For those who enforce a 'try' rule, how do you enforce it?

[Tweakster]

I've heard a lot of you say that you enforce a rule of your kid having to at least try everything that is on the plate.  Just wondering how you get them to try it.  What are the consequences if they don't?  

We're in a bit of a picky phase again, based off what stuff 'looks' like and not what it tastes like.  He's lost interest in anything decent and yesterday drove me crazy asking for chocolate the entire day.  He doesn't want to eat proper food!  This is crazy because the amount of chocolate or anything remotely treat-like has been entirely limited for his 3 short years...we are following Anne's 'sometimes' food rules and we don't begrudge him the stuff or want him completely deprived of it (although anything candy or with dye I would be completely happy to see the back end of) but he's literally asking for it all.the.time.  We don't buy much of it and he doesn't get it on a daily basis.  Maybe the occasional weekend or week night I'll throw him some animal crackers or something.  But it's usually nothing or fruit.

Last night I made ham, steamed broccoli with cheese and sweet potato mash.  It was all very yummy.  He actually are the broccoli because he likes it that way...but he was refusing to try the ham and the sweet potato.  Eventually we got him to try the ham which he quickly snapped up and asked for more.  But the sweet potato took tons of work and he eventually did pick it up on his fork and dab it on his tongue at the front of the tongue and said 'I don't like that' but he hadn't really tasted it.  So I pulled the dessert card.  I had strawberries cut up for dipping in chcolate for dessert and so I said 'if you don't try it you don't get any'.  I felt bad but for some reason this really stuck in my craw that he wouldn't even put it in his mouth!  Eventually I talked to him about taste buds on our tongue and how we really couldn't only taste stuff at the front of our tongue but that we needed to fully put it in our mouths.  He finally agreed and made a big production out of it...only to like it and ask for more!

I get the concept that you should keep offering these foods but I'm loathe to make these meals and keep offering only for exposure sake when he typically refuses to even try something or I have to use punitive measures.

So again, how do you enforce that rule... maybe your kids are just really compliant? lol

[Mama2boys]

with DS1 its a family rule thing and I use that as a reinforcer. With DS2 well nothing works, but he is 2 and doe snot yet understand.

We talk and over explain and thats what works with DS1, so explain why we should try and use pats examples of when it worked and if all else fails we use house rules piece

[Tweakster]

And so I have already made it a rule...but I don't know what the consequence should be if he doesn't follow the rule...what is your consequence if DS1 refuses to try? And I mean literally says 'NO!' and purses his lips together lol

[Mama2boys]

i just say sorry thats not allowed, we all ahve rules and they have to be followed. TBH DS1 normally falls into line, but i would also reinforce with dessert so i'd have given him the berries not the chocolate as thats a sometimes thing IYKWIM

DS2 will probably do the whole NO thing though

[Shiv52]

We started pretty much the way you described your dinner tonight.  I wouldn't have had dessert sorted but I'm pretty sure I'd have said that if she didn't try it there would be nothing else tonight as I'd assume she wasn't hungry.  I didn't make it about eat this-then dessert, we simply talked about how our dinner time rule was everyone had to try everything on their plate.  A lot of talk about how if she didn't like it she didn't have to have anymore but it was good manners to try everything.  Loads of talk about how our bodies need different foods to grow and be strong and all that jazz then just the expectation but no real pressure.   We did have one night where there was a screaming drama over trying cauliflower cheese as i knew she'd like it.   I also offered dips to try new things and generally she'd eat anything if it were dipped in cheese sauce or ketchup. 

I think you did great tonight!

[rach321]

Ours goes a bit like this - stolen from another BWer on here!
You have to sniff the new food, then lick it and then take the tiniest little bite - that counts as trying it! DS1 is very against new foods especially vegetables and this will normally work for us.  Its been a long slow process but he is slowly improving, now we can even keep the things we don't like/want on the same plate without emptying them onto the table or floor! Reading that back - I'm probably in no position to offer advice!

[Lana]

Tbh I didnt start the one bite rule until the boys were about 4.5.  However if he licked it then I would let it go.  It did touch his mouth

For us you had to try one bite and if you didnt then you would get that same item back at snack time.  I only had to follow through once with each boy and they learned the one bite rule was not negotiable.  I also make sure there are things on the plate that they do like as well

[~Sara~]

Having a very picky eater who is stubborn to boot, I've found the best approach to be "This is what we have" and then just go on with dinner.  I do try to make things that he'll like as part of the dinner, but DH and I can't eat exactly what A's currently liking allllll the time (I have my grilled cheese limit!).

We have the "Try..." rule, too.  But it's really more of a request when you think about it.  You can't force them to eat something, but you can have consequences like Mommy isn't making something else; no dessert; you can get down from the table if you're done; or if you're hungry later on, then you can have the rest of your dinner.

Like Shiv, we talk a lot about how it's good to try new things.  Sometimes, we don't like the food, but sometimes we LOOOOOOOOVE it!  Does it lead to A trying most of the new foods we give him?  Nope!  But, we choose to take the pressure off ourselves and just say, "Well, such-and-such is on your plate in case you'd like to try it."  Beyond that, DH will try to negotiate with him, but that can backfire big time if A gets fixated on the "prize" food.  Eh, we're still learning how to navigate these waters, too.  Heck, I was thrilled last night when the goober finally tried mashed potatoes and a bite of green bean.

Oh, and don't worry about Finn asking for chocolate and candy all the time.  A does that, too, even though the child hardly gets any   It's not a reflection on you; it's just they have good memories and KNOW that stuff is yummy to them.  They keep asking for it because, well, they're 3yos, and that's what 3yos do

Just keep doing what you're doing!  Staying patient, calm, and talking can help, but also don't get too frustrated and feel like you have to do the whole song and dance routine to get him to try something, either.  You're doing the best you can, but he has his free will  

ETA: I think it's important to recognize when they do try something new--at least, in the beginning.  Especially, if it's something they tried and DIDN'T like.  Let him know that, "You know, buddy, you tried that and it wasn't very tasty.  But now you know."  The pleasing taste of foods they do like, I think, reinforces the trying rule in and of themselves.

[Tweakster]

Oh thank goodness Sara lol  Of course they have a memory.  Their bodies do too.  Duh!  I don't know why I wouldn't expect otherwise.  How do I think I got hooked on the crap lol?  Yesterday he literally cried because I put his Easter chocolate in the cupboard.  He then wanted it on the table.  Then when it was on the table he wanted the bag opened.  Finally I said, you know what, this isn't working for me so I put it away totally again and he cried and cried.  Tom is already irritated by the 'every occasion needs chocolate' thing ie Valentine's, Easter, summer, Halloween, Christmas etc etc.  He's totally against it altogether.  

Finn does have free will which is why I am just wondering how you actually enforce the rule.  It's not a real rule if you can't enforce it lol  Like what if I say you have to smell it and it has to touch your tongue and he won't even go that far?  I'm just thinking maybe Lana is right and he's too young.  

We do a lot of talking in our house, A lo-hot of talking lol  He chooses whether to listen or not.

Rach, he's totally the same.  Offending food cannot be on his plate.  He cries and cries.  Hates it.  Or he'll try to keep putting it on the table.

[~Sara~]

Finn does have free will which is why I am just wondering how you actually enforce the rule.  It's not a real rule if you can't enforce it lol  Like what if I say you have to smell it and it has to touch your tongue and he won't even go that far?  I'm just thinking maybe Lana is right and he's too young.

ITA, which is why I view it more like a request...one that you have to repeat ad naseaum until one time, they decide that you might know what you're talking about and acquiesce to you.  The fact that you're not going to be a short order cook for whatever he wants in lieu of the new food is the enforcing.  Like Lana said, when you have some other things he'll eat as part of the meal, things go a bit more smoothly.

What if you had a separate plate for him for his "To Try" foods.  That way, they're still in his sight if he decides to go at 'em, but they're not contaminating his other foods.   This also might appeal more to his strong sense of autonomy in that he can then call the shots as the whether or not he eats it.  You're just giving him the chance.

And yes, I hate all the candy.  I don't mind him having some every now and then.  But, I prefer to only give him a couple small pieces at a time.  So, really, a fun sized bag of M&Ms could last for at least a week!

[~ Vik ~]

We have a try rule: he has to try everything on his plate BUT if he doesn't like it he is allowed to spit it out. I have huge food/texture issues and the thought of swallowing something I don't like is too much for me; I would never force it on Dylan. Licking the food counts as trying it. If he chooses not to try everything that's fine, but there will be no treats before bedtime, only his milk and an offer to try supper again. I would say it works about 70% of the time (if you include licking! lol) and when it doesn't work I don't make a big deal of it, just remind him that choosing not to try XYZ means that there will be no treat with his bedtime snack. Sometimes he'll quickly lick the offending item before I take his plate away

(and our bedtime treat isn't necessarily a sugar-treat, though it is sometimes. Applesauce, fruit, raisins, homemade muffins or loaves, etc., but something that he enjoys so that it is an incentive)

[Katet]

We don't have the 'have to try rule' But we do have the "you have to have eaten 4 things on the plate before you get more of anything on the plate. So every meal WILL have 5 things on it... most days 4 I know will get eaten but every so often, it will only be 3 & so they have to try one to get more of a prefered food.

So as an example when they were younger I might have made a chicken casserole for DH & myself, DS1 was still a "single food" eater, so he'd have a small peice of chicken (I'd cook in batches & re-heat) rice, green bean & the casserole & Pumpkin (back then the Pumpkin & casserole wouldn't be eaten... so he had to choose to try a mouthful to get more of the chicken he wanted.  The first time he ate just a mouthful, now he asks for seconds... I do count the casserole as his 5 foods because it has more than 5 parts to it when served with rice KWIM.

I've been known to add peices of fruit or rice crackers to make sure I have the 5 things.

As an example for Dinner tonight will be sausages & fried onions (cos you can't have steak or sausages without them - even though I won't even eat the sausages LOL)  mash pototo, cauliflower, pumpkin & green beans & mushrooms, DS1 will eat everything  (except Mushrooms), but DS2 will eat the sausages, beans, cauliflower & then choose between the potato, cauliflower & pumpkin... when he has a bite of one (& then say "I still don't like it) I will let him have some bread so he can have his sausage on it... he knows the drill, complains he still won't like it, but I say... if you don't want more, don't & some days he won't eat more, others he will have the bite so he can have more of his prefered food.

I personally can't do the "try everything on your plate" because I do cook foods I don't overly like (or don't like me), my DH & boys like sausages & lamb lots & I don't,  I also don't eat food with wheat, so if I'm not going to eat the lamb & they have never seen me even try it (because I won't) then how can I enforce it for them... thus the must eat 4 things to get seconds of a "prefered" food. (DH & I usually have about 6-8 different foods because I never serve less than 5 veg with meat if I do a "meat & veg meal" ) - there are also foods DH won't eat/try - like Mushrooms & I'm not going to force him to eat them.

[Mom to M&M]

Following along... As you know we have massive problems (with DS, DD will try almost anything) on this front.

[atlantamomofthree]

Our rule when our kids were little (say 4 and under?) is that they had to try it but they could spit it out in the trash if they did not like it. Sounds gross, but it was an effective way to go about it because there was no 'committment' on their part. Kwim? And they found that some things they didn't think they'd like, that they did!

From about 5yrs & up, though, we require(d) them to have a small serving of everything WITH swallowing. 

Only thing we have never made them have-even a taste-is spicy/strong tasting food. So, they don't eat chili, etc. I *could* make it less spicy for them, I guess, but I'm not too worried about them liking it tbh. They will when they're older most likely.   

As far as how to enforce it? Like anything else, if mama or daddy says to do something, they need(ed) to do it! If not, timeout or loss of privileges was/is in order.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

We don't have the 'have to try rule' But we do have the "you have to have eaten 4 things on the plate before you get more of anything on the plate.

Our "rule" is sort of like this...if they want more of one thing (for some reason rice is their favourite food!) they have to taste everything else on their plate.  For Masyn I ask that she actually eat a few bites, with Spencer (sensory issues!) we use the old if/then..."if you taste a piece of ham, then you can have more rice."  It inspired quite a few screaming tantrums in which she had to leave the room to calm down and then we came back and she ate what I asked her to try and declared "I like it"  .  Now that I know she understands the whole if/then thing, I use it alot to get her to taste, and she is allowed to spit it out if it really bothers her.  I have huge food issues with taste/smell/texture too.