mo we are stuck with 45 minute naps, probably due to being so OT. She has two of those a day. Sometimes she manages until after lunch but then wakes up after 45 minutes and wont go back off Not sure if shes ready for the 2-1 switch but I def think she would be if she slept well at night and wasnt OT!!

So with the self settling, she will just keep standing up, do I lay her back down again?

[Lolly]

Try using your voice and telling her to lie down and pat the mattress, she's old enough to lie herself down and you don't want to create another prop of you having to lie her down. If you are sitting on the floor beside her cot patting the mattress through the bars she may well get down to be at your level.

Good luck!

Laura

[Shiv52]

Agree with Laura. I would just pat the mattress. 

[**Clare**]

That would be alot easier on my back!! And if she doesnt lie down?? Sorry for all the questions, just dont want to be sat up there tomorrow wondering what to do!!