I need help with myself and DS2's eating

[Shiv52]

How are things Mukta? 

If Olly went away hungry we would have the most horrendous tantrums. Shiv, do you have any advice here?

TBH I would start talking about how he is grumpy and tired because he hasn't eaten and help him start to make the association in his mind and body.  You can't make LOs eat.   So when you say if he went away hungry?  What do you mean?  Do you mean you keep offering different things at a meal until you find something he is willing to eat?

The 'back pocket' thing - is that assuming that you are offering mainly foods that they will eat? What if it is day when their teeth are hurting and they won't eat their faves? They go hungry?

I offer meals with at least 2 things i know they are sure to eat and so I wouldn't then produce a different meal.  I find if teeth are sore R doesn't eat much of anything anyways but I still don't produce 'favourites' to make sure she eats.  Its just not in my mentality to be cajoling kids to eat.  When eating is poor with teeth or whatever I do offer porridge before bed and that is generally gobbled up but to me that is completely different to 'oh here is chicken pie and spuds and carrots for dinner' ....'oh you dont' want that...well here is yogurt and fruit.....oh no not want that either ok lets get porridge.  Honestly the biggest issue i have found with picky eaters is when they work out they can hold out for favourites. It actually makes them limit more in my experience.    Not saying thats what you are doing but in my mind it is really healthy to have the mindset that we eat meals as a family, this is your meal (obviously with things they will eat too), eat it or don't, no big deal and definately no pressure about it but absolutely no scuttling round making alternatives. 

When M was 3/3.5 we introduced a one bite rule where she has try everything on her plate and that has worked really well but I wouldn't have done it any younger than that.

[Buntybear]

Thanks xx my problem is he is just so limited and then on top of that fussy! His meals consist of pasta, rice or toast and then a plain meat and a veg. that is it really. I am not sure how to mix that up! I worry so much already about his diet (ie lack of calcium from no dairy) that am reluctant to take one of those food stuffs away to replace with something new.

So sorry Mukta, take over with my problems! Hope you are doing ok xxx

[Jimbob]

Is Olly on a dairy free formula like neocate? If not does Olly have a milk alternative with added calcium. James no longer has neocate but we use coconut milk with added calcium in his cereal. The dietician we see at the hospital as put James on a calcium supplement though as he will not drink any of the milk alternatives we have tried anymore. With the list of foods you give if Olly is not also having one of the above it might be worth asking if he needs a calcium supplement.

Kelly x

[Buntybear]

Hi Kelly, he has oat milk with added calcium x

[Shiv52]

{{{hugs hun}}}

You know honestly hun I wouldn't worry too much about the pickiness.  I think so long as LOs don't get into the pattern of refusing food and mum running to make something new then it doesn't matter if they eat a limited diet.  I would concentrate on providing meals and not making alternatives and then work on getting him to accept a new food just sitting on his plate and slowly move from there.  

Is he having many snacks? i think at this age I had to stop the pm snack otherwise M wouldn't eat dinner at all.

[Buntybear]

Thanks shiv, I have taken advice on board and have offered things I wouldn't normally but alongside his normal meal (lunch, baked beans. dinner stew) he didn't touch either but I feel like I have made the effort! They were only from my plate so no effort.

[Shiv52]

I think that is a great start.  In fact i often find R will eat things if they are on my plate but wouldn't entertain them if they were on her own.  DH joked the other day I should sit with her lunch and I'd have a better chance of her eating it. 

I think with R as she is number 2 I just don;t have time to be worrying whereas with M i'd have known every morsel that went into her mouth.  I am just thinking R didn't actually eat her soup at lunch and she ate about 2 bits of chicken chow mein at dinner but what can you do?!

[Buntybear]

Thanks - I wish I could offer food from my plate but most of the time I can't. And if I can it is the same dinner that he is having anyway.

[Shiv52]

ITs tough with allergies hun.  I think you do a great job so don't beat yourself up. All we can do is offer a variety of healthy foods and let them eat what they will xx

[Buntybear]

I offered him salmon fillet, french fries and broccoli for tea (with stew on the side) he only ate the chips  and one bite of broccoli  . Big bowl of soy yoghurt and pineapple chunks for pud though. Too young to have the no pudding rule surely!

[Mama2boys]

Hi ladies,

sorry I have been traveling for work so not there to see how eating is going and when I am tarveling I menu their food to things I knwo they will enjoy.

I am traveling netx week agains o mid may onwards I will start working on the etaing.

So when you guys say put 2 things you know they eat, can I have an example? Like if I have cooked a pasta bake for the main would you consider 2 type sof veggies on the side he likes as ok and then if he eats only the veggies without touching the pasta its ok? and you would give him as much of the veggie he wants?

[CCCmom27]

You know honestly hun I wouldn't worry too much about the pickiness.  I think so long as LOs don't get into the pattern of refusing food and mum running to make something new then it doesn't matter if they eat a limited diet.  I would concentrate on providing meals and not making alternatives and then work on getting him to accept a new food just sitting on his plate and slowly move from there.

^^^Totally agree!!

I only did 1 thing I knew he liked and most of the time it was the veggies because he doesn't like meat very much.  Others might disagree but it worked for us.  Still doesn't like meat all that much but eats some so I'm okay with it.

[Buntybear]

Mukta, I would think it depends on what he eats at other meals? If he had had a great lunch then just veges at dinner should be ok. Though I would prob have a protein on the dish too that he likes.

At around the age of 2 we started saying to olly if you eat these peas you can have more chicken etc and that works. Only with foods that were on offer anyway. As I understand it, it is a step forward if they even just touch a new food, I have heard of where kids are encouraged to kiss or lick foods as a step toward eating it.

[Shiv52]

Like if I have cooked a pasta bake for the main would you consider 2 type sof veggies on the side he likes as ok and then if he eats only the veggies without touching the pasta its ok? and you would give him as much of the veggie he wants?

So if i am doing spag bol I would do a veg on the side and garlic bread so that to me is five things....the pasta, the sauce, the meatballs, the veg, the garlic bread.  So both mine will readily eat the pasta and the meatballs.  There is no more of those until they try the others.  SO with your veggies, I would give a normal sized portion and if he requests more I'd say to try the pasta bake first and then you'll get him some more.

At that age though mine ate better depending on how it was served (wee monsters) so with spag bol, M ate it ALL if I put the sauce on the side in a bowl rather than dumped on top like I did with ours.   She liked to be able to see all the components of what she was eating IYKWIM?!

and when I am tarveling I menu their food to things I knwo they will enjoy.

It must be hard with workign but I think when you start to change things up I would make the new eating rules ALL the time KWIM?  So they are the same with you, daddy, nanny whatever so that he realises this is just how meals are as opposed to this is how meals are when mummy is here as i could see that potentially causing issues! 

[*Becky*]

Hugs Mukta. Such good ideas on this thread...I think our children sound quite alike. I forget - are there sensory issues here? Right from when he was weaned H has been fussy with food, did not like certain textures, gagged a lot etc. M does none of it and will (atm) essentially eat anything and it is a joy but it has also made me realise it is not my fault that H is the way he is. I know how easy it is to blame yourself and how comments can be hard to take to. My mum always comments on H's eating and it drives me crazy!