Ready to drop the nap but is required to nap at pre-school - WWYD?

[B J]

DS is 3 yrs 5 mths.  He goes to day care full time during the week and their rest period is between 12:30 - 2:30.  According to the Ministry guidelines here, the children have to lie down/rest for at least an hour.  DS is taking longer to fall asleep at nap time.   The teacher says he is standing up and they have to keep telling him to lie down and he isn't falling asleep until after 1:30.  We've told them to wake him after 30 min but he is hard to wake when he does finally fall asleep and they feel bad doing so. 

BT has been getting later and later for us. He has nights where he doesn't fall asleep until after 9:00 and tells us he's not tired.  And last night he was super hyper and turns out they let him nap from 1:40 - 2:30.

On the weekends, the only way to get him to nap is if we time our outings so that he falls asleep in the car.  But lately that's not working either as he's not falling asleep until later in the afternoon, like 3:00.  So we've done no naps on the weekend and he does early BT and has a better night.

We feel stuck.  Even if he doesn't nap at day care, then he needs early BT which is hard for us to do during the week.  When DS gets home from day care, it takes a while for him to wind down and be ready to eat dinner, then we need to coax him to go up for bath and BT.  It would be rush rush rush if we needed to do early BT and DS does not do well when we try and hurry him up. 

DH is off for 2.5 weeks over the Christmas holidays.  I'm wondering if we kept DS home from day care over that time and did no naps, if he would adjust.  But then would he just go back to napping when he goes back to day care again?  Also, we'll have some family dinners over the holidays, so he'll need a nap on those days as it will be a later night.

HELP!  WWYD?

[Roseii]

Wow I'm really shocked that it's mandatory that they nap at 3.5yo!! Is there another room he can go to? I understand they want him to rest but being told he had to lie down and be quite if he's not tired seems bizarre to me, surely he's not the only kid of that age not wanting to nap??

[B J]

I know..how do you expect a 3 yo to stay lying down for an hour?

So I looked it up and it falls under the Day Nurseries Act here.  They have to provide a rest period of 2 hours, and if they're under 44 months they cannot keep them lying down for more than 1 hour if they are unable to sleep.  If they're over 44 months and can't sleep they don't have to lie down and can do quiet activities.  The teachers told me that they can get up after an hour and do quiet activities.   They do have older kids there that are in junior & senior kindergarden and I'm sure they don't nap.

But since DS won't stay lying down for an hour straight, I guess it delays him being allowed to get up?  I'll have to ask the teachers again when they'll let him get up.   Arghhhh!

[Erin M]

Oh goodness, I don't think I have any useful advice, but just had to post some BTDT ((((hugs))))).  My girls had a required "rest time" at daycare until they were past 4!  It was awful, they'd either fall asleep and be up later at night or they'd just be awake the whole time and bored.  My dd1 was thrilled when she went to kindergarten because she didn't have to nap!  I would just keep talking to the teachers -- try him out with no nap at home and see how your days go (chances are, he may need one every few days at first) -- and then if it works, explain to his caregivers the impact it is having at home when he does nap.  Dd1 was a bit older when she went to daycare and is a lot more adaptable in her sleep habits (and is perfectly content to lay down quietly for awhile), so we pretty much just got by with her.  Dd2 on the other hand -- I remember a lot of late nights.    It got better when the teachers would let her look quietly at books or play with quiet toys (her last teacher put her behind a low bookshelf so the other kids couldn't be distracted by her). 
It's so frustrating, isn't it?

[B J]

Thanks for the hugs!  I feel like only fellow BWers can understand our predicament.  When I told the teacher this morning that bed time is getting too late and that he doesn't nap on weekends, she seemed surprised that he wasn't napping.  What do non-BW parents do?  Let their kids stay up until 10:00 or 11:00 at night?

Poor DH is getting tired of the late nights as he does BT with DS1 and is held hostage in his room until DS1 falls asleep (which is a whole other issue).  DS1 has been doing pretty well with no naps on weekends, but on Monday morning he did say he was tired.  So you're right, he'll probably need a nap every few days until he adjusts.

BTW how long does it take to adjust normally to no naps?

[Erin M]

We had a few months back and forth with dd1 before she could go every day with no nap.  Dd2 got to a point at about 22 months where she wouldn't nap on weekend while at daycare , that Christmas she was 26 months and didn't nap at all and did fine.  We're not there yet with ds (though given my other two, I don't think it will be too much longer).

[barbaraz78]

We have the same here. Kids are required to lie for 2 h until age 4 or 4.5.... I also think it will become a problem soon or later, because ds sometimes refuses naps at daycare or he falls asleep later after the first hour. When he naps well for two days, he is starting to delay bt already, and he's not 3 yo yet. For now, I hope I am trying to let him self-regulating. We also don't have possibilities for a ebt during the week, so if he doesn't nap he often is tired in the evening and needs a nap the day after.

Here I really think that many no bw parents let a kid up until 10-11 pm. I know many kids that stay up so late and still sleep 3 h at age 3.5. I hope he will manage well this year at least and next year I will try to ask teachers.

[B J]

We seem to be heading towards 10pm BT whether we like it or not!  The last 2 nights DS didn't fall asleep until after 9 pm.  Yesterday the teacher woke him up after 30 min but he was sleepy and kept dozing off.  Lights out was 8 pm and he was singing "Jingle Bells" and didn't fall asleep until 9:20.

Nights are now 9 hours and he wakes up and says he's tired.   We're caught in an awful cycle.

[barbaraz78]

I would try nn during christmas holiday and if it works I would speak to daycare about it. It is possible he needs a nap every few days...

[B J]

Thanks that's what we'll do.  We'll continue with no naps on weekends for now. DH and I like the early BTs as it gives us some Y time and DH can get off BT duty early. 
Then over the holidays we'll try more than 2 nn days in a row and see how he does.  You're right, he'll probably need a nap every few days as he adjusts.