will she ever sleep through the night?
Of course! When she's a teenager you won't be able to drag her out of bed
So many hugs though, you've really had a rough patch here and the whole household must be in need of more sleep.
Lets see...
1. Teething - if you suspect teething, if there are any day signs, drooling, chewing, red cheeks, grouchiness etc I would medicate before nap and BT for a few days and see if it helps. Tylenol is paracetamol, which many find doesn't touch bad teething pain. Try ibuprofen, sometimes recommended to be take with or after food although not always stated on the bottle and isn't 100% necessary, if there is a BT milk feed or a supper before the BT routine give it then. It's anti inflammatory so does help with teething and sore gums much better than paracetamol. Will she let you rub a teething gel on her gums? This doesn't last long but can help with the initial getting to sleep.
At the absolute worst teething days you can max dose giving ibuprofen AND paracetamol either at intervals or together, the active agent is different so it's fine. I tend to give ibuprofen at BT and save a paracetamol dose for middle of the night if needed.
2. The cast. Is she having any physio to help with her regain movement and muscle tone? If not could you ask your paed about it? It would be good to rule out (or get treatment for) discomfort related to that aspect.
Not a BW thing but did you ever consider osteopathy? Where I live there are osteopaths trained to treat infants and toddlers, I took my own LO to one for several sessions, it is very gentle manipulation (looks like nothing but you can see LO reacts a little) and they can check over the entire body. Many people find it helps their LO with a whole range of things, including pain and sleep.
3. Could you post your EASY please? The disturbed sleep may not be routine related but worth a check hey? If you give morning WU, nap time (and a brief note to show what time nap should have been and when sleep actually came) and length and BT (again with a note of BT and S time if different).
Also, are her days generally the same each day, like the same level of stimulation, outings at roughly the same time and things like that or are they very changeable? Any times you notice a difference in her sleep for naps or nights related to what's happened in the day?
4. Well done on reducing those NWs! Wow! You are down to 2 per night and that really is improvement. If they are at very similar times each night they could be habitual. Have you tried any W2S? I think I would try a W2S on the first one, see if you get results before trying for the second one. Do you have a feed (maybe DF) for the NB around 10pm ish? If so this would be a reasonable time to try a W2S. Either before or after NB feed go in to DD and give her a slight touch, tuck her in, or stroke her cheek, or give her back a rub, you are looking for enough to disturb her sleep and kick start a new sleep cycle without actually waking her up. She may moan, roll over, shift in her sleep position, bat her face, rummage around looking for lamb or something like that which will indicate a transition. There's a sticky in the FAQs if you need it (shout if you can't find it). The basic idea is to do this for 3 nights, same time, then on the 4th night don't W2S and see if she sleeps through. if not resettle and usual and on night 5 begin again with W2S at the same time for 3 nights, then stop and see if she sleeps though night 8 and so on. It can take several rounds for the habit of sleeping through to be formed so don't give up too quickly. I'll add it doesn't work for every single LO but it is a method worth trying.
Like I said don't rush into fixing that second NW yet, just go for one at a time. Resettle the second one as normal (if you get it...note the time if it is different as her sleep times and transitions will be changed by the W2S).
5. PDs at nap and BT and the GW.
- is the lamb a well established lovey that she gains comfort from? Do you see her using it as a lovey and gaining comfort? Does she use it at other times of the day for comfort (when teething or has a fall for example)? Can she find the lamb in the night and when you to go her at NW is she using the lamb?
- do you have a key phrase that you use at wind down for naps and night? Are you using it regularly and repeating it to reinforce its 'strength'?
- do you sense that she is afraid of her bedroom or crib at all? Do you spend time in there during the day? is she ok with that? What happens if you put her in her crib during A time whilst you for example put some laundry away in the same room?
- at the NW does she immediately shout for you? Cry/scream? or does she mantra and chat to herself? What is she like when you get to her? how does she react?
- GW. I may have this wrong but reading your post it seems to me that you are trying to gradually withdraw all in one go ie reducing the hold, and touch and stepping gradually away. This isn't really the idea of GW. Rather it is about making small changes over a longer period of time and each time LO is learning to settle with the new way you take it on a step further.
There's a FAQ on the Gentle Removal Plan here
HELP YOUR BABY TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP ON HER OWNWhich you can scroll down and see example of getting baby back to sleep in their own cot. It's just an example, you adapt as your situation needs. At each step you don't let her get fully hooked into the new habit, but almost, so that she is calm, relaxed and falling to sleep, then before it becomes a hard core prop you take the next step.
In your case the steps might go something like this:
1. I would stop for a short time on the hand on back where she is happy and going to fall to sleep, use your key phrase during this time. Let her fall to sleep for a couple of days like that.
2. next step, do the same thing until she is relaxed or almost to sleep and ever so gently lighten the pressure on her back. She will complain, you use your key phrase and even increase the pressure for a moment (going back one step) to reassure her you are there and and responding to her need, but then release the pressure again, with key phrase. Continue until she stops moaning, only increase the pressure if absolutely needed and only for as short a time as possible, then lighten again. Let her fall to sleep with your lighter pressure hand on her back. Continue for a night or two.
3. As before but after holding on light pressure you reduce pressure again, a hand barely on her. Plus key phrase. take a step back to firmer touch, very briefly, if needed then back to barely on her.
4. A finger plus key phrase.
5. Hover your hand just off her plus key phrase. With this it may seem pointless because you are not touching her but she knows you are there, it also means you can briefly take a step back to light touch (or even a rapid, firm, lighter, barely, none, if needed) without a big movement of getting yourself to the crib and your arm over the side. you are already in position.
6. Remove arm and stand up, plus key phrase.
7. after PD quickly move through the previous steps (firm touch, almost a cuddle in bed, lighter touch, key phrase, remove arm, stand up) walk to door. Stand there and repeat key phrase.
8. as 7 but leave room. Wait outside room, verbally reassure with key phrase from outside. Return if needed (WI/WO), and as always take a step or two back to light touch or a quick rub, then lighter, step away etc if she needs it.
These steps are not set in stone, I just give this as an example. You want to avoid PU if you can, I would try to limit to one PU at a visit, at this age the recommendation is not to PU but just PD (if she stands lay her down) but I know my DS would blow a gasket if I did that, he doesn't ask for a hug unless he needs one and if he needs on he gets one, yk? I PU very briefly, if I hold him too long he turns from crying for attention into frustrated that I am bothering him when he wants to be in his bed asleep. When you continue to PU to sooth it is harder to move on to the next step, you really need to get comforting in the cot.
Now I realise this looks long winded and I realise you are exhausted. I suppose all I can do is send hugs and suggest that the time put in with it will pay off. Initially the NW may take longer for you to settle her so you need to prepare yourself for that chance, but after a week or couple of weeks she should be self soothing happily safe in the knowledge that you will return if she needs you.
I still believe that an independent sleeper will take little to return to independence once their other issues are cleared up. Something surely is bothering her. Meanwhile creating a secure BT routine where you are not stuck for 30 mins with a crying toddler should help everyone feel a bit calmer and more relaxed.
Hmm...I think I covered everything. Do ask if you need clarification. And let us know how things are going.
PS sorry about asking so many questions, just trying to get a bigger picture so we can help as much as possible
