PLEASE HELP 20 mo screaming at bedtime, wont go in cot

[clairebear79]

Foxy - the routine KayDee posted above is very similar to something we've fallen into with O atm.  He got so so shattered with the nap capping I stopped.  He's now doing something like this:

Up:   6.30-6.40 ish
Nap: 1-3/3.15   (I am generally leaving him to it at naptime but I will wake at 3.15pm if he's still asleep or it affects BT)
Bed: 8-8.30      (I put him in bed at 7.50pm & then he falls asleep when he is ready, typically 8.15

OK his day is long, but he is handling it so so well, b/c he gets a decent & restorative nap in the middle of the day.  The red eyes are gone & his mood is great.  Yesterday he napped 2.5hrs and he did 10.5hrs overnight so 13hrs total in 24 - the first time we've had that in quite a while.  So for now I am staying with it!x

[*foxy*]

Hi

She had a 1.5 hour nap from 12.30-2pm (I had to wake her) BT was ok, she was asleep by 8pm, I put her in her cot at 7.20 and stayed by her cot. I do agree that she needs at least 5 hours A time before bed and then it takes at least 30 mins for her to settle. So today was a 6 hour am A time and then a 6 hour pm A time. BT was manageable tonight, no horrible screaming which was nice!

Hi Claire, that's interesting that your doing a longer nap with a shorter night. I tried the one hour nap but it didn't seem to change BT or help us to get a longer night and M has just ended up being OT. She started resisting naps and wouldn't go to sleep until 1pm but instead of shortening her nap maybe I should've pushed it back and let her sleep for the same amount of time with a later BT.

We'll see how tonight goes first!

[*foxy*]

Ok so things were going ok, not great, but ok and then she started with the new CM.
There was A LOT of crying and screaming 'munmy' when I dropped her off (she's been there 4 times before so it's not completely new and I told her from pretty much the moment I walked into her room in the morning that she was going to have a fun day with the CM while mummy went to work) of course M wouldn't nap at all even though the CM tried for half an hour and M ended up crashing out on the sofa for half an hour at 4pm!

Bedtime was really really really awful. I've never heard her scream like that. I had to walk around with her cradled in my arms like a baby for 20 minutes just to calm her down. It took another half an hour with me stroking her arm until she fell asleep (7.30pm) She sttn until 6.10am

This morning she kept taking herself off into her room and lying down on the sofa which she never does. I eventually managed to get her out of the house and she was mostly ok. Nap was 12.30-2.30 I woke her as I didn't want another awful maybe UT BT and potentially EW?

I had no idea what to do tonight, she seemed really wired and is messing around in her cot. If this happens again next week, should I try for a super early BT, what do I do about the nap the next day?

[clairebear79]

hi foxy.  oh bless her, she may just take a while to settle in with the new CM, yk?  Is your CM putting her in a familiar environment for sleeping eg cot/with favourite teddy/in dark like she would have at home?  Just wondering if she can perhaps try to do things as much like home as she can.

WRT last night's awful BT - what time did you start?  I suspect that even though she may have been OT from such a huge morning, given she napped so late, 4-4.30pm, it will have refreshed her enough so that if you started BT at say 6.30/7, it won't have been nearly enough A time.  I am finding these days with O that even if he has a short nap, an early bedtime doesn't work so well.  We've had similar screaming the last 2 weeks after he's been at nursery & just napped for 1hr - I tried EBT & he went nuts & I had to cuddle him to sleep.  So I think next time I will only pull BT forward by 15mins max.  I think if similar happens next week, you may struggle to get her down again for a super early BT.  Of course if she didn't nap at all then I would definitely say EBT is the way to go.

As for today, what time did she eventually settle to sleep?  7.30-8?  I'll be interested to see how your she sleeps tonight after the longer nap. 

x

[*foxy*]

Hi

She eventually settled at 8.30pm! And woke at 10.30 needing me to help settle her. She's awake now 6.25am.
She seemed so so tired on the way home from the CM's and then was just wired. Getting her dressed was horrible. It's just knowing what to do the following day too. She needs a longer nap but then she has a later BT that night and then she has to be up at 6.30 today so I can frop her off before work. Unless I do an earlier nap the following day (after the CM) as I'm sure she would go down earlier

I've gone through with the CM what we normally do and M has her usual sleeping bag and musical projector thing and she sleep in a travel cot there.

[*foxy*]

She had a nap from 12.30-2 today and is being a nightmare! She finally fell asleep at 8.20pm, we put her in her cot at 7.10 (usual time) and she was awful. Crying, messing around, wanting stupid things like her juice bottle and then not wanting it and then lying on it so it was uncomfortable but insisted that she keep hold of it. Crying until I picked her up etc etc. the last couple of days have been exhausting.

[Kay Dee]

Aw, sorry it's still not going well. I really do think she needs a later bedtime if she has a decent nap though. Can you start putting her down at 7.30 and then gradually move it later if she's still not settling?

(hugs) x

[*foxy*]

Thanks kaydee, Yeah we can do that, I was just hoping we could catch her up a bit because she's a real challenge since being there. But what do I do the day after the CM's if she doesn't nap or has 30mins at 4 o'clock? She was so so tired when I picked her up and BT was just horrible. She's been such hard work ever since. I did a CU nap the day after of 2 hours 12.30-2.30 and then BT was 8.30pm. She needs loads of help to settle and just cries and cries. I'm dreading next week as I think just as we've got her back on track it'll be the day she's at the CM's. I'm just hoping she has some sort of nap at her usual time.

If we do push BT back to 8.30pm, her usual WU time is 6.30am so only a 10 hour night with a 1 hour 15 nap? Is that enough sleep overall?

[Truly Blessed]

Hello Honey,

I'm sorry I have been out of the loop for a while, could you give me a run down of what's going on right now please  A 10 hour night with a 1.15 nap isn't enough sleep in 24 not even for LSN LO's of DD's age  . I think you need to be looking at 12 absolute minimum but preferably 13.

Is there any chance she needed to go down earlier rather than later  I'm not ruling out Kay Dee's suggestion..but it's always good to rule out an earlier BT before pushing it out YK  just in case, and then if it doesn't work push it out slowly as KD said 

Anyway I'll wait to hear about what's been going on  Sorry to ask, it just saves me time trawling back over the thread as I have had laptop trouble and been away for a few days so I need to get up to speed with a few people.

Vicki.x.

[*foxy*]

Hi Vicki

DD started properly with a new childminder on Wednesday. The drop off was awful and then she didn't nap at her usual time, despite the CM trying, but crashed out on the sofa at 4-4.30pm. She looked completely knackered when I picked her up (but happy) so we gave her tea and struggled to get her ready for bed as whatever we did was wrong. BT was such a struggle, I've never heard her scream like that. I had to walk around with her to calm her down. She eventually went to sleep at 7.30pm. The night was ok, she was up at about 6.20am

She's been really hard work during the day ever since, so clingy and so sensitive to everything. I can barely get her dressed and getting out of the house is a right battle.

On Thursday I gave her a long nap from 12.30-2.30 I had to wake her up and she was still grumpy! BT was a struggle again. Asleep by 8.30pm

Friday WU 6.25, nap 12.30-2, BT 8.20pm lots of crying again.

Today WU 7am, we had a NW at 4.30 and again at 4.45, she was very upset so for the first time in ages I got her into bed with me in her room. She was very cuddly. The sun came up on her gro clock at 6.45am but didn't wake us up. Nap was 1.50-2.05 today. BT 8.15pm. Lots of messing around and crying and she's needing my help although I'm gradually withdrawing it.

I'm just wondering if theres a better way for me to deal with the messed up day at the CM's. I know it will improve but I'm knackered! And hoping next week will be better.

We go to the Olympics next Sunday and then on holiday so I'm dreading how she'll be after all that. It was unfortunate timing but we can't not go to the Olympics! However, saying that, the way she's been the last few days has had me think twice about what we're doing!

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Sweetheart,

How many weeks old is she  It sounds like 'Wonder Week' behaviour to me, are you familiar with the 'Wonder Weeks'  They are developmental leaps that happen at certain times up to 2 years old and whenever Sam was having a week like that, I would look it up and 'Hey Presto' a WW. However her having a new CM is also a big up heavel for her, so it may just be totally natural 'settling in' behaviour. Here's a link for the WW:

http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=wonder+weeks+calendar&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CF8QFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thewonderweeks.com%2F&ei=hR8eUJTmB6ml0AWPhoCQDw&usg=AFQjCNFy4DZFjAAofvg5GOz0wLU1dlSqQA

WRT to the Olympics and your holidays, there is no point in sweating it  . They are wonderful things to do, so just go with the flow and see what happens. Hey, she may end up sleeping more, you never know 

(HUGS)

Vicki.x.

[*foxy*]

Hi

Thanks for the link, I haven't got time to look at it properly now but will do later. I have heard of the Wonder Weeks but don't know much about it.
Last night was a bit better although at about 3am I had to go in and help her to settle but she didn't need me to lie next to her in bed again (thank goodness as I don't want that to start up again!) She woke at 6am so another short night. I might try an earlier BT tonight as I don't know how to get her to have more sleep! A longer nap= an awful late BT but she doesn't seem to tack when I give her a shorter nap!

[clairebear79]

A longer nap= an awful late BT but she doesn't seem to tack when I give her a shorter nap!

Foxy this is the exact situation we are in too.  If DS has a long nap (2-2.5hrs) he doesn't fall asleep til between 8-8.30pm & wakes the next day at around 6.30-6.45am, so 10-10.5hr night max.  But if I cut his nap he still only sleeps 10-10.5hrs so he actually gets less sleep overall.  Someone here said to me the best thing is to do whatever gets them the most sleep in 24hrs.  So if its short nap longer night do that, if its longer nap shorter night, do that.  You do however, also need to watch her mood.  If she is exhausted & tired with a short nap, she may sleep longer at night but if she is grumpy & miserable during the day & looks tired then its clearly not the best thing for her. 

HTH.x

[*foxy*]

Hi Claire

Thank you for your reply. Atm she's having a 1 hour 15 min nap and she was asleep by 8pm which is good compared to previous nights. I'm hoping we can get a 10.5 hour night but that 11 hr 45 over 24 hours. We're still working on BT and when things were good (sigh) she was asleep by 7.45pm so I'm hoping to get back to that. She's back at the CM's on Wednesday I'm just hoping she'll nap! She was absolutely brilliant today, so much fun. I love it when she's back to that. It's either meltdowns over nothing or she's dancing, singing and making everyone laugh!! One extreme to another..........Spirited child

[Truly Blessed]

Hi Honey,

It looks to me like her day is too long atm. I think because she is being pushed at both ends you know  With a nap that short, I would bring BT forward and keep the A time to 5 hours minimum consistently then see where you're at...watcha think  ?? A short nap isn't what you're aiming for though is it  I just mean that when she does try keeping the day shorter.

Vicki.x.