12 months--separation anxiety--won't nap or fall asleep at night

[hanna]

Hi,

My LO just turned one. One that night she started crying as soon as I put her down to sleep in the evening. She has always been able to go to sleep on her own at night and for the am nap, but this week we have had to hold her until she sleeps and then put her in her crib at night. Naps aren't working. I have started to drive in the car and try to transfer her, which has always worked in the past. She wakes up as soon as I put her down now, stands up and cries ma ma ma with her arms up. I have tried to leave her for a while waiting outside the door and going back in a few times, handing her the pacifiers she has thrown on the floor, and saying that she has to sleep now...she just cries more when she sees me. However, she won't fall asleep and I obviously don't want her to cry like that. She does go quiet in between but then she cries just as hard again. I have tried to hold her before naps too, but it doesn't work. Sometimes it works for my husband.

So since she has always been able before shall we try wi/wo? Will this pass if we just hold her at night for now? I have been trying to get her to nap basically all morning. I got 10 + 5 at two times in the car.

Her A time is usually 3.5-4 hrs in the am. She has been up 7 hrs now minus the 2 mini naps. I will give her lunch and then try again in the car. But I am going crazy.

Yesterday she slept 45 mins in the am and then 10 mins in the pm. BT was 6.30 pm after a 4 hour A time. She slept until 5.30 this morning.

Thanks

[Lolly]

What was her routine like before she started having problems? Did you have her on one or two naps?

Laura

[hanna]

She is on 2 naps, usually 45-70 mins in the am and then 35-60 in the pm depending on the length of the first one. I finally got her to sleep at 2 pm in the car and she didn't wake up this time when I moved her to her crib.

[Lolly]

I wonder if you would be better putting her onto one nap - or at the least a short cat nap and a longer nap. Neither if her naps are long enough to be restorative so she is probably OT which is why you are getting the issues.

Have a look at these links to see if it helps.

10/11 month old sleep gone wonky? Read this first!

10 to 12 mth old Sleep Gone Wonky, and the 2 - 1 Nap Switch

What do you think?

Laura

[hanna]

I think she is going through something right now, teething also, but most likely it's separation anxiety. She is OT but she has been napping like this for a long time. A few mornings she will sleep longer, up to 90 mins, if the A time is long enough. But Mon-Fri she falls asleep in the car on the way home from dropping off her brother at daycare, at 9.30-ish. On the weekends she has been falling asleep in the crib around the same time, but recently she hasn't been able to. She just stands up and or cries.

However, this week is different. During the day she wants me to hold her a lot. At night, She starts to cry when we approach her bed and I start singing to her. and the naps have been terrible and too short. Hopefully this weekend she can sleep better.

[hanna]

Today, Saturday, this is how she slept:
A time 3 and 25 mins
S 15 mins in my husbands arms, woke up twice when he tried to put her in the crib
A time 1 hr
S 30-40 mins in his arms again, woke up when he tried to put her down
A time 3.5 hrs
S Fell asleep in the car, was able to put her in the crib this time and she slept 70 mins total
Bedtime was later than usual because her last nap was an hour later than normal, so she took 30 minutes to almost fall asleep in my arms, was able to put her down awake and patted her back until she was sleeping.

She is still clingy during the day and cries more, think she's teething too. She doesn't even want to sit and eat in the high chair. We have to hold her or she cries.

How do I get her to sleep in her bed again without holding her or driving around in the car first? I don't want her to get used to the holding and rocking, but if she needs me more right now I don't want to abandon her either.

[Lolly]

I would do what you did at bedtime - hold her until she is drowsy for now and put her down awake and pat her then you can reduce the patting. If it is SA you will have to ride it out really - give her as much reassurance as you can. If you think teeth are you medicating before naps/ bedtime? You may need to do a gradual withdrawal, especially if she is standing up in her cot calling for you.

Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

Can you write out how today goes in EAS style as it's easier to read! If you can post the whole day with wake up times, what time she napped and how long for and then bedtime.

Laura

[hanna]

Today we couldn't put her down drowsy once. She woke up an hour earlier than usual in the morning so the whole nap schedule was shifted. I give her meds before BT.

WU 4.50 am, it's normally around 6 am
E bottle of milk at 5.20
A
E breakfast at 7.15
A
S 8.20-9.20 am, my husband held her in his arms the whole time, (tried onceto put her down and she started crying)
A
E 10.15 snack with milk
A
E 12.00 lunch
A
S 1.05-2.25 pm, my husband held her the whole time again
A
E 3-ish snack with milk
A
E 5 pm, dinner
6.15 oatmeal
BT (6.35 is when I started) 7.00pm put her down, I rocked and held her, tried to put her down awake but she cried, so i picked her up again, took 25 mins total, put her down when she was in deep sleep in the end. She was resting/almost asleep the whole time on my shoulder since 6.35.
She started walking 2 weeks ago, and she walks all day long as much as she can, she wants to climb too

[hanna]

Yesterday she had a 20 minute am nap only and a 90 minute pm nap.
This morning she woke up at 4.15 and only slept 30 mins more until 6 am, when she had her bottle.

Had a 90-minute nap at 9.30

Turns out she has an ear infection in one ear too

[hanna]

Had a horrible night, all of us, baby woke up and was up for 90 mins.  Cried every time we tried to put her back in her crib. She fell asleep in the car this am, slept 10 mins, woke up when I brought her in...
I tried an hour later, same result, so I put her down in her bed and told her to sleep. She immediately started screaming. I went in one or two times and she cried less but still hysterically on and off until she fell asleep. I felt terrible the whole time. Is this really how you do the wi/wo method?
She slept 25 mins and now she is awake and crying again. if I go in now she's going to cry more, so what do I do?

We all need to get some slept in this house. She used to be so easy to put down to sleep.

[Lolly]

If she is crying you need to go to her - if this is seperation anxiety then it's not going to help her really. Even with WI/WO you need to go back to them if they are crying until they calm down.

With my two we used a sleepy phrase and stroked or patted them. So I put them down said good night etc and left, as soon as they started crying an "I need you" cry I went straight back in and got them to lie back down if they were standing. Then I either leant over the cot or put my hand through the bars and stroked or patted and used our phrase "it's ok, it's just time for sleep" until they had calmed enough to stop crying then I left again. It can take a lot of in and out, especially in the early days but it does get better.

Have you had a look at the links about the 2-1 for naps?

Laura

[hanna]

But she doesn't calm down when I am in her room. She cries even more when I'm in there. And she needs to sleep. I can't even hold her to sleep, she just fidgets. She stands right back up when I put her down.
She is so tired and really needs to sleep. I don't know what else to do. she keeps waking up at 4 or 5 am.

She is not ready for only 1 nap. She can't stay awake that long.

[hanna]

Another 10 minute car nap
Awake and crying in bed
I don't know how to get her to sleep

[Lolly]

How is the ear infection being treated? Is she on meds for it?

What time did she wake up and what time was the car nap? How was her night?

Laura

[hanna]

She is on antibiotics since 4 days now. And I sometimes give her acetaminophen for babies.

Yesterday I gave up and just sat in the car so she could nap, she had 2x45 naps, not quite enough. Yesterday am she woke up at 5.30 and her first nap was another 10 mins inthe car at 9.25-9.35, then she woke up when i tried to put her in bed. She cried on and off for 15 mins, and i went in a few times but no more sleep. At 11.00 she fell asleep in the car again and that was the first 45 mins. The second 45-minute nap was at 2.40-3.25 pm in the car.

I was able to get her to sleep at night after staying with her and patting her back for 15 mins, so perhaps nights (BT) are getting better. However, she is only sleeping until 5 or 5.30 am getting 10 or 10.30 hrs of night sleep. 
This morning she awoke at 5 am, she also wakes a couple of times every night for her pacifier and cries more than usual those times.

When she wakes up so early, 5 am, her first nap will be around 8.30 am, if she sleeps.
Actually, it took 1 hr to get her to sleep this morning, so her A-time was 4.20 and she slept for 90 minutes, hallelujah.