Anyone want to talk about public breast feeding?

[Curly Val]

Hi all,

So I'm trying to be comfortable to openly breast feed my DD.  I want to be part of reducing the stigma around BFing so I try to go without cover and without ducking into a "private room" or bathroom.  I am still discreet in my clothing choice but I don't want to perpetuate shame around BFing.  I think by publicly breast feeding I am joining with other women to make our culture more accepting of BFing and boobies being for something other than sex, but it can be hard to be a trail blazer sometimes.  I know that in some cultures this is more accepted than others.

So with all that said, I thought I'd open up a thread about doing so, so we can all get support from each other, because I know I sure could use the support and my non-BFing friends and some BFing friends aren't very support of my "liberal" approach.

So, my first question is, how do you make yourself feel comfortable in a particular environment to BF your baby?

(For those not into public BFing but want to make a helpful comment feel free, for those interested in criticizing please feel free to make your own thread)

CV 

[~inbalance~]

Hey CV

Have you found breastfeeding in Toronto a challenge?  I always found it a fairly BFing friendly place.

I read about the Milk Truck and heard it was coming to Toronto.  Think it's already passed but it's good to know Toronto has supported it!  http://www.canadianfamily.ca/2012/03/the-milk-truck-is-coming-to-toronto/

I also remember reading somewhere that there was a few women who went around and scoped out breastfeeding friendly places around the city, and then reported them for other moms to be aware of when out and about.  Can't remember where I read that though, probably in some local parenting magazine (it was a few years ago when we lived there).

A few weeks ago we were at Canada Blooms and I saw a mom BFing her toddler right in the middle of all the action.  It was great to see!  Though my DH commented he got an eyeful when the toddler pulled away and exposed mom's boob for all to see, lol.  I don't think he minded though.  

I think Toronto is a fairly BFding friendly place, and glad you're keeping up with it!  I remember feeling self-conscious about it with my first baby and would try to be discreet or go to private places (but that was more for me than it was for anyone else), but by the time DS2 arrived I wasn't nearly as shy anymore.  Keep it up!!  

ETA Just poking around and found this link:  http://www.toronto.ca/health/breastfeeding/directory.htm#northregion  Too bad there are not more places listed, but then again many might not know about the program, so maybe get out there and spread the word so more businesses can sign up!

Also, I just remembered, have you ever been to an Ontario Early Years Centre?  It's a good place with free programs where you can talk to other moms, and many offer breastfeeding groups as well.  You could also look into your local La Leche League to find more information and talk to other breastfeeding friendly moms. 

[Katet]

I always found it hard to BF in public, totally from the physical side, both my boys were big & in the early weeks I could only BF DS1 football hold (ie him on my side under my arm) not cradled, which made it a real challenge to feed anywhere not at home.

I think most places around here (Sydney Australia) are pretty ok with it, I know one Mum (10 week old 3rd child) prefers to express than BF in public, because of the logistics etc & actually said she feels a bit like she is letting the team down when it is kind of assumed she is bottle feeding, but she just found that having others help out & her spending time with the 5 & 7yo's made it. But I know another Mum who will BF her toddler at a sporting event... I think to a large degree what you are comfortable with & what comes naturally to you.  I do think people often have negative reactions because it makes them feel lesser & by putting another person down it makes them not feel so 'wrong' in their own mind. I certainly know what I was able/willing to do with #2 was quite different to #1 & if I had 3 children, I think I would have been the real hippy Mum with a child at my breast all day everyday LOL... a lot is about confidence & upbringing & they are slow things to change.

[becj86]

I was petrified to BF in public when DS was tiny - our latch issues were no small issue as I tended to scream in pain every time he latched (so much for not attracting too much attention). When he was 6 weeks old, I went to a local child health centre for a mothers' meeting and everyone had their boobs out as required by their babies and through associating with them, I slowly grew more confident. Now of course, I'm the only one left BFing at all

I still leave work twice a day to go up to day care and feed my boy sitting on the floor in the nursery room (kids to 2.5yr). The kids either come and have a good look at what's going on (not sure how their mums would feel about that but I wouldn't mind if it were someone else feeding their kid) or just go about their business. Logan just comes over to me when I arrive, hops up on my lap, drinks his milk and then hops down and goes again.

I figure I'm better off feeding him where I am than carrying him somewhere 'private', screaming all the way there and drawing more attention and making it less pleasant for the other people around.

[Erin M]

When dd1 was tiny, I think I fed her in our house every time she needed to nurse.    Wasn't quite ready to make the jump to public BFing.  When dd2 was small, I went to a mom's group where everyone fed as necessary -- and there were quite a few moms there who were feeding their toddlers/preschoolers, so it wasn't just babies feeding.  This got me much more comfortable with nursing in public.  With ds, I do have a nursing cover (helps keep down the distraction factor big time), but I will (and have) nurse him just about anywhere.  Malls, restaurants, the zoo, the museum, friends' houses, stores...so much easier to not make him wait.  We went to Disney World last week and he nursed all over the place there too.  I knew all along it was my hang up that was keeping me from doing it, I just had to get over it.  I've never had anyone say something negative to me, I've had quite a few people ask about him or start chatting as I've fed him (often people I'd least expect, like elderly men -- which is only odd to me as my own dad and my FIL would run from the room if I attempted to nurse James in front of them).  It's such a personal thing, but I do think it's important that people feel as if they can be free to do what their babies need!

[~Carly~]

I am glad you started this thread!  I BFed DS1 for 13 months, and am now BFing DS2.  I never felt uncomfortable in public, but I was definitely in some situations where I knew I was making others uncomfortable.  Strangely enough, these times were usually at parties/people's homes who invited us and insisted I bring DS.  Then they acted strangely when I needed to feed him.  

We took DS1 to soccer practice today, and I was nursing DS2.  I had a cover on that my aunt made me, and a little girl (maybe 8yo) walked up and lifted the cover before I could say anything.  Her mother was apologizing like mad, but I told her that it didn't bother me, and I just used the cover for other's sake, not mine!  

[atlantamomofthree]

When my dd was a baby I was very shy about BF'ing anywhere but home, but I expressed milk for dh to give her (because I worked p/t), so I *could* just take a bottle with us if need be. I was probably just doing what I saw my own modest, shy mother do with my younger sisters. She never nursed anywhere but home.

With ds1, I was a little more comfortable but still insisted upon going in another room when at family/friends' houses and covering if in the car-and never nursing in a public place. 

This time (it's been 8 years!) I'm much more open about it but still sensitive to others' level of comfort.  For example, when at my mom's house, I openly BF, with my sisters sitting right there and their boyfriends too even, because we're all very close. It's been interesting because my sisters have both made nice comments and I think it's helping them to see me happily nurse (ie, it may be a factor in their decision down the road whether to BF or FF). Like, when he has reached up and felt my necklace or made little cute sounds, they've seen the closeness we experience during nursing. Kwim? But then, at my grandparents' house, I have to go in another room because my grandfather has an obvious uncomfortableness about it (my grandmother only FF their 4 kids so he didn't experience seeing anyone nurse on a regular basis).

I have nursed places with Samuel that I never would have with my other two. I've nursed with a cover on in the middle of malls, restaurants, and libraries. When we are at a store or somewhere else that would be very inconvenient to find a quiet place to feed him, I nurse him in the car, with the door ajar, and we're uncovered. I figure, in my own car I don't really have to worry about making others comfortable.  It's funny though, because as people walk by, you can see that most of them see what's going on and yet children are the only ones that stare...well, there have been a few men that look a little longer in case a boob makes an appearance!  But for the most part people just smile and continue on their way.

I love BF'ing and am not ashamed in the least. I just wonder how many other women actually *do* nurse here, because I NEVER, EVER see any others BF'ing!!! As in, ever.... And we are in a very heavily populated area! Maybe they're all at home.  I hope that's true....

[Curly Val]

Hi all, thanks for joining me!

inbalance:  I haven't really found any businesses etc to be harsh to me about BFing.  I have yet to be kicked out of anywhere.  Its that I find random people rude about it or at least antsy.  Like a friend who said I "traumatized" her (teenage) son when he saw my nipple, but you know "I'm ok with breast feeding" she said.  I wish I got to see/use taht milk truck!

katet:  my DD was 10'7 when she was born, so I started with the football hold too and I used a nursing pillow, and in those cases I hid away.  We have since changed positions and are far more comfortable in public.  I think its people like your friend for whom I want to make our world a more accepting place.  I'm glad she pumps (rather than give formula) but she shouldn't feel as though she needs to hide!  My SIL is like that too and she is eager to stop BFing because its so much trouble to constantly be pumping.  I think her baby ultimately loses out because she will cut BFing as soon as she can and her DD doesn't get the benefits long term.

becj86 good for you for going to the daycare and BFing!  I hope to do that when my LO starts in daycare at age 1

erin m: I totally understand covering up for distractions sake, my LO finds the cover distracting, lol.  

Carly: I have had the same experience at parties, Ive also been relegated to another room, and thereby missed eating dinner with everyone, at a party

atlantamomofthree: Good for you for BFing in front of your sisters, I do think you are giving them a great impression of BFing!  I strangely never see other public BFing either, I hope people arent missing out!

For me its not so much the businesses that give me a hard time, but random people.  

I guess part of my problem too is that many of my friends are from my church.  It was because I would go to church and spend the majority of the service alone in the nursing room, that I decided enough is enough I'm feeding where ever I am.  I sit in the section of "parents with small children" (by choice its not a policy) and still people get squirmy (dude, if you can't handle BFing, don't sit in the "parents with small children section").  Recently the church got a few emails, anonymously, asking what the BFing policy was.  Hmm interesting that the email came just a few weeks after I started!  The pastors were mixed in their opinions, thankfully my DH, who is one of the pastors, informed them that the law forbids them from asking me to leave and the policy became that BFing moms can stay.  

I guess I'm just sensitive to people's sideways glares.

On a funnier note, I was working in the kindergarten room one Sunday and had to BF, so I sat a distance away from the teenage male leaders and supervised the room from there.  One of the 4 year old girls saw what I was doing and exclaimed "Hey everyone look shes feeding her baby with her booby!" and insisted that everyone come and look.  Some of the others came and looked and walked about but she continued to be insistent "Hey everyone LOOK!"  Then she walked over to the teenage boys who were trying to ignore it "Look Judah, look Ben, shes feeding her baby with her booby! LOOK!"  I eventually got her to stop insisting by asking her if she wanted to play dolls with me while I fed and she can make her baby dolls feed from their mommies booby"

[Jenn+Ethan+Emily]

I usually use a nursing cover when in public simply because or whatever reason, it does make people uncomfortable. So I cover up. I go into th mother nursing room lots of time in malls because I like the silence and less distraction. There I don't use a cover. I will BF anywhere, restaurants, parks, whatever but I just normally cover up because other people get so awkward and covering doesn't bother me. However, DD does tend to just whip the cover up whenever she wishes so I am sure people get flashes. I nurse without a over in front of my family and girlfriends and in front of kids. I have had a little girl run over and peep down the nursing cover to take a look. Then she ran and got her Mom so her Mom could look too! The poor Mom was so embarrassed but I ensured her I really don't mind! Ethan happily gives commentary on how Emily is sucking in my nipple and embarrasses other women who are nursing by commenting on what their babies are doing also. It's quite cute!

[Fiver]

I think I've been very fortunate in that I've never had a particular problem NIP and haven't received any of the mean comments some others have.  In fact, I've had two or three (over the course of two children) really positive comments from people, often old ladies, saying how lovely it is to see someone BF.

I don't use a cover (not sure that there was even such a thing available when I had DS or not that I was aware of anyway).  With DS I had a pashmina that I would use to try to cover up a bit, but it got to be more of a nuisance and I didn't bother with DD.  Sometimes I'd have a muslin over my shoulder just for the initial latch on or so I could make a grab for it if she decided that looking about was a plan! LOL!

I great tip my friend had was to wear a vest top with a stretchy neckline underneath another t-shirt/jumper and then you can pull down the vest and up the other top so the minimum flesh is exposed and you don't get a cold midriff!

[anna*]

I'm more self-conscious about people seeing my wobbly tummy than seeing a boob or a nipple! Totally agree though that nursing in public is just an important thing to do ON PRINCIPLE. I figure if 'normalises' breastfeeding for just one little girl, then it is worth doing. I've never had a comment and if I've had one or two 'looks' I figure it is there problem not mine.

[Erin M]

LOL Anna, I think I'd rather someone see my boobs than my tummy too these days. 

[CCCmom27]

I covered up with a blanket when both mine were real little just to get a latch then moved the blanket.  I did get in the habit of wearing a camisole or something under another shirt so I could lift up the top shirt and pull down the camisole.  There's not much to see that way unless he pulls off.  I'm more concerned about my tummy/back fat than my boobs!  If we went out to dinner I tried to sit in a booth and sit so the side I would feed on way to the inside (esp if I didn't have 2 shirts on to cover the fat!).  Once we were out to eat and DS2 was a couple months old and had fallen asleep nursing so I pulled my shirt down and I was just holding him sleeping as I ate.  A waiter from another table came over to clear some dishes and looked at him and said 'Man I wish I could be doing what he is!'  My mom and DH's mouths dropped open because they didn't realize he wasn't nursing anymore.  It was hilarious.  I'm sure the poor guy would have been embarrassed had he known they thought he was a pervert!

It's funny how interested kids are in it and how embarrassed the moms are if they say something!  My SIL was mortified when her son kept asking questions and talking about it.

[atlantamomofthree]

I don't use a cover (not sure that there was even such a thing available when I had DS or not that I was aware of anyway).

Oh, yeah I only use blankets. I don't have an actual BF'ing 'cover'.

[~inbalance~]

I feel fortunate that I have never been met with any seeming disapproval for BFing in public (if anyone did disapprove I never caught wind of it!).  But in any event I feel like it's no one's business anyway!  I'm not a big fan of having my boobs hanging out all over the place though so do try to be discreet with covers and clever nursing clothes.  Still, would never let anything stop me from feeding my baby in public.