23 MO never stops crying!

[Twolilbeans]

I'm about to tear up my Mother card and just give up. I have no idea what to do with my DD. She cries all the time and I have no idea how to comfort her. She has always been impossible to comfort, but I'm finally at a breaking point with her and I just can't handle it.

Most mornings she wakes up too early, she should be waking up at 7:00 am, but its getting closer to 5:30 am. She is refusing naps and/or crying for 15-20 mins every day before falling asleep. After she wakes up she cries for up to an hour and again is not able to be comforted. She still wakes up at night at least once and some nights will cry for a full hour before falling back to sleep. Also some nights she wakes up every hour. She doesn't talk well yet and therefore can't just tell me what is wrong so it ends up being a guessing game and I seem to always get it wrong.

It's not just the sleeping issues, she cries at the drop of a hat and there's really no way for me to comfort her. If I try to pick her up or cuddle or talk to her about what's wrong she just cries more and for longer. DD is touchy and a little bit spirited. DS is 14 months older and is completely opposite.

Is this just a phase? Do kids grow out of this?

[*Ali*]

Hugs. It is hard to listen to our kids crying and not feel able to help isn't it.

She sounds very OT. Is she an independent sleeper? What are you doing while she cries before naps?

You mentioned she isn't talking much, do you think she is delayed with her speech at all? It can be very frustrating when they have so much to say and can't get the words out. Have you ever tried signing to her?

[Twolilbeans]

She sleeps in her own bed, but shares a room with her older brother. He doesn't keep her up though, he goes right to sleep.

At nap time she doesn't start crying until I put her in her bed. I leave her alone for 5 mins and if her crying hasn't stopped then I ask her if she needs something and she usually tells me, but sometimes she will say "done" and try to get out of bed. When that happens I just have to tell her its nap time and leave her in her room. She never cries more than 15 minutes.

She isn't delayed, she just doesn't know how to put into words what's going on or doesn't want to. When she becomes upset she stops communicating and just cries, so its not really a matter of her not knowing how to talk more than it is just her being mad. She has been asking for medicine lately and points to her mouth, I suspect her teeth have been coming in for a while now. It seems like she never stops teething, and I just realized this may be the reason for her crying. I haven't used signing with either of my kids.

I suspect she is OT, but I've never been successful at fixing it. Her schedule is this:

7 am wake up (she usually wakes up between 5:30 and 7:00, it's random)
1:00 pm nap for 1-2 hours
7:30 bedtime (she usually falls asleep close to 8:15)

[*jazzberry*]

Have you had her ears checked?

[*Ali*]

Sorry, just to clarify are you leaving her to cry it out for naps? Or are you with her or speaking through the door? How did you sleep train her originally?

Will she go down earlier for her nap? Any chance of resettling if only a short one?

Are you giving her meds for teething?

[Twolilbeans]

She slept through the night from day 1 basically so we didn't have to sleep train her much at all. After 6 months she started teething and that's when this waking up started. I usually wait 5 minutes before I go into her room because on occasion she wakes up and and cries for a few minutes and goes back to sleep. If she cries any longer than that I go into her room and see if she needs something. I have tried to hold her or soothe her by rubbing her back, but if I do this she won't stop crying. Sometimes I just sit next to her bed and tell her everything will be ok.

On rare occasion she will re-settle, but only if I don't go into her room, which means letting her cry herself to sleep and I don't like to do that. She will go down earlier for her nap, but I do get more of a fight from her. Also, DS doesn't nap until one and if he makes any sound at all she can hear it and will take longer to fall asleep. DS is only 3 so I can't really get him to be completely quiet yet.

I do give her advil for her teething pain, but she wakes up about 4 hours into it and I can't give her more for another two hours. I tried alternating ibuprofen and tylenol, but tylenol doesn't help her.

[Twolilbeans]

Oh, and she did just have a physical and the doctor said everything looks good and clear, however she mentioned she thinks she has seasonal allergies and wanted me to put her on an allergy medicine. She's been taking that for a few days, but it hasn't changed her behavior at all.

[*Ali*]

So is it more of a mantra cry would you say? If it is an upset cry I would just call back through the door and say your sleepy phrase.

It does seem like a lot of crying from your original post. Is she happy outside of the times you mentioned around sleep? I think they do tend to cry less when they can tell you what they want more easily. I liked signing with my two just so they could tell me what they wanted before they could say the actual words.

[Twolilbeans]

No it isn't a mantra cry that I can tell, it seems more like a frustrated cry. The problem is it seems like she is always crying. If anything throws her off she cries, if something doesn't go her way she cries. She is very touchy. The night crying is just too much for me because she does it every night. She cries before bed, she cries if she wakes up at night, and she cries for an hour non-stop after she wakes up from her nap, and on occasion she cries for an hour in the morning when she wakes up as well.

I think the night waking and her crying at every little thing has just worn me down. I was hoping someone could tell me if this is just a phase that some kids go through and eventually she'll grow out of being so touchy about everything. The crying after she wakes up I can't figure out.

[*Ali*]

My DS1 used to cry for ages after he woke up when he was OT because his nap was too late or short. It was very difficult but he would at least let me sit and cuddle him (he would still cry) but that wasn't always practical with DS2 needing me as well. He did grow out of it I think. He stopped cry at some point anyway. He dropped the nap soon after so that was no longer a trigger.
Unfortunately crying is the only way they have to communicate with us before then can put it into words. Shame it is so hard to decipher sometimes.
Your DD does sound OT. Is there any way you can AP a longer for her?
Is there anyone who can help you with her to give you a break? Her dad, your mum maybe. Hugs it is hard to hear our LOs cry and feel like you are not be able to do anything to help. You just being there does help.

[Twolilbeans]

My husband works, but helps with her when he gets home. Unfortunately right now we live in a different state from all friends and family so I really have no one to help. My husband is getting ready to go on a short deployment and we'll be moving back home with family so I know I'll have help. I just wish I could get a handle on this crying and refusing to let me comfort her, she is a total daddy's girl and while he's gone I'm afraid she'll shut down to me completely. I really hope this phase ends soon, I bet most of it is teething, because she really is a fun kid when she's not crying all the time.

[*Ali*]

Have you tried something topical like gel or granules for the teeth between the ibuprofen? Or an ice lolly or frozen yogurt maybe?

[Twolilbeans]

I have and they don't seem to help. I think I'll just have to keep dealing with it and just hope it ends soon.

[*Ali*]

I'm sure she will grow out of it especially when she has her next language explosion.