Used to sleep perfectly, now waking twice a night!

[:: ANA ::]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this website.  I just recently discovered about Tracy Hogg and I'm willing to learn as much as possible about her ideas and methods, especially since my 11mo has been recently struggling to sleep by himself and then waking up at night once or twice.

He used to sleep through the night perfectly well, by himself, lights off, not having me around, since he was about 2mo.
He used to sleep from 8pm to 7am with one or two short naps during the day.

Now it's been a couple of months where his sleeping pattern has changed: waking up too early in the morning, waking up in the middle of the night without any apparent reason.  And this last week has been the worst of all.  He's unable to sleep by himself, I have to stay right next to him for about 30 minutes until he falls asleep. Then he wakes up around midnight and then again around 4am, crying.  This last waking is the worst because it usually takes him around an hour or a bit more to fall back asleep.

What I'm doing is just stay there and comfort him.  I don't even need to take him out of the crib, I just put him down gently again and again everytime he stands up. I kiss him, hug him and pat his back for a while until he falls asleep again.
 
I've thought about all possible reasons for this:
Of course he's teething (but he's teethed before and this didn't happened).
We just moved in to another house (in the past he had never had problems adjusting to new surroundings -on vacation, when visiting grandparents, etc.-
The only big difference I see in his behavior is the so called "separation anxiety" which has become very intense during daytime too.

Well, I'm feeling very lost, have no idea who to ask about this (my mom and my pediatrician say I should let him cry) and of course I'm exhausted, desperate and in the worst mood. I want to believe it's just a phase, but every night at 4am I don't feel so sure anymore.

I'm willing to hear any comments that you believe might help!
Thanks so much!

[katie80]

Hi and welcome to BW!

It does sound like he's got some separation anxiety happening for sure and you moving into a new house is probably playing a big part in that. You are doing all the right things for that in staying with him and reassuring him. Letting him cry will not help that at all.

There's often increased NWs in LOs this age when their routine needs a tweak. Would you please write out your routine for us to take a look at?

Something like this
Wake ...
Eat ...
Sleep
Eat ...
Sleep ...
Etc etc.

[:: ANA ::]

Hi!
Thank you for answering so fast!
My LO's routine looks something like this:

Wake.- 6:30/7:00
Eat.- 8:00
Sleep.- Around 10:30, for about 30-45min.  This usually happens in his stroller while I walk in the park. If I don't go exercise, he might as well skip the nap and then fall asleep later while in the car (usually an even shorter nap).
Eat.- Noon
Eat.- 4:00
Sleep.- Around 4:00, but not always. Sometimes he just skips afternoon nap.  When he does nap, he likes to sleep longer (60-90min probably), but I try to wake him at 5pm, 5:30 maximum if he fell asleep around 5:00.
Eat.- 7:45pm/8:00pm (At 7:00pm we begin our night routine: massage, story, bath, etc.)
Sleep.- 8:00/8:30pm

And that's it!

Thanks for reading and being there.

Ana

[katie80]

Ok, it looks like he's probably gotten OT (overtired) from too little day sleep and too long of a day.  When LOs are OT, they sleep more fitfully and often wake crying at night and have a hard time getting back to sleep.  Along with the SA he has, I think that's why you're getting so many NWs.  At this age, it's fine for him to have just that 30/45 min nap in the morning, but he still needs a decent afternoon nap to get him to bedtime.  This will also help you eventually transition to one nap.

A routine like this would be more appropriate:
Wake 6:30/7 am
Sleep 10:30 - 11:00 am
Sleep 1:30/2 - 3:30/4 pm
Bedtime 7/7:30 pm (I'd only go for 7:30 if he's had a 2 hr nap in the afternoon, otherwise, LOs generally work best on closer to a 12 hr day)

What do you think?  Would that work for you?

[:: ANA ::]

Dear Katie,
As I read your response I felt eager to try it right away.  I'm a bit ashamed to admit it NEVER crossed my mind that all this could be related to him being OT! 
Anyway, today things went on something like this:

Wake: 6.20
Eat: 7.30
Sleep: I put him down at 11 when we got back home from my work.  He resisted the nap.  I tried for 40min as advised in another post I read. He didn't sleep, in fact he cried more and more.  I took him out for 10 min and then tried again for another 15, until feed time.  He didn't sleep at all.
Eat: 12-12:15
Sleep: I put him down at 12:35, and HE WAS ASLEEP BY 12:38!!! I couldnīt believe my eyes.

**Now, here's the thing: He woke after 30 minutes (his usual nap time), but this time I knew better and I put him back down, and he was asleep in a second. W-O-W  .
He woke up again after another 45min and I thought he was ready for A, since he had already slept twice as much as he usually does.  MY MISTAKE!  I took him out of the crib but he kept whining, and resting his head on my chest so I finally caught the hint  and after 10min I put him back to sleep. And HE SLEPT, AGAIN!
In total, he took a 2hr 20min nap.  This had never happened before, ever!
I took a nap, read my book (I mean, for real!???), took a shower that lasted longer than 5min, and cooked lunch. I'm speechless.**

Eat: 4.00
Sleep: I put him down at 7.50, 10 min earlier than usual.  I think I'll try to hit the ideal bedtime you suggested gradually. He was asleep after 20min.

I know it's been just a day, but I'm super happy  and willing to hold on.

Now, I wonder:
- Should I wake him from a nap if it is feed time?
- I think I might focus on the naps and bedtime issues first, and when that's settled, work with the SA.   I'm afraid I won't be able to look at everything at the same time. What do you think?

Katie, I REALLY appreciate your help, time and advice.
Thanks so much

[katie80]

Yay for the great nap!  That's so nice, isn't it? How did the night go after that day?

I'm a bit ashamed to admit it NEVER crossed my mind that all this could be related to him being OT!

Don't be ashamed, hon, these babies can often confuse things for us!

So, I know that yesterday was a great day, and it's much nicer to be on one nap than two, but that was still a really long morning (and day) for this age and the nap was broken because of it.  The caution here is that he can still be stuck in OT because of those things.  I'd really try to still do the one long nap and one CN that I outlined in my previous post as often as you can and save the one nap days for when that just won't work.  The long nap can come either in the later morning with the CN in the later afternoon or the other way around. And when you do a one nap day, usually an early bedtime is needed.

- Should I wake him from a nap if it is feed time?

No, at this age feed times are flexible.  If you're doing a CN and long nap, you probably don't want the long nap to go over 2 hr (2 hr 15 min at the very most). If you're doing one nap, you can let him sleep up to three hrs until you get your day back on course, then you might need to cut down to 2.5.

- I think I might focus on the naps and bedtime issues first, and when that's settled, work with the SA.   I'm afraid I won't be able to look at everything at the same time. What do you think?

Yes, I think this is a really good plan.  There's not that much you can do to get rid of SA, really, just things to help your LO feel confident/trust that you're there for him and he'll come out of it in his own time.  Here are some links that might be helpful for that.  http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=212037.0

[:: ANA ::]

Yesterday he slept through the night!
I was thrilled to open my eyes at 6.30am and not before

However, today was waaaaaay different!
I'm totally trying to stick to the schedule/routine you proposed, so today I put him down for the 10:30 nap but he resisted it again.  We tried until his next feed and he didn't sleep.

So I tried again at 12:30 and around 1:00 he fell asleep, but only for 50min.  I tried to put him back down but he resisted again so after a while I took him out of the crib and he seemed happy.

Obviously by 4.30 he was exhausted, so I tried to put him down again at least for a CN, but he didnīt nap either.

So it was clear he was going to need an early bedtime and I put him down a little bit before 7:00 (so much for my "gradually getting to an earlier BT" plan!!! haha ).  Anyway, he was asleep by 7:15.
Let's see how the night goes from here.

I suppose there's something wrong about the way I'm trying to put him down for naps...
I mean, should I lay him down every time he stands up, even if he's not crying?
Or should I just let him "play"?
As far as I understand, I shouldn't use PU/PD if he's not crying, so...then what?
For how long should I try to make him sleep again after he's woken from a short nap?
Probably I'm not doing the right wind-down?

Any ideas? 

Thank you very much for all your help!
I feel tired but so much more relaxed and confident that things will eventually go better, all thanks to your support. 

[katie80]

Yesterday he slept through the night!
I was thrilled to open my eyes at 6.30am and not before

Awesome!  Isn't that such a great feeling?

So, he may be closer to one nap than I thought since he fought that 10:30 nap for you yesterday.  Maybe you could try something like this...

Wake 6:30 am
Nap 11/11:30 for up to 3 hr
BT 6:30/7 pm

If he only sleeps 1.5 hr or less, you could sneak in a CN in the afternoon by doing it in the stroller or car (up to 30 min, if needed) to get to a decent bedtime.  If he sleeps for 2-2.5 hr, I'd go for the 6:30 pm BT, if he sleeps longer, then 7 pm. Once he gets settled on one nap, you can start pushing it back a bit so that's it's more in the middle of the day/afternoon.

What do you think about that?

I suppose there's something wrong about the way I'm trying to put him down for naps...
I mean, should I lay him down every time he stands up, even if he's not crying?
Or should I just let him "play"?
As far as I understand, I shouldn't use PU/PD if he's not crying, so...then what?
For how long should I try to make him sleep again after he's woken from a short nap?
Probably I'm not doing the right wind-down?

I don't think you're probably doing anything wrong.  I think the first nap he was a bit UT, so fought it, and then by the time you tried in the afternoon, he was OT so fought it. Frustrating, huh? That's why I usually do that CN somewhere other than the crib, so they don't fight it as much. If he's not crying, yes PUPD won't work.  I would just leave him to it and go to him when he does his 'I need you' cry. Then, lay him down and leave if he stops crying or try to settle him if he's still at it.  After a short nap, I usually try to extend for 20 min or so.  If it seems like he's really trying to get back to sleep I might stay at it for longer, but usually you can tell if it's going to work by that point. What are you doing for a wind-down?  Every LO is different, but typically it's a diaper change, a song or a little rocking, and then into the crib.  You might read a book if he's interested, but I didn't start doing that til later with my DD. 

Hope that helps!

[:: ANA ::]

Thanks Katie, you're such an angel!

Well, so today we've been trying the one-nap thing since noon but the phone hasn't stopped ringing and the doorbell either so it's been almost two hours and the poor little thing hasn't slept more than 20min straight.
Anyway, he's asleep right now so let's hope this one lasts!

Yesterday he had a good 2.5hr nap in the afternoon and although I put him down for an early BT, he didn't sleep until 8.  He slept "perfectly" until 5.30am, when he woke...=/
Probably he was still OT from the terrible night he had the day before. (He only napped for 50min during the day).
The good thing is that he went back to sleep around 6, until 7.30!
And the great thing is that he did it pretty much by himself!

So, I suppose we're headed in the right direction, I hope!
I'll definitely follow your advice on sneaking a CN on the stroller whenever needed.  Now that I'm aware of the importance of him being well rested to go to bed (kind of a paradox =)), I won't neglect a nap ever again!!

You can't imagine how much you've helped me! I was going nuts!
Thanks again! =)

[katie80]

You're very welcome! Glad you've got a plan in place. You're not the only one to ever feel like she's going nuts about sleep. Let us know if you have more questions.

Oh, and I keep forgetting to tell you who adorable your little guy is. I love your avatar.