Just - why? So frustrated!

[ENMS]

She is so amiable and smiley and never SEEMS overtired or overstimulated until it is too late, yk?

Anna, just throwing in my 2 cents here... Both of my babies were very sensitive to OS... especially when there were people over or when we would see the IL (we see them every 2 months or so since they live far away and they seem to want to make the most of the little time they get with them iyswim  ).  DD used to be all smiles and happy until it was BT... then she would scream unconsolably for a good hour to get it out of her system, and she would be fine, STTN, etc.  With DS, we just went to see the IL for the first time this past week-end. Same happened during the day, he was all smiles, happy, etc. I expected a meltdown at BT... didn't happen. BUT, we had more NW than usual, and after his NF (2 of them), it took him 1.5h to go back to sleep. He was chatty, happy, not frustrated, not crying at all. But this has never happened before. Usually after his NF he goes right back to sleep.  At first I was puzzled but then I realized it was just his way of reacting to OS.  We came back home and it went back to the same as before, no more of these happy wakings, just regular NF and then asleep.

So all to say, I was very surprised that this was his response to OS and I just wanted to share it with you.

I understand though, that there is not much you can do if that OS is caused by regular, day to day activity, and her big brother, you can't avoid any of it really 

[anna*]

I'm interested by the OS/chronic OT angle... have posted on General Sleep for tips/ideas on how I might be able to just limit it for her for the next few days: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=230805.0

[clazzat]

Os was a big issue for e as well, and I actually worked out that the best way to deal with it for her was to cut her a times way down compared to the usual for her age. She wasn't a happy os baby, though, so it might be different.

Have you thought about set naps? They helped us to get to a properly predictable day which made life a lot less stressful as I could rely on good down time during the day to recharge and cope with the day and gear myself up for the night. I know it would have been different if I had had an older one who was past the napping stage but even if you had some good time that you knew you would be able to focus on stan or get things done then it might take some of the stress off.

As for your co-sleeping concerns: I think s is old enough to understand that the needs for a baby are different from his needs and therefore he doesn't get to come in your bed. It would be worth figuring out something that he can do which is similar that is just for him because he is a big boy. If a wakes in the evening then you can try to settle her in her cot, or (which we do with x if he is very unhappy) bring her down to watch tv with you for a while until she falls back to sleep and then put her back in her cot.  When it was time to wean co-sleeping with e, I slept in her room on a bed and reassured her verbally that I was there but didn't touch her or pick her up - it took about 3 nights when she was 18 months. One thing I would say, though - I have always put them down in their own beds at the start of any sleep, and only ap'ed latter on in the night rather than helping them get to sleep in the first place. I think that is why we have managed to wean it so easily with e and why x will sleep much longer stretches when he can.

[anna*]

Well, here we are again. 11.30 and she has been awake for 1.5hrs. She woke a couple of times between bedtime and 10 but settled herself back to sleep. I have fed her because I didn't know if she was feeling poorly and the only way she will take Calpol is in a bottle with milk. But she has been crying for over an hour since then. What is wrong with her. Jeez, I am so bored of her bullsh!t. Every single damn night.

[Peek-a-boo]

{{{Hugs}}}  I'm so sorry.  I've so been there.   I try to remember that baby is probably just as frustrated as I am.  She doesn't want to be crying and not sleeping, but it's her only coping strategy. 


So here's me . . . I'd try to make a decision:   am I in sleep training mode and I'm going to be a hard-ass and do whatever it takes to teach independent sleep?  OR am I an survival mode and I'm going to do whatever it takes to end the crying and get both of us some sleep? 

Either mode is okay, but hopping back and forth between the two is confusing for both you and baby, so I'd pick and one and stick with it. 

{{{Hugs}}}

[anna*]

I'm in sleep training mode, just not getting anywhere with it and questioning wtf I am doing  

I got her up for Calpol because I thought she had a temperature (the little boy who she is at daycare with got sick today with a high fever) but I don't trust my thermometer it kept giving different readings. Anyway if she did have a fever it was mild. I don't THINK I'm hopping back and forth between modes? Am I?

And, I'm definitely getting close to the end of what I (we, as a family) can handle. Then we go into survival mode - only I'm not sure what that means, what that looks like, and where we go from there. So maybe I'm not in any mode at all, just trying to get through each night, hour by hour.

[j.and.e]

Maybe its developmental. What does she do? Cry inconsolably? Can u comfort her but she still wont sleep? I spent hours nxt 2ds2s cot patting him in the nite... He didnt really stop rubbish sleep till 1yo. I usd to fall asleep on a duvet on the flr nxt2his cot. Xx

[anna*]

Not inconsolable, just very loud and for a very long time. Mantra cry then escalating, then back to mantra, then escalating. No idea why or what is wrong. If it is a developmental leap, it has been going on for over eight weeks now without much change. She doesn't really stop crying/shouting until she goes back to sleep.

[anna*]

OK scratch that about sleep training mode. After 1.5hrs, she went back to sleep for 15 mins and she's awake again. I am in floundering, desperate, no idea what I'm doing mode.

[j.and.e]

I wud try sleep on the flr and just put a hand thru the cot if u need to. I did that with ds2. At least u can sleep a bit. Ds2 was always either ill, teething or 'developing' some kids are sensitive. He rarely sttn at 17mo. Just do whatever you can to survive and admit u cant fix evrything. If shes doing well in other regards and is happy and healthy you must be doing a gd job. Hp rest of ur nite is bettr xx

[anna*]

I can't reach the cot from the floor, there isn't space next to it for someone to sleep just an 18" gap. I'm not trying to fix everything, just get some sleep so I can function. She is not ill or teething.

[Peek-a-boo]

Hun, it sounds to me like survival mode right now.  I'd taker her out and crash with her where ever it's safe--snuggle together on the floor in the living room--even if that's you lying there and her flailing and writhing next you.  Try to get some rest.  Give yourself 3 days of do-anything survival mode and then regroup and decide how you want to move forward. 

[katie80]

I agree, Anna. This is stressing you both out and it's not helping anything. Take some time to regroup and try to get some sleep. We'll always be here when you're ready to try again or try something else. (((Hugs)))

[clazzat]

I agree too - and even though it doesn't feel like it, lying next to her (wherever that is) with your eyes closed while she screams is actually more restful than standing over her.

I have to say it does sound like there is something more to it - my vote would still be teeth, despite the fact that calpol doesn't help. Have you tried nurofen?  That worked much better for e than calpol.

[babymunkey]

I agree too Anna. I don't see that you have any other option but for her to cry - you've tried everything you can to help her. But stay with her, I used to do that with H.

I would also still go back to the doctors again - don't expect anything to come of it, but donut anyway to have it logged and to keep your mind at rest.

Hugs honey, hope the rest of the night improved.