How do I teach self-soothing?

[babyzmom]

I blew it.  My son is almost 6 months old and he has no idea how to self soothe...  Any time he has woken up crying I always ran in to him.  I should have known better, but I was worried about his heart (although I am now told that we are not to worry... the doctors are no longer concerned) and, being in a small house, I didn't want his sister to wake up...  Motivations aside, he can't self soothe and I feel terrible that I have robbed him of developing a strategy to put himself back to sleep.  This has translated to him waking multiple times a night and, any time he wakes up, he goes from zero to ninety in a matter of moments.  How do I help him learn to self soothe?

[jessmum46]

Hi, and (((hugs))).  It's never too late to start teaching independent sleep and at six months he will likely learn fairly quickly . How does he go to sleep at the moment?  Are you familiar with the baby whisperer books?  There is some great information in these links:
Teaching Sleep to Babies of 3-5 months (and the 45 min nap)
Teaching Sleep to Babies over 6 months old
Pat-shush for babies under three months old (ignore that it says under 3 months)
How to PU/PD (inc age adaptations)

Are you able to dedicate at least 4-5 days (preferably a week) to teaching him to settle in his crib?

Let me know what you think

[babyzmom]

Hi jessmum46,  You are brilliant!  Thanks a million for the links.  I'm printing them out now and can't wait to read them!!!!  Unfortunately, I work full time, although I do have a Monday and Tuesday off towards the end of February which will make for a long weekend.  Would you advise holding off on tackling his sleep issues until then so that I have the time to address it?  Or is it better to start sooner rather than later?  Thanks again!!!!!!

[babyzmom]

Oops.  I forgot to answer your questions.  I have read the books and have been on the boards trying to glean advice...  I am so impressed by you guys!!!!  I hope I am doing things right, so if I'm not PLEASE let me know.  I need advice!  Right now, for bedtime at night, he has been doing fantastically (knock on wood) in terms of falling asleep.  We do our routine and I lay him down swaddled from the armpits down with his lovey which I just introduced this week.  He also uses a pacifier.  I have been putting him down awake and I say goodnight and tell him I will wait with him until he falls asleep.  I step away and usually sit down on the bed (his crib is still in my room...  Maybe that is not a good idea?) and he drops off to sleep almost immediately.  He is asleep by 7pm.  I try to do the same for naps, but unfortunately, I only get to do that on the weekends when I'm not working...  So, falling asleep independently seems to be going well (as of this week), it's just that he doesn't sleep for long.  He takes 45 minute naps (sometimes only two in a day!) and occasionally one of them may be only 20-30 minutes... and when he wakes at night, he escalates into an all out roar.    Sometimes, all he needs is to hold my hand to fall back asleep or his pacifier...  So he is generally easily calmed, but relies on me for the calming.  Okay, off to find a quiet spot to read my printouts!  Thanks again. 

[greenlady]

Hi
Sounds like you are doing really well..it will take some time for him to adjust, and the roar just sounds like he's a bit scared when he wakes up.  So, you reassuring him is just right.  I'd definately try to take the crib out though - once you are confident he'll be ok.  Then you can get some peace and quiet

[jessmum46]

You are doing fabulously!  I completely understand circumstances can make it hard to be completely consistent with naps - for now I'd suggest doing what you can (any practice for him is good!) and then you can really go for it when you have the long weekend

What you could start to do at bedtime is to move further away from the crib over a few days - get yourself a stool and every couple of days move closer to the door until you are at the stage where you are sitting in the doorway as he falls asleep. After that you can just put him down and leave . The paci may possibly still be an issue in that he needs you to replace it in the night, but he isn't far off the age where you can teach him to replace it himself so I'd be tempted to hang onto it for now.

Short naps can be related to the routine needing some adjustment - did you want to post a recent day (don't worry if EAS are in the wrong order) to see if there's anything I can suggest that might help?

[babyzmom]

You guys are amazing.  THANK YOU.  And thanks for the encouragement...  If I'm doing anything right, it's because I'm getting tips from all of you!!!!  A typical day goes something like this...

E – 5:00 He has been going back to sleep after this feeding this week because (GASP!  I can't believe I'm doing this and I know I shouldn't... I let him fall asleep next to me).  AP at its finest!  Although can I call it accidental if I know I'm doing it?  If I lay him next to me, he'll fall back asleep by 5:30 and I can get up and ready for work.  If I don't, he will fall back asleep at 6:00 in his crib.  We head to daycare by 7:30 and he will stay awake looking at his big sister or out the window if he fell back asleep that morning... Otherwise he will nod off for about 20 minutes.
E – 8:00
A - Few teaspoons of fruit around 8:45/9:00
S – 10:00 (~40 minutes)
(A)
E – 11:30
A
S – 1:00 (~40 minutes)
(A)
E – BF
A
(S) – On weekdays, he falls asleep for about 20 minutes on the car ride home
E – 5:30
A
S – Between 6:30 and 7:00

[Mom2Sam7312]

You are not alone! I am going through some of the same things...wish I could help you but I haven't figured it out yet either! Hoping someone will give you advice that might work for me too!!

[jessmum46]

babyzmom I think you need to try to push your first nap later (if I'm right in assuming WU time is 7.30).  At 6 months most babies are heading towards 3h A time and dropping the third nap.  Does he wake up happy from the first nap?  Have you ever tried to resettle him?  I'd be tempted to try to push the first nap 10 mins later every 3-4 days until you start getting a longer nap (even if you have to resettle half way).  After a short nap he likely won't be able to handle a full A time without becoming OT, so if the first nap is 40 mins I'd try to have him asleep for his second nap a little earlier.  Have you seen this? All about the 3-2 transition- 5/6 months

[babyzmom]

Thank you again for the advice and encouragement ladies!  I will start to work on extending his first activity time of the day and go from there...  Unfortunately, we took a number of steps back this weekend as both my little guy and his big sister are sick.  I should have known something was up when DS, who has been doing so well with falling asleep independently at night completely fell apart Saturday night and took two hours to go down, waking every hour... poor little guy.  I AP all over the place ultimately letting him fall asleep on me since it seemed the only way that he was comfortable.  Eek.  Hopefully he will be on the mend soon and we can begin to get back on track and I can start working on his EAS schedule.  I'll keep you posted, but wanted to say thank you in the meantime.  You are all keeping me sane!!! 

[jessmum46]

(((Hugs))) just do what you need to when he's sick - let us know if we can help more once he's feeling better