Author Topic: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?  (Read 3673 times)

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Offline emzi

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Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« on: March 23, 2012, 14:19:22 pm »
Hi All,

Just wondered if anyone else out there had experienced night waking related to seperation anxiety?
Just recently my DD has been waking from STTN to 3+ wakings, she is terribly clingy in the day and will not even be held by my OH when im in the room she is ALL mummy!
When she goes to nursery she gets resistant when I leave but not when my OH drops her off.
The last two nights have been terrible.

She has always had a good bedtime routine, bath, bottle, bed and would settle herself to sleep. the last two nights she has been hysterical when I have left the room, kicked and screamed if my OH has been in to settle her and has made herself physically sick until I picked her up for a cuddle.
For a mummy that works full time I would be really grateful for any help in how to soothe the 12am and 3am screaming fit?

Thank you!!!!!!!!
« Last Edit: March 23, 2012, 14:41:10 pm by Bex09 »

Offline Bex09

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2012, 14:40:41 pm »
Hi there, seeing as your LO is over 12 mo I am going to move you over to the Sleeping for Toddlers board. You will get more age appropriate help over there. :)



Offline echevarria

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2012, 09:03:12 am »
Hi emzi,
No advice I'm afraid - just wanted to say I'm going through exactly the same thing with my 12 mo old DS and so understand how hard it is! He just wants his mummy all day and all night now!  Do you feel like a human climbing frame?! I hope someone more experienced than me offers you some words of wisdom. I could use some myself.

Offline emzi

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2012, 09:57:15 am »
Yup I'm absolutely exhausted my OH keeps blaming me saying its something I've done, never felt so low

Offline echevarria

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2012, 12:16:50 pm »
I VERY MUCH doubt it will anything you've done! Posts from other people seem to suggest that severe SA can be a problem around the 1 year mark. Perhaps there was a trigger? In my case a change of environment coupled with going back to work and learning to walk seemed to set him off. (Many people point to a link between beginning to walk and this sort of behaviour). They're going through a lot developmentally around one year old which can interfere with sleep. How is your DD at nap time?  I think it's yet another phase but all the harder as both our children had been STTN.  I always find myself kicking against these phases when they come before getting the stamina to wait them out from somewhere...!   I found the book 'Wonder Weeks' really helpful and comforting - perhaps you might too - it explains these developmental 'leaps' that lead to a change in behaviour better than I can.   http://www.thewonderweeks.com    I will be interested to hear how things go for you.
For what it's worth, at first I dealt with the NWs by bringing him into bed with me/DH kicked out! but that isn't sustainable and I worry about causing a bad habit. So I tried picking him up every time, he would calm immediately, but cry again as soon as I put him down.  He would be up and down like a yo yo and repeated walking in and out seemed to set him off again even worse.  I tried staying with him and not picking him up, just rubbing his back and shhhhing until he calmed, but as soon as I left the room, he'd start up again. Sounds familiar?  Last night as the crying was less intense and intermittent, I went in at 5, then 10, then 15, then 20 mins for an hour to reassure him and he eventually self settled.  I think it might be a case of being consistent with what you try, and waiting the phase out, however hard this is. You feel so helpless. Other advice from people seems to be to stick with the routine that worked before this phase began - it's hard not to worry that they're UT or OT and you should start to tweak awake times/nap times etc. etc.

Offline emzi

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2012, 12:46:45 pm »
Exactly the same!!! I have tried pupd, shhhing and sitting there, nothing else works part from a cuddle. Last night I was adamant I wouldn't pick up and cuddle as to make a rod for my own back. It's like clockwork the wakings though. 10pm, 12am, 2-3am and then awake for the day about 6! Feel so exhausted when you have a baby that use to sttn no problem. Will have to try your technique I think tonight

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2012, 20:35:32 pm »
Hey there

I see you are thinking of trying this:

Last night as the crying was less intense and intermittent, I went in at 5, then 10, then 15, then 20 mins for an hour to reassure him and he eventually self settled.  I think it might be a case of being consistent with what you try, and waiting the phase out, however hard this is.


Going in at timed intervals to a LO who is crying anything other than a mantra cry is Controlled Crying (CC) and not something Tracy Hogg or BW advocate.   If your LO has previously been an independent sleeper you can use WI/WO but you go back in when your LOs cries escalate, not at a specific time.   This is especially important where SA is involved as you need to reassure your LO you are there when she needs you.  By not going in when she is upset you are actually feeding her fear and the SA because when experiencing SA they are unsure and starting to realise mummy can go places etc and worry you won't come back and by not coming back when they are upset because you are waiting a certain amount of time tells them that what they were worried about is true and it can make the SA worse and make a LO lose trust that you will come back when they need you. 

If it is SA and she is very upset certainly give her a cuddle.  DOn't hold her to sleep but reassure her and then put her back down and try and settle her in the cot.

CaN you post your routine?  And am i right that she settles herself to sleep for naps and bedtime?





Offline emzi

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2012, 20:41:54 pm »
Hi there, just posted the routine On this same board titled is my easy wrong? Have a look
And let me know x

Offline Shiv52

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2012, 20:48:51 pm »
Will pop over now xx





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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2012, 20:52:53 pm »
You're getting great advice from Claire over there.  I think she's spot on with the OT/UT. 

CAn your LO replug her dummy?





Offline emzi

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2012, 22:33:11 pm »
Yes she can, she has just woken this second and I've been up to make sure she is ok. She is fine just woken from her sleep. Going to leave her a few mins and go back x

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2012, 10:03:27 am »
Hows it going hun?





Offline emzi

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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2012, 10:59:08 am »
The end of the above was pretty rough, up from 10.30pm till pretty much 2am (3am as clocks went forward) then ended up co-sleeping. Last night started the PU/PD method but im wondering if I need to start putting her to bed earlier if she doesnt sleep in the day? As she is so restless at nights


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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2012, 13:37:43 pm »
Yes an early BT is probably a good idea.   Can you ppost your day from yesterday?





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Re: Night Wakings related to Seperation Anxiety?
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2012, 16:34:27 pm »
Yes hun will do it as soon as I've put ruby to bed