I am pulling my hair out!!!! PLEASE HELP!

[mssmommy]

Please forgive me if I am reposting a question already in the forum,but my search function will not work and I am in desperate need of help!!

My 14month old (almost 15th months) is refusing to nap for the second day in a row.  Around the time she turned one she transitioned herself from 2 naps to 1.  I wasn't ready for it, but apparently she was!  Thats ok because she was taking two one hour naps and will now take one 2-4 hour nap.  Her routine has been very consistant since then. 

Wake:  8 am
wind down:  12:45-1
Nap:  Anywhere from 1-3 to 1-5
wind down:  7:30-8
Sleep: 8pm

It's been a very beautiful thing until yesterday.  She absolutely refused to go to sleep at night time.  Wind down went the same as usual and then I turned off the lights and help her. She put her head on my chest and I laid her in the crib.  For about five minutes she started to doze off and then all of a sudden it was party time in her crib.  I am talking, kicking, rolling around, clapping, waving, standing, walking, etc.  I tried pu/pd and it didn't work.  She started getting mad at me and I started getting mad at her   We tried this for about an hour and then I gave up and tried laying her down again around 3pm and she still fought it but was exhausted and gave in around 20 minutes.  She went to sleep as normal that night.  No fighting. 

Today,  THE SAME THING HAPPENED!  She gave me her sleepy signs, we did WD time, I turned the lights off, head on chest, baby in crib, dozing off and then SNAP..PARTY TIME! Instead of giving in and getting angry at her I walked out of the room and sat there listening to her.  She wimpered mostly.  We have never done cry it out as a method of putting her to sleep.  I am not sure what to do.  I know she is tired as she is walking around rubbing her eyes right now, so why wont she nap???

[creations]

Hi there.
As your LO is over 12 months old I'm going to move your post over to the Toddler Sleep board for more age-appropriate help.

My LO is the same age and I must say your routine looks amazing!  I'd love to have that!

We have recently had the EXACT same thing, from a marvellous independent sleeper to suddenly having nap refusal and, like you said, 'SNAP..PARTY TIME!'.  We also had crib parties during the night sleep both before midnight and in the small hours.  It's confusing, stressful, tiring and I really DO know that feeling of just not knowing what is going on.

You did the right thing to walk away and take a breather when you felt yourself becoming angry, ((hugs)) to you, it is really very difficult when a regular routine is suddenly disrupted like this and at the time you can't see any reason for it.  I felt a little bubble of frustration brewing in me when my DS did the same thing.

I urge you not to leave your DD to cry though.  No matter how frustrating it is for you and even if you don't understand her behaviour just now, she is going through some sort of developmental leap or needing a routine tweak and her actions/parties/crying are her way of communicating with you.  She isn't doing it to be naughty and she isn't doing it to frustrate you.  You are her world, her everything.

What I did, after it became clear that a nap was being refused and I was getting confused and frustrated by it, was say to him, 'OK I can see you don't feel ready for this nap right now.  We'll go back downstairs and you can play for another 10 minutes.'  Lots of cuddles and pleasant chat on the way downstairs (this plus leaving the bedroom will likely stop the crying), then set him up with a favourite toy and stepped out of the room for a moment to catch my breath (or put the kettle on for a cuppa).  Then return.
I think one day I ended up taking him up to his bed 3 times before he finally decided it was nap time.  I find it is less frustrating for me and him if we go and do a short activity rather than try to force the nap.  I'd also rather he became OT from having a late nap than leave him to cry.  I want and need him to know that I will always be there for him even when I don't understand him.
I know this is not a long term solution, more of a short term 'plan B', but we do sometimes need short term 'plan B's whilst we work on the long term solution.

I hope you get back on track soon.  I'm sure the ladies on the toddler board will be able to help.
big hugs x

[mssmommy]

Thank you SOOO much for your response!!  Yesterday was very rough and she never napped.  We tried for over four hours and it just wasn't happening.  I did notice that she took three poops yesterday and that is more than normal for her.  Also, today we had a rough start with her nap time (same thing as yesterday) and she actually pooped while having her "crib party".  I took her out of the crib and changed her diaper and held her for about five minutes with her head on my chest and then laid her in the crib and within two minutes she was asleep.  I am wondering if maybe she is just having some tummy/poopy issues and that is what is keeping her from her naps.  I am just thankful that she did go to sleep..the poor baby was tired this morning after waking up for the day! 

I kept your advice in mind today as I laid her down.  I kept calm and I was there for her the entire time.  I know she isnt trying to make me mad or be naughty on purpose.  Yesterday I had a mommy melt down and I promised her I would never do that again.  I will keep you updated on how things are going.  Thank you again!!!!

[creations]

I promised her I would never do that again

I like this a lot.  I am a big believer in communication including saying sorry when we need to and letting our LOs know that we will do our best to try to support them even if we don't always get it right.  DS and I we are a 'team' together as we work through his ever changing needs and I keep reminding him I'm still learning too so thank you for being patient with me.

she actually pooped while having her "crib party"

You won't believe it.  This EXACT same thing happened to us.  There were a few days we had total nap refusal and when I took him for his additional 10 mins he pooped.  One of the days he refused twice and pooped twice!  Another day there was a mid-nap wake up which he usually can be settled back from very easily but this time he just screamed and screamed whilst I held him...and then I got a whiff of his poop.  My heart sank as I thought the nap was therefore over (at 27mins!) but after a quick nappy change he went back down like a dream.
It may or may not be helpful to you but I now communicate with DS to please do a poo if you need one because nap time is coming.  It seems to be working.

[ZacsMumme]

Hun sounds like your LO could have hit a developmental leap...?

http://www.thewonderweeks.com/index.php/about-the-wonder-weeks/your-babys-10-leaps/mental-leap-9 this starts around 59-61.5 weeks its a doozy!

Teething at this age can also mess up sleep. They can be moving and irritating and just annoying enough to prevent sleep.

I would certainly try to be consistent with offering that nap, and try offering it later than she has been going down in the past. It is likely she needs an increase in her A time. Maybe try adding on 30 mins than usual? If she is really trouble could you try to AP a nap in the car?
I would also start capping that nap at 2 hrs. 4 hrs day sleep is a lot fora 14 mth old and may be part of the reasonshe has decided she doesn't need it

If she refuses then EBT all the way an hour earlier than usual at least I would try ie 6.30pm. Tis gives her a chance to catch up overnight.

Hugs...these phases do pass

[*Becky*]

4 hrs day sleep is a lot fora 14 mth old and may be part of the reasonshe has decided she doesn't need it

this is the first thing that jumped out at me. She does not need 4 hours day sleep hun and even 3 in one go at this age can disrupt nights and make bedtime hard. I would aim to let her have 2.5 max and I think you should see some benefit. Keep me posted xx