How to settle an independent sleeper?

[scruffymax]

DD just turned 1.  She has been a breeze to put to sleep most of her short life - we've been very lucky.  WD is pretty much tell her a few minutes before "nearly time for nigh nighs", then at nap time tell her "time for nigh nighs", say goodnight to dogs etc, take her into her bedroom, shut curtains/blinds, turn on white noise, lie her on change table and put her in sleeping bag, she grabs a dummy and puts it in her mouth and another one in her hand which she fiddles with or rubs on her face (there's one attached by a chain on each of the shoulders of her sleeping bag), pick her up in cradle hold and sing twinkle twinkle little star, and put her in the cot and tell her goodnight, sweet dreams, love you etc.  Then I walk out of the room, turn out the light, shut the door and don't hear a peep from her until she wakes up 

At night time (usually) DH gives her a bath, then dresses her, then I give her a bottle, and then it's straight into her room for BT routine.

Out of the blue this week we've had problems with BT which I think are either routine or teeth related and I'm addressing both of those as best I can.  However, I really struggle to know what to do to help her go to sleep.  I've tried shushing and reassuring her from the door and it calms her but after 45 mins she was still standing up and not going to sleep.  I've tried lying her down but it really upset her that I didn't pick her up (probably only tried for a minute or 2).  I've tried picking her up and snuggling her.  I even tried patting and shushing her in my arms but then she started shushing back to me - funny but not helpful!  The only thing that seemed to work was getting her up, letting her play for a bit and then repeating BT routine when she seemed tired again.  Each time she has gone to sleep like normal then.  Now this is all well and good at BT, it's not that big a deal that she stays up another hour, but it's not much fun for a NW.  I ended up walking up and down the street until she seemed tired (put her head on my chest and yawned).  Fortunately we've only had one NW but I'm sure it will happen again. 

Previously when we've had NWs (a couple of months ago) I'd give her a bottle and then put her to bed awake and that worked.  That was after trying other things like above.  I've tried to bring her into bed during a NW but she just wants to play.

So what do I do when she doesn't settle?  Is PU/PD appropriate - ie just the PD part?  How long do you keep putting them down, and is it normal for LO to cry a lot?  That probably sounds really silly I know but I'm not used to DD crying at BT.  I would do it if I had a plan of how long to keep going for and what to expect.  At the moment I have been thinking it's not like her to be unsettled so something must be really wrong, I should just go with it, but I don't really know WHAT to do to help her to sleep.

[mycatmonet]

pd or wiwo for nw is probably the way to go. There might be a fair bit of crying, but you might be lucky, the wiwo i did with nw lasted 15min and haven't had to do it since (granted it was only a week or 2 ago). Is it teeth? A wonder week?

[scruffymax]

Thanks Caitlin (my sister's name by the way although she's spelt Caitlyn!  And we're in Brissie too).  I've looked at the GW vs WIWO FAQ, but still a bit unsure on exactly what WIWO entails.  Do you wait back until you're sure they're not going to settle, then go in and reassure and leave again?  I'm pretty sure my LO would get really upset when I leave again - is that normal?  How long before each walk in and how long would you keep it up for?

Pretty sure 6th tooth is about to pop through and can see lumps and bumps around where the molars will be.  Also have just transitioned to 1 nap.  And started work part time 3 weeks ago so there's SA.  And wonder week in week 55 would be only 2 weeks away.  Poor LO.  So I'm not expecting her to be sleeping perfectly, I just need a plan of attack to help her.

[mycatmonet]

oh wow, well lots of things going on right now (ugh molars, we had lumps and bumps and the grumps since christmas, and just have one through i think i saw for the first time today) and the week 55 ww was a fussy one for us, it will pass!! i think long nw aren't unusual for that age, we didn't really have any, we just had more nws, and multiple nf which may have helped prevent them for us (sigh!)... Hmmm. I am not a wiwo expert, but yeah you walk in, pd and say sleepy phrase and leave, and go in if it's an i need you cry. Your lo might get more upset when you leave, but they should learn you're there if they need you. It's important to let them have a chance to settle themselves, I have to hold back a bit from running right in again! I was prepared to do it as long as i needed to, and i guess you need to monitor those cries to determine how often you're going back in. if it's stop start i don't go back in, i'll make it worse!
Wiwo is for LOs who were independent sleepers, rather than gw, where a lo might need you more as they haven't been an independent sleeper yet.  You know your DD best though, if something else will work to get you through this patch, do it! Otherwise if it's not happening, give wiwo a try, and be prepared for possible crying. Ummm it can't be nice to walk the street at night with DD, and if it's anything like my place you'll be eaten alive by mozzies!
Ps your sister must be awesome!! Lol growing up i constantly got 'that's a weird name, how do you spell that'... Now there are stacks of variations!

[scruffymax]

DD woke at 11:30pm last night and I tried WIWO... epic fail :-(

I always leave her a few mins because sometimes she'll go back to sleep on her own but it didn't sound like she would so I went and got a drink and a dose of nurofen (meant to give her some before bed but forgot).  I turned on the light in the room opposite hers so I could see her and then tried to give her the drink and nurofen crouched down on the floor beside the cot - not hiding from her or anything, I just didn't want to stand up so she'd think I was about to pick her up.

It was quiet odd - she kept crying and it was like she couldn't see me.  She certainly wasn't looking at me.  She wouldn't have a drink and I made the mistake of trying to give her the nurofen while she was still standing crying and she choked on it :-(  I really couldn't calm her but I tried to WIWO and wait at least 10seconds between each WI, but she got really distressed.  I tried lying her down when I was in but it really didn't work.  I probably only WIWO about 4 times but she got so distressed - I've never heard her like that - and I gave up and got her up.  She stopped crying pretty quickly but continued having that breath catch for at least 5 minutes.  I felt so terrible.

I don't think I'm game to try to settle her in the cot again.  At least with the more NW she has, the more I'm learning how to settle her ;-)  It seems to work best at the moment to get her out of her sleeping bag and dummies, and give her cuddles, and then when she seems quite calm and a bit sleepy go back in and put her in sleeping bag, sing twinkle twinkle etc.  Sigh.  Feeling like a guilty mummy today.

[mycatmonet]

oh hugs!! don't feel bad! (Hard to, i know.) But she won't hold it against you. I know wiwo wouldn't have always worked for my DD at every point in time, so if you have found another way of settling atm, great! And maybe it was that last night she needed something else, she may well have responded differently another night? So don't be too hard on yourself...
And hugs for the neurofen disaster!
Hmmm is she getting OT from the 2-1 dyt?

[scruffymax]

Thanks. Think it's teeth as had started this while still on 2 naps...

[anna*]

My little girl goes nuts with WIWO too, she settles much quicker if I don't go in to her and just say the odd phrase (only now and again) through the slightly open door so she knows she's not alone. If I do go in I pick her up, hold her until she's calm, then give her her dummy and lovey and *usually* I can put her back down with only a little bit of crying at that point.

[greenlady]

Hi Scruffmax
Just having the same problem with our DS who is just over a year.  We tries Sh/pat and WIWO but it makes it worse...and as nothing else has changed and DS was a good sleeper, am pretty sure it's teeth.  So, we've been trying teething powder for the last few nights which seem to work a bit (stop the crying and then he drifts off).  I really liked your idea of tying the dummies to the sleeping bag.  Might try that as our problem is rummaging under the cot when he drops it at 2.00 am. Also, teething gell on the dummy helps too.
So, we are just dong whatever we can to get him through this and hoping that it doesn't last too long!