My DS is almost 10 months and dealing with Separation Anxiety, which is getting worse. I've wanted to use the WI/WO method, but am confused about how to do it if he won't even calm down for quite a long time while I'm holding him. Once he does, if I even start to lower him into the crib, the crying starts all over again. If I can't even get him to calm down in order to "walk out," what should I do? The only way he'll go down at this point is if I wait until just after he falls asleep, and by then my back is killing me from holding him and I feel like I've failed since I'm pretty much holding him to sleep. My husband and I have worked so hard at the BW methods and when SA hit, it seems it all flew out the window and now I feel helpless.
My only encouragement has been reading several other posts about others who have dealt with the same thing. I was starting to feel like such a failure....I've tried SO hard not to use CIO, but have come close. I've left him to cry several times in the last few days for 5 or so min (feels like forever), hoping it's a mantra cry, but feeling horrible the whole time if it's not. Feels like a lose/ lose situation - if I leave him, I'm sure it has negative effects, and if I stay it has negative effects, which I've been working SO hard to avoid. I am so worn out and confused, physically AND emotionally. I'm starting to dread any bedtime. We just walk in the room and the crying begins.
I should add that before about 9 months he went to sleep quite well. We had wind down, cuddled a bit, put him in crib, would stay a little while until he was relaxed, walked out and he'd finish going to sleep on his own. He used to use a pacifier and just when we were talking about helping him to move on from it, he started to refuse it on his own. He used to use a lovey, but now often rejects that as well. Now he just wants me, but if my husband puts him down he does better.
His routine has worked out ok, but I'm often questioning how much sleep he's getting, but every time I try something new, it doesn't seem to help. We've tried a few times to move his bedtime to earlier, but he always ends up waking up earlier. So I've concluded, with doubt, that he just doesn't need as much sleep. I've also wanted to drop the night feeds but he seems to insist on a dream feed, and with the recent challenges I'll often also feed him early in the morning simply hoping for more sleep. All of these things make me feel so defeated.
His EASY-
Up most often around 6:40, but lately sometimes earlier (used to wake up happy but since SA, always mantra cries til I come in)
E- BF-7
Solids -8
A- 7-10
S- 10-11 (this varies day to day depending on how long it takes to get him to sleep as well as how often he woke the night before. Sometimes 45 min to an hour and a half)
E- BF-11 (SEEMS he doesn't eat much...not sure if not hungry or if I'm not making enough)
Solids -12:30/1
A- 11-2
S- 1:45/2:30-3:00/4:00 (time and amount also varies from day to day depending on first nap and my husband's schedule- Between a.m. and p.m nap he usually gets around 2-2.5 hours a day.)
E- Bottle- 3:30/4
-Solids- 5:30 -he's with my husband
A-3:30/4-8ish.
E- BF/bottle when I get home if he's asking for it and if not, right before bed.
S- Tried 7:30 but always ends up waking up super early the next morning...so we've pretty much pushed the bedtime to 8 and sometimes later. He almost always wakes up around 11 or so and pu/pd wouldn't work so I ended up continuing to BF at that time. I've never produced enough milk at his before bed feed, so always have to give some formula, which is another huge discouragement to me. Now it seems I don't pump enough either when I'm at work in afternoon so he's getting half breast milk and half formula. This is another reason I haven't tried SUPER hard to quit the dream feed, hoping to help my production. Now, with super early morning wakings where he will NOT go back to sleep with normal help, I've given in and fed him then as well. He doesn't seem to be snacking but seems hungry, so then I start doubting if he's getting enough food during the day as well. SO many issues....this brings up his digestions issues and all the foods he can't eat, which makes me wonder if he's eating healthy. He's dealt with constipation almost his whole life, which adds to my uncertainty about why he's crying at night- is he tired, SA, in pain? SO frustrating and takes my confidence away for what to do to help...comfort, pu/pd, leave to cry, feed, etc?.
Anyway, I know that when I have confidence about what I'm doing, even if he's crying on and on, I can handle it better since I feel like I know what I'm doing. My confidence lately is shot, and it doesn't take much to feel like crying along with him. I often just feel frozen and not sure what to do since it seems I've tried everything. What bothers me most is when I feel like yelling at him to stop crying. I've had to put him down and step away just to regather my emotions. So if anyone can help I'd be grateful. I've read several posts about all different things, but something specific to this would be great. Even affirmation or encouragement. Thanks so much.
