Help... Thinking about giving up

[MakingMischief]

Colin is 19 weeks now, and breastfeeding has gotten (even more) challenging. I've been mixed feeding since birth -- for the past few months he's been in daycare during the week, so he got pumped milk and formula in a bottle, but I breastfed him in the morning and evenings when I was home with him.

I recently left my job to work from home (I'm a journalist), and thought it would give me a chance to breastfeed exclusively during the day, with him only getting the occasional bottle if I was out of the house on an assignment or if I needed some extra sleep.

Well, the little guy never got that memo. He's been very difficult to nurse. Sometimes I think it may be distractability, but other times I don't know what it is. He'll latch, drink for maybe a minute, then start pulling off and on. Sometimes he just whips his head around to look around him, but other times he'll just pull off and start crying. I get that his looking around is just curiosity, but what about the crying? I try not to take it personally but it really hurts when he acts like I'm torturing him by making him breastfeed.

Our EASY has been a mess because of it, since he won't take a full feed at a time anymore. I'm lucky if I can get him to stay on for a total of 5 minutes, both breasts, before he starts refusing to nurse at all. I've started more of an EAEAS routine so he gets two feedings in each 90-minute period awake, but I still don't think he's getting much milk. He's been fussier than usual, so I've started letting him have an occasional 2-oz bottle to top him off, which seems to make him much happier. But that was the opposite of what I was hoping to accomplish! I know the risks of the "topper-offer" on milk supply, but I don't want to be starving him until he starts nursing well again.

Usually, I can get an idea of how much breastmilk he's getting based on his stools, and looking at them recently he definitely seems to be getting a majority of his nutrition from formula

We use The First Years Breastflow bottles (http://www.thefirstyears.com/wps/portal/breastflow/), which are meant to prevent nipple confusion, and even when he was in daycare and getting bottles most of the day, he wasn't this bad about nursing. I'm trying to up my supply with fenugreek and domperidone so that he gets more when he breastfeeds, but that's moot unless I can also get him to nurse. I've tried pumping in between feeds but since I am working from home, I don't really have the time to feed him 12 times a day PLUS pumping.

How can I get past this? I'm starting to consider giving up -- my husband and my mom (who we're living with now) keep suggesting we just switch to formula, and they're starting to wear me down. I feel like maybe I'm just being stubborn, but it would crush me to give up. I feel like I'm failing him as it is :'( I suppose I could pump, but ugh, I HATE the pump and don't get much milk when I do (2 ounces when I'm pumping in place of a feed, half an ounce in between feeds). Plus, again, I don't think I would have the time for pumping, washing the pump parts, and then bottle-feeding for each feed.

Please help!

[Fiver]

*hugs*  Sounds like you're having a really rough time there.  FWIW, I don't think any bottle will prevent nipple confusion, just, perhaps, make it slightly less likely to happen, but each child is different.

How recently did you start working from home and trying to add back the BFs?  It could be that your body is still adjusting to his additional daytime feeding needs and that this is just a hump, but him bobbing off probably won't be helping you.

Have you tried some http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=88759.0 to keep him interested between letdowns?

[MakingMischief]

I have been home about a month now, and it's only gotten worse. I try breast compression,  different feeding positions, sitting up, semi reclined, no change.

[Erin M]

Does he feed better at any time of the day?

[MakingMischief]

At night, when he's sleepy, he'll feed well. And sometimes in the morning -- Since I have more milk at that time, I think the flow is fast enough that it demands his full attention. But during the day he's all over the place.

[Fiver]

I'd definitely make a concerted effort with the compressions.  Not only will they keep him a bit more interested, they're also meant to help with letdown.

[Erin M]

I know you said your EASY is all over the place but I'd try to catch him while he's sleepy, like at the tail end of a nap, or feed in a darkened room -- it sounds a lot like the distractible stage of nursing -- maybe something like a nursing necklace to keep his attention? 

[MakingMischief]

I'll try the nursing necklace. In the meantime, do I just keep offering him the breast and hoping he will eventually get hungry enough to eat?

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have my mom hovering over me asking "are you sure he got enough?" and "Is he hungry?" every time he so much as fusses. But... that's another rant.

[Fiver]

Keep offering, yes.  I'm sure he'll come good

And to mum

[*happy*]

i went through something similar with regards to the crankiness during feeding.i couldnt figure out what was wrong with her.she would cry every time i lay her down to nurse & be fine once i sat her back up again.i cant remember exactly when (she's 6mo now) but it was def in the first couple of months...i knwo it might not be much consolation but it kind of just righted itself!it seemed like it was just a phase that she was goign through & had to work through herself.hugs.x

[MakingMischief]

Well today I was sick with a stomach bug, so my family gave him formula most of the day so i could rest. It was the happiest he has ever been, at least in the past few weeks. He was smiley, playful and happy all day. My mom really laid into me about how much happier he is when given bottles, and I have to face the fact that she's right. I tried to nurse him tonight and he screamed the whole time. I don't know what I''ve done to make him dislike me so much, I keep clinging to the breastfeeding as a way to establish that bond that he seems to have with everyone else but just does't have with me. I think I'm just going  to feed formula. I''ve failed. That's all there is to it.

[Erin M]

((((hugs))))) sweetheart, you haven't failed at all.  You are working so hard to do what is best for him, I'm so sorry your family hasn't been more supportive. 
What's right is what's best for all of you and if it's formula, than so be it.

[*Kara*]

I think I'm just going  to feed formula. I''ve failed. That's all there is to it.

Huge hugs hun.  You have not failed at all... I too gave up BFing... but I only lasted 10 days!  You have made it through a few months, with working on top of it all.  Great job momma!

There is nothing bad about using formula... and it doesn't make you less of a mom, nor does it mean that your bond is damaged or inferior to that of any mom out there.  I grieved for a long time after I wasn't able to get DD to BF, but in the end, she was happier and that made me happier.  Everyone happy is the best outcome regardless of how you got there.

[~Lori~]

(((HUGE HUGS)))) to y ou!!  You have not failed!  And i am so sorry you don't have the support around you to encourage you when you need it.

It may be that he can "Get it faster" from the bottles...I know that when I just pumped and gave my LO EBM for 3 days instead of nursing him, he did eat so much better. (I have Overactive letdown and nearly every feed is a mad challenge). 

If you truly feel you are done with BFing, then be done.  But if you want to keep trying, maybe in the night times when he is more relaxed then do that.   But don't let it be people telling you to be done with it that makes you decide.

I almost quit BFing a month ago...we've just been having SO many challenges with it, with possible food intolerances, with my overactive letdown, with having a Touchy baby.  It was a very emotional time for me.  I did stick with it, but I am not sure how long i will do it...I nursed my other 2 babies to 13 and 15 mths so I was expecting the same experience, but not sure I will have that.

You have done a great job to do it this far!

[amayzie]

Oh honey!! You have in NO WAY FAILED!! 19weeks of BM is GREAT!!! What a gift you have given him!! It's not fair that your family was heaping the pressure on- not helpful at all! You;ll be able to nurture your little guy JUST as well using formula and bottles as breastfeeding- I would suggest that in some ways when you have the pressure of worrying about supply and your parent's attitude off your shoulders and move to formula that you'll be free-er to enjoy your little guy and providing nourishment and closeness that only a mummy can!

ut if you want to keep trying, maybe in the night times when he is more relaxed then do that.

And perhaps when your mum isn't hovering over your shoulder!! I know that my guy has always fed better at night- especially at 19 weeks- they can be really distracted and grumpy at this age. Sometimes too (i'm sure you're sick of hearing this one- just swear at me- it might make you feel better!) they pick up your anxiety and that may be affecting his willingness to feed- my guy is like this- you might find that you can keep one or 2 feeds just for 'fun' once you aren't stressed about the amounts any more? He may come back to it?

Again- you need to decide what is right for your family- and ignore people with extreme views And i sooo get you there with the mother rant I'm sure she means well, and LOVES your little guy to bits- but GEE!! They can be frustrating sometimes!!! (BTW- I had a rant on the relationships page about my mum the other day- and it REALLY made me feel better!! May be worth a go!)