I personally don't think desert should be used as a reward. I also don't think it is a good idea to give desert only if they easy all their meal. I don't expect my children to eat all of their meal and never have. I think it is good for them to be able to tell when they are full and to stop eating. Most adults lose this ability and that is not really a good thing. Lots of children go through this stage and out just takes time. Everybody has their own views on how to tackle it. As long as there is nothing medically wrong a child will not starve themselves.
I agree with all of this.
I have also found with my DS that if he is very tired he is unlikely to eat much in the evening. Because of this I decided to turn our meals around a bit and now focus on protein for breakfast (when he has a very healthy appetite) so that I am not concerned if he doesn't want much of his evening meal. I find I can balance out his diet a bit better this way.
Every house is different with house rules and food rules etc, here's my take
1) what should I do about them constantly getting up from the table? Am I expecting too much at their age to expect them to stay put?
I do not think you are expecting too much. My LO has always been expected to stay at the table to eat. The only time he leaves mid-meal is for the toilet, this was the case even before 1 yr old and whether he used his nappy or the potty, he always preferred to leave his meal to do his business and after clean up I would let him back to continue his meal.
I don't expect my child to stay at the table as long as the adults because it would be too long for him and I think that's asking too much, but he stays until he is full and asks to leave. That's his meal time over. I don't allow back and forth from the table. The only times he would eat away from the table is for snacks.
2) should I only give dessert if they eat all their tea?
Like pp said. I don't use desert or any food as reward. I decide what is a balanced diet and he is offered that.
3) is it a good idea to try and leave them to it ? I don't mean to leave the room but just to not sit there or hover over them making a big deal?
Are you not having your own meal with them? I think children benefit from modelling of table/meal behaviour, children generally like to copy. Perhaps your 2 yo is copying your 3.5yo because there is no other behaviour being modelled?
It is very rare for my DS to have a meal that I am not part of. We set the table and sit together for our meals. If there is a time I really cannot eat the same meal I sit with him and have a drink but this is very rare as I think it is important to eat together. I don't 'hover' over DS I just let him get on with eating, we chat about the day or our plans etc, I ensure he has help if needed with his cutlery etc and we talk about how the table is set and cleared up at the end of a meal and so on, so that the niceties of meal times is gradually introduced and practised.
