thinking about giving up.....

[babymunkey]

Hmmmmm, don't know what to do, just thinking out loud really...

1. DD mucks about BF'ing - bobs on and off, wriggles and squirms and I'm never convinced she gets a good feed.
2. She never seems really hungry in the day
3. I've recently weaned the dummy for the 2nd time (we had to give it back to her after a hospital stay) and I suspect she's using feeds more as a sucking activity.
4. It feels like I'm less "unavailable" when I bottle feed which means I can be with DS more when I'm feeding
5. She still wriggles on the bottle (she has 2 bottles a day at BT and DF) but feeds much better in terms of volume and drinking

I am happy that if I switch to FF, I know she will get the nutrients she needs. I personally have always thought that BM is definitely best. I need to be able to live with the knowledge that I am doing this mostly for selfish reasons. I'm fed up with the wriggly stressful feeds, and being the only one who can feed her, and sitting on the blimmin sofa away from everyone else.....

But.....I'm worried I'll regret it - bottles are a PITA when out and about and in the night. Maybe the wriggly feeds are a phase....

[Shiv52]

I definately see the appeal of FF for all the reasons you say so if you decide to stop BFing it is totally understandable. 

with both mine the 4-5 month periods were the worst.  Silly silly distracted short feeds and bobbing on and off at every available opportunity and noise.  But after that it was WAY better.  More spaced out feeds then solids and before i knew it we were on 4 short feeds a day.   Until then I fed straight after naps in the bedroom and got her latched on before she really knew what she was doing and got a good feed into her! 

Not trying to convince you either way but I know that 4-5 month mark was when I questioned what I was doing with BFing with both of them. 

{{{hugs H}}}}  Oh and at this age R went down to less than 5 minutes a feed so maybe B is a much more efficient feeder now too?

[clazzat]

I know how you feel - I came pretty close to giving up with x as he was so difficult to feed. For me it wasn't so much the fact that he wriggled as that he scratched the h*ll out of me whenever I was feeding him and I just hated it. When it was happening, though, I remembered that both girls went through a phase where every feed was preceded by 20 minutes of all-out screaming before they would latch on so I figured it was worth holding out to see if the worst of it passed. And it did - with all 3 of them. Now, bf'ing is by far the easier way of feeding him, and I can't see myself giving up any time soon.

Clearly, if you want to give up then do - it is absolutely your decision and you shouldn't feel guilty about doing what is best for you, but IMHO you will probably find that this is a phase and she will settle down if you give her a couple of weeks. One thing which might be making things worse is the fact that she has a bottle twice a day - it is easier to drink from a bottle so a lot of combined-fed babies get lazy when it comes to the boob. I have kept x on number 1 teats to make sure he still has to work at getting the milk out of the bottle.

Incidentally, I'm not sure that I think your reasons are selfish - your main concerns are that she gets a better feed and you spend more time with ds - so don't let that stop you switching to ff if that is what you want to do.

[Fiver]

FWIW, LOs do drink more from a bottle as they don't get the "full" signal as soon as they do when BF.

Sorry it's hard at the moment.  That 4 month mark is a killer with a big growth spurt, dodgy sleep and distraction.
I'm sure you'll make the best choice for you and your family, whatever that is

[Erin M]

Just some (((hugs)))) decisions like that aren't easy!

[ENMS]

(((HUGS))) H! It's not an easy decision. I'm sure whatever you decide it will be the best decision for you and your family.

[Little toes]

DS went thru what you're describing and it did pass. I find that I need to pay attention to how much time has passed, not to let his feeds get too close or he'll barely feed, be distracted, and even throw it up 5mins after.

[my3girlsjde]

Don't have much else to add except hugs and wonderingbehat nipple you might be using on those bottles? When I switched to a newborn nipple, E really had to work at it and she's such a cuddly baby that she started refusing the bottle and wanted contact while she worked.

We did go through a similar phase and I'm glad people told me about this phase because I was sure that we were done fornication.

You are not being selfish at all. You want what's best for everyone and having more time is no small thing. BUT - I'll give the same advice I was given: don't quit on a bad feed.

Hugs and support for whatever decision you make.

[babymunkey]

Thanks girls.

Vicki I think I've read your quote before re giving up on a bad day and I think that's good advice. Ps love love love the autocorrect - pls don't edit your post til I can put it on Marsha's thread

Re bottles - we use Breastflow bottles which have a double teat - the inner teat is made of stiff rubber and is designed so that babies have to squash it with their tongues to let the milk out. The outer teat is the widest most breast like shape I've seen to encourage a similar latch. In fact I would go so far as to say her 'latch' on the bottles is waaay better than on me!!!! She's still on the newborn flow - as a measure it takes her 30 mins to drain 150ml, which I think is a good indication that it's not too easy for her. I'm not saying that's definitely part of the problem but I think we've done everything we can to limit the impact of combined feeding on BF.

Littletoes - you could have a point re feeds too close. I've been feeding her more than she asks for as I'm trying to drop a NF by getting her to take more in in the daytime. Maybe I'll have to go back to purely on demand. Problem is we're also battling short naps, plus I feel like since her stay in hospital I can't read her hunger cues any more - she was nil by mouth for a while, then tube fed round the clock and it's well and true stuffed us up in terms of routine.

The news that it could be a phase is good to hear. That might spur me on - I'll tell myself I'll just do one more week at a time. 

[Roseii]

Hugs H, every time I wanted to give up (which happened a good few times) I would always set myself a time ie in one week, and judge how I felt then. It always turned out I didn't really want to stop.
That said, Clare is right, your reasons aren't at all selfish and if you do end up switching to FF you have done an amazing job so far and you have nothing to feel guilty about xxx

[Little toes]

I've been feeding her more than she asks for as I'm trying to drop a NF by getting her to take more in in the daytime.

I've tried lots of different ways to get him to feed less at night. But when I was feeding more often in the day it seemed to add to the problem. When I space feeds out 3hr15, 3hr30 (which is longest he can stand) I feel like it's more structured, then I don't give in and feed him when he's grabbing at me before naps. I give him a paci instead if I know it's only been 2hrs since his last feed and I try to hold and comfort him. We also went thru short naps for months and months, couldn't get past 30mins until just recently when he decided he wanted to sleep longer. I know it's not good to watch the clock when BF, but sometimes being more aware of the hrs between feeds helps sort things out. If she can do 2hr30 between feeds, stick with that for a while. She'll still get a lot of calories during the day.

[my3girlsjde]

ROFL that was supposed to be "DONE FOR"

But I'm sure you know that. I agree on trying to space out your feeds a bit and the nipple sounds like something I wish I had.

More hugs and support - and autocorrects when you need them

[babymunkey]

Kind of back to square one ladies - I had gone back to feeding more on demand, and she seemed to have settled a bit.

But now I think she's not getting enough from me - I also think I may be misrreading some of her hunger cues as tired (or they are all the same and I'm supposed to guess ). I think she was hungry most of today, didn't get one smile until after we gave her a bottle this afternoon, and after both side BF at bedtime tonight, she took a 150ml bottle.

I'm sooo tired still, I just don't seem to be able to catch up. If I'm going to carry on BF, I need to rally some energy and try and feed more often for the next few days  - but then I'm worried we'll go back to the silly behaviours as above. I ended the feed at BT cos she was mucking about, flipping my nipple in and out, bobbing on and off squirming, blah blah blah.....I wonder if she doesn that cos there isn't much milk....

[Fiver]

Are you offering both sides during the day or just the one?  Might be worth giving her the second, especially if she might be in GS territory.  Could be worth feeding more frequently so that your supply is being stimulated as much as possible.  You could also add a pump after feeds to boost if you're feeling up to it (or not if you're not!  I totally understand exhaustion!)  Are you drinking enough water and eating ok?

[babymunkey]

I haven't been offering both sides - will do that starting tomorrow.

I'm eating fine (Never much problem there ) but defo not drinking enough for sure - just don't get time (well not time to do it, but to remember) will try harder tomorrow.

That's my motto right now for life I think!!