nearly 9 months in and I dont think I can do this anymore

[Avery3]

Ive had enough, Ive done every BW technique with this boy and hes still up about 5-6 times a night. i can count on one hand how many times hes slept through the night and Im EXHAUSTED!!! for example this evening DS2 has gone to bed at 6pm (due to wonky naps today) and woken up at 6.40pm. Ive been trying to get him back to sleep. Meanwhile DS1 is supposed to be getting ready to be in bed by 7pm... hes not nearly ready cos Im trying to get DS2 settled so DS1 ends up going to bed late and becoming OT and miserable the next day as well. This happens nearly every night!!! I cannot stay in that room trying to settle DS2 while DS1 is running rampant around the house in OT mode, only to have me come out and rush him into his own bedtime.

Ive dosed DS2 up with ibuprofen, Ive made sure hes eaten enough in teh day and not the wrong kinds of food. hes recovering from a cough but thats not the issue because this was happneing before he got sick too. My mother in law is coming to babysit him for the night next week and her comment to me was "we dont still have to pat him for half an hour everytime he wakes up do we?" and Im thinking "you shouldnt blardy well have to but ya do!!!" after 9 fricken months of this cr@p and Im still having broken sleep, everyone is irritable and fed up with DS2 and Im just over it.

I feel like theres nothing else left to do for this child! Ive done PU/PD, gradual withdrawal, routine changes, shh/pat. the most effective is shh/pat but its become a prop and im sick of being used to get him back to sleep when he wakes up nearly every single hour in the night.

this morning was a beauty of a start time too.... 4:45am. I tried for an hour and a half to get him back to sleep. Nope.

So I dont think I can do this anymore. Ive had enough. Im sick of him just not sleeping at night, he knows how to do it, Ive seen him do it, but he just wont and Im getting fed up. I cant even enjoy going out and leaving him with a babysitter because I know he will be up and down.

Im getting really upset with him and I really need some help

[kiwimum1]

Hi there,
I don't know if I have any solutions for you, but I did want to say hi and just say that its okay to be frustrated and that I will be thinking of you.  Have you had him checked by the doctor to see that its nothing medical like silent reflux?

Anyway, hope the rest of your day was better...

[Tiz_01]

No words of wisdom I'm afraid, I'm sure someone who knows what they are talking about will be along soon.  Just couldn't read and not leave loads of (((HUGS)))

[Avery3]

well its midnight and I'm trying to get him to sleep again for the 4th time. this is literally my night every single night. I just want to leave him in there to cry because I'm so over this.

so very very over this.

[Avery3]

ok I'm actually ready to hurt him. I HAVE to leave him to cry because its actually the  safer option for him right now.

I really need help! plse??!!

[C&B&E]

Has he always been like this?  Have you ruled out reflux pain and/or intolerances? 

Huge huge hugs - this does sound like something is causing him pain or discomfort. 

It's important you try and get some restbite - I have been in the place where I have felt like hurting my lo as she would not stop screaming, and I had to ask my mum to come over on several occasions when I was at my wits end.  My DD has reflux and so when that is not under control she does not nap, screams for hours and is up all night.

My suggestion would be to check out the reflux board and to ask for a trial of a ppi if you suspect reflux as then you will be able to rule it out quickly.  Other symptoms are back arching, wet hiccups, nose rubbing, feeding difficulties, coughing and hoarse voice.  any of that going on?

(((((((((())))))))))

[Shiv52]

Hugs

How are things with his reflux?   what meds is he on and what dose?  If he's been sick and is teething that will all make reflux flare up?

Can you post his day? Is he ready for a push in A time? 

Not that long ago he was doing amazing nights wasn't he?  Was it sickness that changed things? 

How are things with you?   Are you getting a break?   Are you still on meds?  It is so hard to deal with the non sleeping .  I have a 18 month old who has yet to STTN  and is up multiple times and it is so draining but I try to remember she is still little and at 9 months your DS is still a baby. 

What are you doing when he wakes at night?  Can he out himself to sleep for naps and bedtime?

[*Ali*]

ok I'm actually ready to hurt him. I HAVE to leave him to cry because its actually the  safer option for him right now.

I really need help! plse??!!

Hun I think you really need to reach out for some IRL help. This forum is a God send but it really can only go so far. I know in the UK we are advised to speak with our doctor if we have feelings of hurting our LOs. Even if it is not simply a medical issue like depression the doc can normally refer mamas on to services that can give support in other ways.
Or what about speaking to your family? I think it is important that someone IRL knows you are having these thoughts of being so overwhelmed.
Please remember hun he is just a little baby. He is not using you or doing any of this to hurt you.
Thinking of you.

[Roseii]

Sweetie if I were you I would get some ear plugs, set up camp next to his cot (on a mattress?) and pat him or stroke him thru the bars. I'm so sorry you're going through this xxx

[Avery3]

before I reply to any of these I HAVE one thing to say.... 4:35am.


I patted him for half an hour and he slept 10 mins. he's not crying hard out but he's just woken his brother up. I'm sitting here crying. I'm going insane.

[Avery3]

I can't do this. if I have to pat him or even get.him up I'm going to do something I will regret so I've left him screaming in his cot while I sit here crying my eyes out. its 6am and I don't know what else to do. he naps fine during the day when he's at home but crappy at daycare but he's never been waking this early with nw's. I can't deal with this. when I hear him crying I feel nothing bit anger and resentment. I didn't use to feel this way but after months and months of this I think I've become numb to his awful crying.

his reflux is fine. totally controlled so its not that.

[*Becky*]

hun, I do really know that feeling when it is 4.30am, I really do and the worry of him waking DS.
Is he teething at all??

You say naps are good - do you think he is actually getting too much day sleep? Is that possible? Or not long enough A times?

What is his routine right now?

[Shiv52]

It could be he has hit the 2-1 early.     Can you post his day?   At that age I imagine all those long NWs and EWs are UT.

So you use the patting at NWs?  But not for going to sleep initially?  He does that independently? 

Are you due a check up of your meds soon hun?  I think you need to mention your feeling to a health professional to make sure you get support.   Is there anyone you can contact who supported you when you were in hospital a while back?  Were you left with a contact from then?

If you just got him up would he be happy enough? 

[Khalam's Mama]

I feel your pain. It is soul destroying listening to the crying every single night. I would look at his reflux again. I know he has been miserable in the day and night. A lot of people have found this the only symptom. This is major sa age too and if you are so stressed I think this will only be exacerbating it. I agree you need to talk to a health professional if you are wanting to hurt him. He is nor doing this intentionally.

[Avery3]

well no i dont think hes getting too much day sleep. hes either not getting enough or hes getting the right amount but it doesnt seem to make much difference. Ive looked and he is teething a top tooth but I dosed him up with painkillers all night long. hes teethed before and that usually does the trick.

anyway yesterday was a loooooong day so it was all out of whack. he woke at 4.45am and I managed to get him back to sleep at 5.50am for 10mins so up for the day at 6am

wakeup 6am
nap 9.15 - 9.55am (daycare)
nap 1.15 - 1.50 (daycare)
bedtime 6pm (yes it was a long afternoon, he wouldnt take a 3rd nap)

usually though he will either do 2x 1.5 hour naps or a 2 hour AM and a 30min PM and it all works out.

In answer to Shiv's question yes we were having fantastic nights. for one week. then DS1 got sick and started wakinbg DS2 with his cough, then DS2 got sick and here we are again.

Its 8.30am and hes just gone down for his nap now. hes so spirited that he cannot go into bed with his eyes open. he needs to have his eyes closed (not asleep just relaxed) and into bed. I do not need to pat him to fall asleep unless hes mega OT. just to clarify, he is still awake when he goes into bed but he just has his eyes closed because he just cannot switch off. Ive tried long wind downs, short wind downs, it doesnt matter, he needs to be relaxed enough as he goes into his cot. I even talk to him as Im lowering him into his cot and I know he is still awake but dozing. Ive never had to pick him up and hold him back to sleep again