Struggling with picky 2yr old.

[clairebear79]

Hi.  I posted a few months back about some long term difficulties we've been having with DS's lunchtime & evening meals.  We are still struggling.  If you want to read through the history here's my last thread:

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=231657.0

To recap, for a long time he has eaten reasonably well at nursery (1 day/week), eating proper cooked dinners (meat/potatoes/veg).  He is now eating well at MIL's - this is a fairly recent thing, since we asked her to alter her approach so it was consistent with ours.  Yet at home he is still refusing

At lunch - he will happily eat toast or a sandwich, but only if its jam or cheese.  He point blank refuses any other sandwich fillings & refuses other lunches like eggs or tinned spaghetti or beans.  I'd love to increase variety here but am stuck for ideas because of the continuous/consistent refusal.

Evening meal - is the biggest struggle.  He simply refuses to eat what I give him, unless it is one of the following foods:

bread, sausages, meatballs, chicken nuggets, fishfingers, pizza

that really is pretty much it.  Absolutely ZERO veggies since he was 1yr old.  Refuses pasta, rice, potatoes, cous cous, egg.  Refuses meat of any other variety than listed above.  And completely refuses sauces of any kind.  If any food so much as touches a sauce he refuses it.  Yet he ate savoury mince in gravy at grandma's house just the other day so this issue seems to be entirely restricted to home.

In the last 3 months we've made what I felt were some positive changes.  We stopped trying to cajole him into eating.  We stopped discussing his eating at the table.  We started offering meals with more choices & started to include a small amount of a food we know he likes, along with other foods that he had typically been refusing.  We'd been having an issue with him refusing his meal then asking for dessert instead, so we started to tell him he CAN have it, if he ate some of his tea.  We had no expectation for him to eat it all, but just to at least try. If he chose not to, we would take the plate away & he would have no more food until the next mealtime. 

When we first tried this approach, after a few days of tantrums he did start to try his meals & I felt like we were progressing, but we've hit standstill & seem to be regressing.  He will eat only the serving of food he likes & absolutely nothing else.  He asks for more of that food (but its all gone) so we tell him he ate it all & that he can eat some of the other items on his plate.  He point blank refuses & hands me his plate.  If he asks for dessert, we do as I said above, but it is no longer getting the result we had at the start.  Most days he gets down from the table without trying/eating anything & then has a big drink of juice (which I expect then fills him up).   

He has only gained 1lb in weight in the last year & he has dropped from the 91st centile at 1YO to between 25-50th at 2YO.  He's 25lb & still wearing 12-18 month clothes.  His peers all seem to be growing a lot bigger than him (even the girls) & I am starting to worry.  I've been to see my health visitor & she didn't really have much advice, only to keep doing what we're doing, but we don't seem to be getting any improvement.  The range of foods he will eat has not grown at all & if anything its becoming even more limited.   
 
Can anyone offer some suggestions as to where we are going wrong? Or any advice as to how to tackle this?

[Hedgehog17]

Following along...

DS at nearly 2 is still in 18-24mo tops and has just moved into 18-24mo trousers. He doesn't fill the width of any of his tops - he needs them for the body length - and his little short legs need his trousers turning up at the bottoms 

I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt for the last 3 weeks, as he's been cutting his final 2nd year molar (phew!), so have let him away with eating mostly stage 2 pouches of baby mush. Aside from that he'll eat scrambled eggs, stage 1 fruit / veg pouches, goat's yoghurt, biscuits, cakes and occasionally oaty bars.

He won't eat anything lumpy in sauce, can't be bothered to chew anything that needs it for more than a few mouthfuls (so he won't even eat what your O is having for his tea!). He won't eat bread anymore 

If we let him, he fills his stomach with water and then won't eat any food  He prefers to throw his food around and then beg from our plates.

Now that d*mn tooth is through, I'm letting him get down if he refuses to eat what he's given, so I'll see if he actually manages to be hungry and if this will motivate him to eat.. but I doubt it.

In place of proper nutrition he gets 16oz of milk (HAF) per day (at times well away from mealtimes) and a dose of vitamin liquid every morning, which will keep him vaguely healthy, but probably isn't enough for the growth he needs to be doing  His activity level is low compared with his peers. He'll do a bit of running around, then he just flops - all because he won't eat enough. But you can't explain that to a 2 yo 

I think a lot of the fussiness is power struggles, and up until now we've been bringing out alternatives until he decided to eat something, but this game has to stop. He's on a restricted diet anyway because of MPI, so that doesn't help. I also heard that reflux babies tend to be fussier as toddlers - great 

In terms of 'is he eating enough?', we get plenty of wet nappies and he poops about 2x per day, and he is growing albeit more slowly than most. He's between the 25th and the 50th for weight & height and has been for a long time!

I'd be concerned that O has dropped so much on the chart and am surprised that the HV didn't refer you on. Can you take him to the GP and ask for a referral to the paediatric dietician?

*Hugs* 

[clairebear79]

(((hugs))) HH - that sounds tough.  I probably shouldn't complain should I?!  You know hun, with your DS I bet its tempting to keep up the milk so he gets something, but maybe that is what fills him up & kills his appetite?  O has ZERO milk to drink anymore.  When we transitioned his final BT bottle to a sippy about 2 months ago, he completely refused it.  So he has maybe 1-2oz on his cereal & thats it.  16oz is quite a lot for a 2yo to still drink, yk?  I think IIWM I'd cut this right back, & you may well find he soon starts to eat more.  I'd also be tempted to quit the puree food & give him whole pieces of food eg a roast potato or a fishfinger that he can pick up & eat, rather than going down the lumpy food route.  O never really got on with lumps either, but he will happily pick up a big piece (of one of his limited selection of foods) to eat.

O started teething his 2yr molars just after Christmas & still absolutely no sign of them.  Maybe they'll be cut by next Christmas!

I think a lot of the fussiness is power struggles, and up until now we've been bringing out alternatives until he decided to eat something, but this game has to stop

We did this when O was quite a bit younger & I definitely saw a marked improvement once we stopped.  Its really hard to see them go hungry, especially when they are crying at you for food, but at this age, I agree its more of a power struggle.  At the end of the day, if we offer them a tasty & balanced meal & they choose not to eat it that's their choice & they need to learn the consequences of refusing.  I don't think its cruel.  I mean, look at children in third world countries.  They don't have the luxury of choice, they have to eat what food there is or they will go hungry. 

What bugs me most in our situation is that we can't seem to expand upon the list of foods he will eat at home.  And the fact that its only at home where he seems to have the issue.  He will eat other foods at nursery and at MIL's.  I would do anything to sit down with him & have him eat a spag bol or lasagne, or meatballs in tomato sauce with rice or a roast dinner. 

He's on a restricted diet anyway because of MPI, so that doesn't help. I also heard that reflux babies tend to be fussier as toddlers - great 

We're also restricted due to MPI, though he can actually tolerate small amounts of cheese these days with the only ill effect being small patches of eczema on his arms.  It certainly makes it much harder to come up with meal ideas.  Hopefully somone can inspire us!

This morning DS has eaten like a horse - making up for last nights skipped tea.  He's eaten a bowl of cereal followed by a brioche, half an apple, 2 rich tea biscuits and a small banana for a snack, then jam sandwiches and another banana for lunch.  My bet is he'll skip tea again.  Perhaps I am allowing him to fill up too much in the morning thus perpetuating the issue

[TB9]

Hi Ladies!
I'm finding it helps if I let DD help me prepare dinner (at least the parts that she can help with).  I give her a little toddler sized knife and some of the veggie that I'm preparing so that she can cut some too.  I let her help me measure ingredients, like when I make salad dressing or sauce of some sort.  Then when it comes to dinner time I can say "this is the salad/broccoli/green beans that you helped make".  I also let her munch/taste whatever she wants during prep, and I think it helps because if she wants to try some she can try some and it isn't as high stress as sitting at the dinner table trying something new with mom and dad watching to see if she likes it

We also take her to the market and grocery store with us, so she's seeing all kinds of fruits and veggies and helping us pick them out.  It definitely makes her excited to eat them, we usually have to give her a tomato or an apple that we've bought to snack on while wandering the stalls at the market...and then she eats more of what we bought when we get home.

Gotta go, toddler poking about my laptop   I have some more ideas for you but it's snack time!  Will be back tonight when I have more time.

[TB9]

I'm back with more thoughts

I also give choice for lunch and snacks, and I'm VERY flexible with what she picks for snack time...like today, the fridge was open right at snack time and she decided that she wanted olives, so she had olives for her snack.  Lunch choice usually comes down to something like what kind of soup she wants, I'll give her a choice between two cans of soup and she picks the one she wants.

I wouldn't be too worried about the sandwich issue, DD doesn't really eat sandwiches properly either, she will take the bread apart and eat the meat or salmon or cheese that's inside and leave the rest...I think sandwiches are maybe more of an acquired thing for some toddlers

DD used to hate bread, now I toast pretty much all her bread for breakfast or lunch (breakfast she usually gets cinnamon toast and lunch is toasted sandwich with meat cheese or tomato) and put margarine/butter on so it isn't too dry for her to eat.

Have you tried re-offering leftovers for lunch a day or two after you offer him something new for dinner?  If there's leftover food from dinner DD and I will eat it for lunch the next day (or I'll push it to two days after so she doesn't get bored with the food).  I'm thinking at least that will give him another chance to try something new, and maybe he'll be more willing to try something new at a different time of day.

I think it's definitely worrying that he's dropped so much on the percentile scale, but I think it may help to keep in mind that even good eaters have meals that go bad and some meals are always better than others.  For example, DD never eats a great breakfast and even though she's a good eater she just doesn't like mexican food (like tacos, fajitas, etc but I still make it every once and awhile hoping she'll catch on, lol). 

Last thought, can you get a referral to a nutritionist and see if they can suggest some foods that will help get his growth back on track?  Then you can focus on introducing those super high nutrition foods first to get him back to where he should be and work on other new foods later.

Good Luck!  Keep us updated

[ZacsMumme]

Hugs Hun, has you seen my thread in eating for toddlers....it's working really well at dinner....do you think it could work for you - take the issue of food away from the table KWIM?
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=241627.0
We've already seen heaps of progress...other thing I do now is I don't give him mush food at all free his nap, just a little snack, dinner is early, ie 5.30

[Hedgehog17]

Update from us  :

For the last few days, DS has been managing to eat 'proper' meals again  Last night he even finished his portion of roast duck pieces, sweet potato mash & asparagus 

His final 2nd year molar is mostly through, so I think I was right about it being the d*mned teeth all along  In fact, I wonder if a lot of toddler pickiness and fussiness is down to teething 

I know I'm giving him a lot of milk, but this is the only dairy he gets apart from one small goat's yoghurt (every day or less). He isn't getting any butter, cheese, creamy sauces or anything which a non MPI toddler would be getting!

I've been really careful to time the milk so it won't affect his appetite for meals  His worst meal is breakfast, which he gets more than 12 hours after his last sippy of milk - he just isn't hungry in the morning and it's a real fight to get anything into him  He no longer gets snacks, only drinks of water, coconut water or fruit juice, so he's hungry for lunch and for tea 

Hopefully he'll pick up on the eating now he's done teething - my sister said my nephew was never into food until after his 2nd birthday either!

Keeping everything crossed that O's teeth make an appearance soon 

[TB9]

Good to hear hedgehog!  My good little eater is having problems now because of those molars, she's had pureed pears for breakfast and some applesauce for her snack...not sure what to feed her for lunch that's going to go easy on those teeth, hmmmm....

[clairebear79]

Sorry its been a while getting back ladies.

HH - glad to hear things are improving for you & that it seems to be mostly teething related.  WRT dairy, Oliver still can't tolerate yoghurt or cows milk, so he is literally having 1-2oz of coconut milk on his cereal, plus some days he may have a tiny bit of cheese in a sandwich or sprinkled on his dinner.  That is his entire daily dairy intake.  But he survives without it.  I know if he had that much milk, it would really affect his appetite, so if you find your DS continues to be picky, then I would def cut back at least a bit.  It really won't hurt for him to have a bit less.  And if your DS will eat veggies, he can get his calcium intake that way.   Because Olvier won't, the HV has recommended I top him up with a multivitamin (which I already do).

Sara - I read your thread.  Glad it is working so well for Z!  I really like the idea of having food in serving dishes in the centre so everyone can help themselves but my only concern is that O will only pick the foods he knows/likes & continue to ignore/refuse the others.  I've already gone the route of giving him something he likes along with new foods on his plate & he only eats the one he knows he likes & views the other as an 'imposter'!  Feel like a tougher approach is needed atm.

Tinkerbell - thanks for the suggestions - letting him help to cook is a great idea & I will def try to get him more involved.  We already involve him in the food shopping & let him pick some things eg what shaped pasta we get, although he still refuses to eat it, even if he picked it!

WRT his growth, I saw the HV on thursday & he's still between 25-50th but she's not actually too worried.  He was 25th at birth but went right up to 91st by 6 months old (which I now believe was due to him overfeeding to soothe his reflux caused by his MPI) & I guess he's steadily coming back down.  I was just a bit worried because although I knew his weight gain would steady off in his second year, I didn't think it would slow quite so much as it has.

The HV gave me some similar suggestions to those I've seen here, as well as making sure he wasn't drinking juice right before mealtimes (which he doesn't) & that perhaps the quantity of juice over the day may also need to be reduced.  I asked for her thoughts on whether to give him a healthy pudding regardless of whether he refused his main, its a point we discussed on my last thread.  We have been saying he can only have it if he eats some of his main course but I know others believe it should be offered regardless, so as not to create the idea of one course being better/more desirable than the other.  Her view was to only give dessert if he ate most of his main course, & that otherwise he may learn to hold out for his banana/strawberries, which is the approach we had already taken, so we have decided to remain consistent & carry on with that.

I think I have also come to realise I had perhaps been falling back into that trap of making him what I know he'll eat rather than making other dishes he may not eat, just so he'll eat something (HH maybe this is you with the milk too?)  & I think in doing so I have been fuelling the picky behaviour.  I also think I may have been allowing him to eat a bit too much at breakfast (making up for what he didn't eat at teatime) & so encouraging the cycle to continue.  I've also been a bit more careful about how much fluids he is drinking.

For the last week I've been cooking some different meals, serving them & saying nothing.  For 4 days he pushed it away & ate virtually nothing, then we got an EW after day 4 (due to hunger I'm sure), he ate breakfast like a horse, but I didn't allow quite as much as usual.  He ate a better lunch & then I served savoury mince, mash & veg for tea, fully expecting it to go in the bin & he wolfed all the mince & mash.  Left the veg but I can live with that so long as he is eating the rest.  We were gobsmacked!  The next night we had chicken & mushroom pasties with mash & veg & again he wolfed it down.  So all in all I think we are seeing some progress.  Just need to persevere!

Thanks ladies.xx

[TB9]

Glad things are improving!  I always debate on offering dessert too!  Right now I'm offering some soft or pureed fruit for dessert even if she doesn't eat her meal well...once the teeth cut through I'll have to go back to offering as more of a "treat" that she gets when she finishes off her meal.  When she isn't cutting teeth I figure if she isn't hungry enough to eat her meal then she isn't going to want dessert anyway!

[Lemonthyme]

Personally I don't think jam sandwiches are that great an option, I'd rather give him cheese every day.  Or have you tried cooking up some fruit and using that instead of jam?  To me it would be pointless to give a jam sandwich but then refuse to give fruit for pudding unless he'd had most of it.

Personally I just give him the pudding as it's pretty healthy (he had strawberries and cream today) but only if he's at least had some main course.  He did try yesterday to have nothing.  I try not to worry about quantity.

My son has got a bit fussy with vegetables recently so I've been upping the amount that gets hidden.  I think it's as much for me as for him because if I know he's had some hidden veg, I don't worry about the whole veg being eaten.  Here are some dairy free hidden vegetable recipes, I hope they're a help:

http://mamacook.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/meatballs-for-babies-toddlers-and.html
http://mamacook.blogspot.co.uk/2011/07/bolognaise-adults-and-babies.html
http://mamacook.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/sausage-plait-for-whole-family.html

Here are some just with some cheese in there:

http://mamacook.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/broccoli-nuggets.html
http://mamacook.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/wholemeal-pizza-for-whole-family-loads.html

[clairebear79]

Personally I don't think jam sandwiches are that great an option, I'd rather give him cheese every day. 

Trust me I don't either.  He has cheese most days, jam occasionally.  But TBH cheese isn't that great an option for him either as it triggers his eczema.  I try & try to expand the list of sandwich fillings he will eat but he point blank refuses.  I guess all I can do is persevere. 

To me it would be pointless to give a jam sandwich but then refuse to give fruit for pudding unless he'd had most of it.

Yea I see your point here.  Its not too much of an issue as he rarely refuses a cheese or jam sandwich, and we usually only have a pudding at tea time.  Its his main meal he typically refuses.

Thanks for all the links I will have a good read through.  Sausage plait sounds good - I know he will like that.  He really doesn't seem to like tomato sauces (never ever has done, not even when weaning) much to my disappointment as we have them quite a lot.  I keep offering them at least 1-2 times a week but he's not interested.  Keep on trying eh?

This week has gone reasonably well until today.  We ate out at lunch, he had a kids lunchbox which contained a cheese sandwich, raisins, quavers, a finger of fudge & a carton of juice.  We gave the sandwich first & he ate 3/4 of that, so we let him have 1/4 of the pack of crisps (DH ate the rest), he finished the rest of his sandwich, then nibbled a few raisins & had 1/4 of the fudge.  He guzzled the full carton of juice.  No afternoon snack.  At tea time I served up the leftover portion of savoury mince, mashed potato & veg that I made a few days ago.  He poked the mashed potato, ate one mouthful, tried the mince & spat it out.  He asked for a pudding instead, we told him the usual & he asked to get down from the table.  He's been a bit ratty this evening (no doubt because he was hungry) but we stood our ground.  No idea why he refused today since he wolfed it the other day.  Am wondering if it was the juice - probably extra calories he didn't need.  Ah well, not got to worry for the next 2 days as he's at nursery then MIL's so I know he'll eat!

[Lemonthyme]

Do you know what?  That sounds normal to me.  I have a pretty normal toddler I think when it comes to food but he has days like that.  Also it might be because he ate well at lunchtime.  My son had tuna mayo sandwiches for tea, he mostly picked out the tuna and ate that (with his fingers).  We'd got a small amount of brie from a nice cheese shop which he had a chunk of, he ate some raw carrot, some raspberries then turned his nose up at an apple turnover after two bites.  To be honest I wasn't unhappy at that.  He had protein, fat, some carbs and at least two fruit and veg.

[TB9]

Sounds like lunch was great!  Have you tried re-offering dinner food when he starts to get cranky from being hungry?  That way you aren't "caving in" when he didn't eat dinner but still giving him a chance to eat again...just a thought, some may not agree, but it's probably what I would do.

Honestly, I think all you can do is keep offering different foods, try new things in sandwiches and eventually he may start to expand on what he likes.  Have you tried a roasted veggie sandwich, or even just a cucumber sandwich?  DD loves tortillas, maybe your guy would like some roasted veggies or other sandwich filler wrapped up in a tortilla?  It must be so hard when he can't really have a lot of milk products!

[Lemonthyme]

Roasted veg in a wrap with some hummus would be yummy!