am totally over these dinnertime antics

[Avery3]

its been 8 months since weve had proper dinners regularly with this boy. all afternoon long he tells me hes hungry, nags me to the point I nearly explode sometimes. Come dinnertime... he doesnt eat anything.

Ive tried many things, Ive tried cutting out all snacks, offering earlier dinners, later dinners, nothing seems to work, he just wants a muesli bar or biscuits. I dont give in. it doesnt make any difference. Ive tried to patient thinking it will just be a phase that will pass but its been roughly 8 months.
My family all comment on what a shocking eater he is... I just tell them if thats the worse thing about his behaviour then Im happy with that, however it drives me insane on a daily basis.

he goes to bed without dinner almost every single night. tonight was the same and I told him theres nothing else if he doesnt eat his dinner, he got down from the table and went straight to the pantry. I promptly locked it and he cried saying he wanted a biscuit... I feel like Im smacking my head against a brick wall..

any help would be appreciated

[Rizo]

Wow, I really feel for you, what a hard situation.

You have probably already tried these things, but I'll post them anyway. Eating all together as a family, offering finger food and bowl food, special plate and cup?

Oh also what is his eating like in the daytime? Could you do a larger (dinner-like) lunch, something like MAc Cheese, and then just a sandwich or yoghurt at dinner time? Maybe he prefers to have a bigger meal earlier in the day like they used to in our grandparents era???

[Avery3]

well we eat together every night as a family, Ive offered all kinds of food, he chooses his own plate and cup etc. His eating is fine during the day, he has a large breakfast, nags me for food till lunchtime (I do give him morning snack etc) he will eat a reasonable lunch and then nag me for the rest of the day for more food telling me hes hungry, sometimes even crying about it but if I offer him an actual meal he will refuse it. If i offer him snacks (fruit/crackers etc) its not enough, he just keeps asking for more and more and more food.

the other annoying thing is that he wakes up early in teh morning because HES HUNGRY!!!!! grrr!! annoys me to no end! first thing when he gets up is "Im hungry, want toast, want oats"

[Rizo]

[quote author=Avery3 link=topic=232892.msg2533492#msg2533492 date=1340609551
the other annoying thing is that he wakes up early in teh morning because HES HUNGRY!!!!! grrr!! annoys me to no end! first thing when he gets up is "Im hungry, want toast, want oats"
[/quote]
Yes I can imagine this would be SUPER annoying...

So it is just 'dinner time food' that he refuses? Would he refuse the same time of food if it was offered at a different time of the day? Like if it was Lasagne at lunchtime would he eat it then? But if it was at dinner he would refuse it?

Could you increase his lunchtime portion and then offer an afternoon snack as well, and then another 'snack' at dinner time maybe with a drink of milk? It does sound like he is getting enough food, but would be better for you all if he was full at night to get a good settled sleep til morning

[Avery3]

I can try that, but wont it be sending him the wrong messages? like we all have a dinner meal and he gets a snack or sandwhich or whatever.. so hes getting a different meal to us. it doesnt seem right somehow, wont he learn that he can get whatever he wants at dinnertime while we all eat a meal? I know at extended family dinners that wont go down well, especially when there are other kids his age and they are all haveing to eat the same meal as the adults and being told off for not doing so

[Rizo]

I can try that, but wont it be sending him the wrong messages? like we all have a dinner meal and he gets a snack or sandwhich or whatever.. so hes getting a different meal to us. it doesnt seem right somehow, wont he learn that he can get whatever he wants at dinnertime while we all eat a meal? I know at extended family dinners that wont go down well, especially when there are other kids his age and they are all haveing to eat the same meal as the adults and being told off for not doing so

Hmmmm.... hadn't thought of that! Good point

So even if he doesn't eat anything since lunchtime he still won't eat anything at dinner? No matter what type of dinner food it is? But if it is a snack food, he will happily eat it?
So it is the dinner food and dinner time that he won't eat  but at any other time he would happily eat it? Sorry for all the questions

[Avery3]

So even if he doesn't eat anything since lunchtime he still won't eat anything at dinner? No matter what type of dinner food it is? But if it is a snack food, he will happily eat it?

unless its his fave food, sausages or a particular pasta then he wont eat anything other at dinnertime, he always asks for toast or biscuit or muesli bar

[Rizo]

Wow, thats a really tricky one

When you dish up his dinner is a big portion? And maybe he feels like he can't finish it? Would it help to serve a small (like tiny) couple of spoons of dinner onto his plate? Then maybe he might think, oh thats just a wee snack, and he may ask for some more like he does if you give him a biscuit. What I'm wondering is whether he feels too overwhelmed by the larger amount, but when he has say 1 biscuit he can see himself finishing it and it is achievable, iyywim?

Other than that I am racking my brains trying to come up with other ideas....

[Avery3]

good thinking Rizo. I dont usually serve a huge meal but sometimes I do as well ya know what i mean? I will try a really small plate tonight and see if that works, will let you know how it goes

[Katet]

My Ds2 didn't eat Dinner for about 3 years, he has always eaten a big breakfast & Lunch, but after that he really wouldn't eat much - unless of course it was junk LOL.

He is 7yo now & still Dinner isn't a good meal, he knows the rules that he needs to have eaten 4 things from his plate to get more of a prefered food/dessert/other food & will still go to bed with no dinner at least 1/week.

He wakes up early whether he is hungry or not, as on a Weekend he can happily wait for food until 10am... so yes your DS may wake up saying he is hungry, but unless he is under 1yo... it is the food in a 24hour period that matters not the single meal before dinner, so the getting up early & eating early sets a habit rather than actually being hungry. We have a rule in our house... no food before 7am so even though DS2 is often up & reading his book at 6am, he can't go in the kitchen & make a bowl of cereal (he can do it himself) before 7am.  He almost definitely gets up & says I'm hungry because it is habit not so much he actually is so starving that he needs to eat that moment... if you define the times you are prepared to serve meals & offer the food at those meals then he will learn to adjust... still doesn't mean he won't wake up early & will eat dinner, but you can know that he is getting enough food. KWIM,

[Rizo]

I dont usually serve a huge meal but sometimes I do as well ya know what i mean? I will try a really small plate tonight and see if that works, will let you know how it goes

Great, look forward to hearing what happens.

Some good thoughts from Katet too.

[Avery3]

served a tiny meal... didnt eat a bit of it, he even asked for carrots, so I put them on his plate and still nothing. he went to bed with no dinner again.....

[Katet]

served a tiny meal... didnt eat a bit of it, he even asked for carrots, so I put them on his plate and still nothing. he went to bed with no dinner again.....

Set a time in the morning & even if he wakes early asking for food, tell him "no Breakfast is at X, you wouldn't be so hungry if you ate your Dinner, you can now wait until X for your breakfast - even set a timer.

[Avery3]

I have done that Kate, he cant have his breakfast until Levi has had his bottle and he has his bottle at 7am, but still he nags me that hes hungry. Ive said he can set up his breakfast (it helps me out and gives him something to do while he is waiting) but hes not allowed it until Levi has finished his bottle. I tell him that if he hadve eaten his dinner the night before he wouldnt be so hungry.

even after dinner tonight he asked for a muesli bar, I told him no, if he was hungry he could have his dinner, nope, didnt want his dinner. I thought that after 8 months of me doing this exact same thing that it would sink in that he wasnt having anything else and he would eat but no

[Rizo]

served a tiny meal... didnt eat a bit of it, he even asked for carrots, so I put them on his plate and still nothing. he went to bed with no dinner again.....

Oh no! Good that he asked for carrots though, perhaps the smaller meal is the key though. Maybe try it for a few days and see if there is any improvement? I think it would take more than 1 night for him to suddenly change his habits.

What about having a big plate in the middle of the table and giving him an empty small plate and then serve a couple of things off the big plate to his. Like just 1 carrot and 1 piece of pasta. Then see if he eats that, and if he does offer 1 more little bit of pasta or meat etc.