Sleep and EASY Support for spirited babies

[becj86]

She still isn't sleeping through at night but I generally only have to get up once a night to feed and given that she is breast fed I think that's fairly normal.

That's actually really really good for an EBF baby

I have managed to get her to nap for 1hr30 this morning by rushing in as I heard her stir to pat her back. Not great I know but seemed to work and at least she will have had a restorative nap and I got a break!

This is actually what I suggest with a spirited LO if they're OT. At this age, she's still learning to transition and its absolutely fine to help (to only have to pat her back at this stage is great!)

re: stimulation - things that helped us were: no TV during the day, only one complex toy (cause/effect type things) or two/three simple toys (stuff to grab at/chew on) ever at one time and definitely nothing that made electronic noises (rattle was ok, singing dancing toys were way OS). Going outside for a walk and chatting about what I saw was good. L loved tummy time (on tiles or a zigzag blanket - nothing on the floor in front of him or he'd cry, just wanted to get moving and was already up on all fours at 4 months. All this as well as keeping things low key for at least the last half hour of each A time and keeping our actual wind down ritual really short...
Taking a transition item from play to bed helped him with going to sleep too, just put him in bed with a toy from his last activity and he'd go to sleep on his own (he was a little older but he slept on me til 3.5 months and sleep trained in 3 days).

Sticking like glue to routine helped enormously too. Any chopping and changing just took ages to fix. We'd go swimming and if it interfered with a nap at all, there'd be 3-4 days of difficult sleep.

FWIW, 30-40min naps are often associated with overstimulation with spirited babies.

[Kiedis]

Im going to post this in the general forum, but wanted some advice from other moms of spirited babies...

Hi everyone! I'm new here, and new to EASY. My son is just shy of 9 months. Until the last couple months he was a great night sleeper, so I never worried about having a schedule. After a couple months of worsening night sleep, I'm now starting to look at implementing more of a routine.

He is definitely spirited!

I'm trying to get him to go down on his own so he can hopefully learn to go back to sleep when he wakes. He's always done this at bedtime, but was nursed for naps and when he woke during the night. He has been fighting this change like crazy, and he just screams. I sit beside the crib and try to comfort him, but haven't been picking him up.

After looking at some of the sample schedules on this site, I've started to look at increasing my sons awake time. He has often only been going roughly 2-2.5 hrs. However when extending them this past week, things have gotten much worse! his naps have become almost nonexistent and he may wake after only 15-20 mins. He's also been waking multiple times in the night, and he's up around 4-5am, still tired, but he fights going back down and when he does its for less than 30 mins.

Today I decided to heck with the schedule and just put him down when he was sleepy (about every 2 hours). I also nursed him to help him windows. He went down without a fight and had 2 2hr naps.

I don't know what to do. With the screaming when it's time to go down... I've noticed a change in him during the day. He is more agitated, clingy, up and down. He screams if he thinks you're trying to sit with him, for diaper changes... Both things that would happen before being put down for a nap.

I feel like I'm hurting our relationship and it seems like its not helping.

Is this just his personality making him more resistant to a change in routine?

[lily_layne]

I just discovered this thread and it's great to know that a lot of others are having similar experiences with their spirited LOs.  I feel so frustrated sometimes when it seems like everyone else's babies are so calm and adaptable so it really helps me to know that there are many others experiencing the same thing and the challenges are because of DDs temperament, not bad parenting.

Sticking like glue to routine helped enormously too. Any chopping and changing just took ages to fix.

I find this is true of my LO (not that our routine is perfect yet ).  DD and I don't go out (other than walks) more than once or twice a week because it wreaks havoc with her naps and nights.  I've found that a lot of people don't understand how important routine is for a spirited baby and I feel a lot of pressure to take her out more often.  I often feel judged for my choice to respect DDs need for routine by not dragging her around with me even if it means I get out less.  Anyone else ever feel the same?  Any tips for politely letting people know why we are choosy about what's worth going out for?

[becj86]

I've found that a lot of people don't understand how important routine is for a spirited baby and I feel a lot of pressure to take her out more often.  I often feel judged for my choice to respect DDs need for routine by not dragging her around with me even if it means I get out less.  Anyone else ever feel the same?

Yep. Its me that deals with the weeks of OT fallout - night terrors, frequent night wakings, screaming nap wakings, awful behaviour, etc. though so they have ZERO say any more.
Its not worth worrying about - DS needs something and an adult wants something. They are the adult, he is the child, they can understand that their want can wait and happen later, they can understand the nature of prioritising (and if not, what are they really doing in my life?). He cannot, he doesn't have a concept of time yet, he's a child so DS' needs come first.

Any tips for politely letting people know why we are choosy about what's worth going out for?

I just say we'll be able to be there at x time, when L has had a sleep and is more able to enjoy himself. If they get upset with that, I say he's a bit difficult and not very pleasant to be around when tired and he cannot sleep when overstimulated. If they don't like that, stiff.
This year we said we weren't travelling for the holidays but people were welcome to join us here (not a bad place, a lot of people pay a lot of money for hols in the Whitsundays). Everyone was all keen then when it came time to organise it, no-one came.

Maybe that's all a bit harsh and maybe it will lose me some family good will but hey, I'd rather have my sanity

[tweetie]

Hello ladies
I am also new here and my 7.5 month old is piece of work  . Lily & Bec I know what are you talking about... In my husband's family they think that I am well nicely said dragon (raw translation, I am not going to use bad word  ) and that I am making out but I do not care anymore. It is amazing how adult people are selfish... This is my first (and only) kid and I am surprised how people react i.e. one grandmother  . Our vacation was disaster (she was 3.5 months old) ...  I have one question - maybe I am brave or crazy enough but I am thinking to go overseas when DD will be 11 or 12 months old and stay at least one month - or maybe little longer - but then I am thinking to put her in daycare because I would do some work. Does it make sense to think about that? Or not even think about it? 

[becj86]

maybe I am brave or crazy enough but I am thinking to go overseas when DD will be 11 or 12 months old and stay at least one month - or maybe little longer - but then I am thinking to put her in daycare because I would do some work. Does it make sense to think about that? Or not even think about it?

If you go, plan on at least a week or two of mayhem while she settles in. Honestly if I was going overseas (though that'd be an exercise from Australia), I'd go for 2-3 months min at that age so as to enjoy at least part of it.

When L started daycare, he slept no more than 45min for the first 4 months, never 1.5hr til 5 months after he started - just too overstimulating

It is amazing how adult people are selfish... This is my first (and only) kid and I am surprised how people react i.e. one grandmother

Agreed!! You know my thoughts on that... When DS was about 14 months, I finally heard for the first time that I am a good mum and I do know DS well. They have come around. We had a great relationship before kids and it was a bit rocky for a while but its getting better as L gets older.

[lily_layne]

Tweetie, I'm pretty sure DH's family also thinks I'm a "dragon." They also are not good at adjusting their timetable around our LO.  Last week they showed up at 7 to visit her knowing that her bedtime is 7:30 and would not hand her over to me despite being told that she needed to get to bed.  Needless to say, BT did not go well. I've got no advice on travelling overseas with your LO since the farthest my babe has gone is an hour from home, but listen to your instincts - you know yourself and your baby best.

I thought maybe I was overreacting by thinking it took days for DD to get back on track from an adjustment.  Reading that others experience the same fallout makes me realize I'm not imagining it. 

Right now we are visiting my parents and it is not going well to say the least!  After a week of STTN she's back to NW, multiple resettlings after I put her to bed, and short naps.  The good part is that my mom respects how hard it is when DD is off routine and helps out a lot with her (even taking care of her so I can have a nap ). 

[tweetie]

If you go, plan on at least a week or two of mayhem while she settles in. Honestly if I was going overseas (though that'd be an exercise from Australia), I'd go for 2-3 months min at that age so as to enjoy at least part of it.
When L started daycare, he slept no more than 45min for the first 4 months, never 1.5hr til 5 months after he started - just too overstimulating

Thank you Bec. Travelling from Croatia to States is also exercise especially if you are heading to midwest . My DH could get max 1 month off (and we have a dog) so he would go back and I am still not sure do I have strength to stay with her additional 2 months (my DH would be stressed out with the third month , because of his DD not me . In addition we are talking about the daycare with foreign language ... I started to teach her sign language...

Agreed!! You know my thoughts on that... When DS was about 14 months, I finally heard for the first time that I am a good mum and I do know DS well. They have come around. We had a great relationship before kids and it was a bit rocky for a while but its getting better as L gets older.

I will never heard these words  . We had great relationship before we got the dog, God they started to interfere that I could not believe it  ... Things escalated just before I knew I was pregnant and then peaked during my pregnancy (you could just imagine what happened when they found out - actually my MIL) that their (HER) grand kid was on the way... and we do not live with them...  ok this is not confession topic

Tweetie, I'm pretty sure DH's family also thinks I'm a "dragon." They also are not good at adjusting their timetable around our LO.  Last week they showed up at 7 to visit her knowing that her bedtime is 7:30 and would not hand her over to me despite being told that she needed to get to bed.  Needless to say, BT did not go well. I've got no advice on travelling overseas with your LO since the farthest my babe has gone is an hour from home, but listen to your instincts - you know yourself and your baby best.

I thought maybe I was overreacting by thinking it took days for DD to get back on track from an adjustment.  Reading that others experience the same fallout makes me realize I'm not imagining it. 

Right now we are visiting my parents and it is not going well to say the least!  After a week of STTN she's back to NW, multiple resettlings after I put her to bed, and short naps.  The good part is that my mom respects how hard it is when DD is off routine and helps out a lot with her (even taking care of her so I can have a nap ). 

Because some issues in the past (read above)  I do not have problems that DH's parents would just appear (that would be their style) but I know what are you talking about. We do not accept visits in the afternoon A time (we did and end up with screaming and freaking out nights, after which we had 2-3 days of AP - Baby Bjorn and hours and hours of walking outside - I was dead after waking from the night ). We said that visit time is usual between 12 - 3 pm, but need to be checked the same day depending on DD sleeping  .
When my DD was 3 months old we went regularly to my parents'  weekend house and she slept great there and enjoyed (half an hour drive)... I do not know how that would look like now.

At this time point except NW, resettling  I am dealing with two things:
- she does not want to be in the car seat anymore (not even 10 or 15 min) - it is disaster (she loved it in the past)
-another thing - when I go out with her (Baby Bjorn or stroller) she fall a sleep very fast - it is good when she needs it but now I would like to go out between naps so she gets some fresh air.  Lately we do not go outside very often or go when she needs to sleep..

[becj86]

you could just imagine what happened when they found out - actually my MIL) that their (HER) grand kid was on the way...

Yeah, I got told I really must look after myself while PG because I was carrying her grandchild I did point out he was my child and I was fairly concerned for his wellbeing

she does not want to be in the car seat anymore (not even 10 or 15 min) - it is disaster (she loved it in the past)

Car seat went on phases for us, usually when L didn't like it, it was because it was uncomfortable - too hot with all the comfy but unnecessary padding or the shoulder straps needed moving up to the next level because he'd grown...

-another thing - when I go out with her (Baby Bjorn or stroller) she fall a sleep very fast - it is good when she needs it but now I would like to go out between naps so she gets some fresh air. 

Could you try going out straight after a milk feed and take a snack with you for solids? a picnic...

[tweetie]

Yeah, I got told I really must look after myself while PG because I was carrying her grandchild I did point out he was my child and I was fairly concerned for his wellbeing

  I really do not understand what is wrong with these women ...

Could you try going out straight after a milk feed and take a snack with you for solids? a picnic...

I tried that but she fell a sleep after 45 minutes... maybe I will go out just for an half an hour

[becj86]

Do you just keep her in the pram? Can you just do a short walk somewhere and then let her explore?

[Lindsay27]

Just need a moment to rest here ladies.

Today was just one of those days that was just 100% spirit 100% of the day.  I just put DS to bed and literally flopped on the couch utterly exhausted.  I spent the entire day running after him, listening to him yell, trying to stop him from destroying everything, and just handling the spirited little creature he is.

Now that he crawls there is zero downtime in the day.  He cannot sit still. Ever.  Changing his diaper and getting him dressed is a complete nightmare, he is thrashing around, screaming, fighting me...which obviously happens multiple times a day with diaper changes. 

I long for the days when he would sit in my lap and I could read him a book, or play with a toy. I need to find ways to have him have some quiet time during the day, some time where he can relax a little and not be so intense, but I don't know how because he can't sit still.  At least when there wasn't 5ft of snow on the ground we could go for a walk.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, it was just a tiring day that's all.  I am nervous for the 2 - 1 nap transition in the next little while.  Thanks for this support board and letting me put my head down.  Tomorrow is another day.

[becj86]

Hugs xx Those days are tough! Have you a local library or something where he can go for an explore?

I long for the days when he would sit in my lap and I could read him a book, or play with a toy.

They'll come again - just not for a while if DS is anything to go by

I need to find ways to have him have some quiet time during the day, some time where he can relax a little and not be so intense

A big tight hug from you will help him let some of the pent-up energy go (we added it to our WD).

[tweetie]

Do you just keep her in the pram? Can you just do a short walk somewhere and then let her explore?

There is no way she would be in the pram anymore, I put her in the sit even though she is still not sitting (there are three positions so I put her on the 2nd IYKWIM). Sorry this is my first kid and since she is not sitting or crawling yet I am not sure what did you mean when you said explore? 

[roimata9]

Oh my, 5 feet of snow with a newly crawling spirited LO! Are you totally housebound with that much snow? We don't get snow here, so I'm not sure what it means for you. Can you go for drives?

I remember when DS started crawling, it was crazy! It does get better quickly though - as they get used to it they calm down a bit and it starts to wear them out, although do spiriteds ever get worn out???

Have you child proofed your house? I'd do that first, so that he can't destroy anything. As soon as DS started crawling, we moved everything up high and bought those cabinet locks so DS couldn't get into cupboards etc. That made a huge difference because I could leave him in a room and know he wouldn't trash it.

My other sanity savers were finger foods - he would sit in the high chair for ages if he had things to stuff in his mouth - and really long baths. He loved the bath, and it was a more low key thing for me to do with him.

Big hugs to you - it's a tough time!