Help very desperate

[dkelly718]

Hi my lo is 2 mos and I  have been trying to implement  EASY since he was about 4 weeks old. I just cannot get him to nap consistently. His naps are all over the place some are 2 hours, an hour, 30 mins, 45 mins. I have tried everything I look for his sleep cues and put him down sometimes I will get a good nap sometimes I won't. I have even tried setting a timer for that 1 hr-1h 15 mark because that is about what his A time should be. Some days it works and some days it doesn't. I really feel like giving up but I know that the days that it does work he is happier and sleeps better at night but honestly its maybe once a week that he will actually nap well and it usually involves me staying with him trying to get him back to sleep. About 90% of the time he wakes up after 45 mins which can mean OT/UT but I just can't figure it out I try a shorter A the next time and I will still get a 45 min nap or I will try a longer A time and still get a 45 min nap. I have tried tackling the morning nap first and its still hit or miss on day I will get a good nap and the next day its will be 45 mins again. This is just a sample of my EASY on a good day but honestly it is never the same two days in a row
E 8 am wake-up and eat
A
S 9:15 woke- 9:45
E 10:30
A
S 11:30-1:30
E 1:30
A
S 2:30-4:30 slept on me because I wanted to make sure he got at least one good nap in
E 4:30
A
S 5:45-6:15 in the car
E 6:30
A
Bedtime routine lotion, pjs
E 7:45
Sleep for night by 8:15

I really don't know what I am doing wrong. I even went off EASY for a few days just because I was going nuts and now my ds has become so overtired so I know that it does work but I feel that I am a prisoner and can't do anything because of this routine. People want to come over and visit with him but I have no idea when to tell them to come over because his naps are so inconsistent and by the time they get here he is ready to go back down again. 

[dkelly718]

Sorry I want to add that yesterday he woke at 7am ate was tired so I put him back to bed at 8 he slept for two hours then the rest of the day he only slept two 30 min naps and one 20 min nap. I put him to bed at 7:30 he woke up at 11:30, 2:30, 4:30,6. He only ate at 11:30 and 4:30. Today he woke at 7am and same thing was tired so I put him down he slept for 5 minutes and then wouldn't go to sleep. He was up to 9:30 then I fed him and put him down for a nap and he slept for an hour and 45mins i just dont' get it. He woke up crying and is still yawning. I know he is in a cycle of OT but i don't know how to break it. Any help is really appreciated

[sarahb1983]

I just wanted to say I also have an 8 week old and an in exactly same boat although I have him and a 22 month old which makes it harder. We did easy with her and it paid off and does get easier. Remember its early days I'm just counting down the days 2 when he dies t need quite so much sleep. Re friends coming they should support and help you but it's ok to ge a bit more relaxed every no and again. I do nap in car seat rocking every now and again if I'm out and about. Sounds like night time is good just keep you are not alone we've sll been there. As for 45 min naps could it be overstimulation rather than tiredness that us causing the shorter naps?

[lily_layne]

(((hugs))) You're not doing anything wrong - parenting is hard and those new little people are hard to figure out!

I don't have a lot of answers for you, just some BTDT support.  I was in exactly the same boat as you when my LO was 2 months and I was desperately wanting predictability.  I spent hours and hours trying to figure out how to get consistent naps in.  Eventually, I just "gave in" and relaxed and things didn't seem so hard anymore.  I started each day by reminding myself that I really had no place important to be except with my LO and the lack of predictability didn't bother me so much anymore. Instead of thinking of a schedule with predictable times (which in hindsight I think my LO just wasn't ready for), I focused on the routine - EAS.  I also went easier on myself and gave up the guilt for the times when I rocked her to sleep, had her sleep in the swing, etc.  I had to work at relaxing (I'm a type A kind of person) but it was worth it - I was a lot less frustrated when the day didn't go according to plan and when DD woke up early from a nap.  Eventually (I think it was sometime between 3-4 months) her days started to become more predictable without a lot of effort from me.

People want to come over and visit with him but I have no idea when to tell them to come over because his naps are so inconsistent and by the time they get here he is ready to go back down again. 

This stressed me out also until I realized that most people understood if my LO was napping when they arrived and they were just as happy to have a visit with me (which helped improve my mood) and wait until my LO woke up or come again another day.

[dkelly718]

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement....I do feel that os might have something to do with it. I have noticed when there are a lot of people around he gets very cranky very quickly I just think he can't handle it. I do try and keep his activities light he is such an alert baby that everything is stimulating for him even changing his diaper is a party to him lol. Maybe I will try limiting his types of activities....I have been told that around 3-4 months it gets easier and most babies kind of put themselves on a schedule I just hope that my lo follows suit with that.

[lily_layne]

he is such an alert baby that everything is stimulating for him even changing his diaper is a party to him

Sounds exactly like my LO!  She entirely skipped the sleeply newborn stage:) 

I have been told that around 3-4 months it gets easier and most babies kind of put themselves on a schedule I just hope that my lo follows suit with that.

I'm sure he will.  Is he waking up at around the same time each day?

[*Becky*]

Hi there,
Sounds like he night be spirited? Have you done the 'know your baby' quiz.
Do you use black out blinds? white noise? Does he have a paci?

I have to say that at this age we did not have a consistent EASY either and for some lo's that is quite normal. It is a guide and something to aim for but try not to worry if it does not work out that way. As long as you are feeding on waking and then trying to allow some activity before sleep you will settle into more of a pattern soon.

We did not have a predictable EASY until more like 6 months and that is the same for some lo's.
I would try to do 1 nap out of the house so you can get out and about as this does save your sanity and it also gets lo used to sleeping in the car or buggy which is actually really useful.

Can you post your rough EASY for yesterday and I will take a look. xx

[dkelly718]

He might be spirited when  I took the quiz initially he was still really little so it was hard to answer some of the questions he was a mix but I remember reading the description and it kind of sounded like him.We do keep the room dark and use a white noise machine that has helped a lot....he used to cry hysterically every time he went to sleep and now he doesn't do that unless he is over tired...The paci we only use to put him to sleep initially if he really won't settle otherwise we use it to try and get him back to sleep which usually will work the only problem is is that we have to keep it in until he is in a really deep sleep otherwise if it falls out he will wake up. Yesterday actually was a pretty good day but again I usually get one every once in awhile
8am wake up and eat
A
S 9:00-10:50
E 11:00
A
S 11:50 This probably should have been longer but he was really tired and starting getting fussy (woke after 45 mins put paci in and stayed with him he fell back asleep until 1:15
E 1:30
A
S 2:30-3:30
A
E 4:15
A
S 5:00 I know this was too long but he wouldn't go down woke up after 30 mins
E 6:00
Bath, lotion pjs eat bed at 7:45


Thank you so much for your help

[*Becky*]

how are things - that day did not look too bad??

[dkelly718]

Yea that was a good day but I only get every now and again...honestly they aren't any better. I am getting so frustrated. Most of the time (not all the time) I can get a decent first nap but the rest of the day its usually 45 mins it doesn't matter how long the A time is. The problem I then run into is that he is suppose to eat either during the next nap or right before it. Therefore, I end up feeding him and putting him down. Also as the day goes on it gets harder and harder to put him to sleep. His last catnap can take up to an hour to put him down for. I am trying to be patient but its really hard and I am doing a lot of APOP which I don't want to do but even that doesn't always work. What I don't get is that there are some days where his A time will be like 45 mins and he will take a 2 hour nap and then I repeat that again the next day (based on his same cues) and it will be 45 mins again. I feel like I have a greater chance of winning the lottery than having my lo take 3 good naps in a day.

[*Becky*]

DS was like this, he would do a good nap first thing and then the rest were short but it did turn out to be UT. What did yesterday look like?

[dkelly718]

8:15 wake-up and eat
a
s 9:30- 10:30 tried to extend but couldn't
a 10:30
E 11:00
S 11:30 Tried to prevent accumulated OT
woke up at 11:45 back to sleep till 12:35 tried to extend till 1:00
A
E 1:30
A
S 2:00 I had him sleep on me still woke up at 2:50 but I got back to sleep quickly and slept till 4:10
A
E 4:30
A
S 5:35-6:00
E 6:15
A
lotion pjs eat asleep at 8:00 He had a really hard time going down I tried to get him asleep sooner but he wouldn't and then he was up all night 10:30, 11:30-1:00, 3:00-3:45, 5:30-6:00 and then up for the day at 8:15. I have no idea why he was up so much last night since I thought he had a pretty good day. He is napping now. I put him down a little earlier for his nap today because he seemed really tired and he didn't have a great night last night. No idea how long he will sleep for or if this was a good idea.

[lily_layne]

I put him down a little earlier for his nap today because he seemed really tired and he didn't have a great night last night. No idea how long he will sleep for or if this was a good idea.

That sounds like a good idea to me.  DD almost always has shorter A times after a bad night.  I hope you got a good nap.

[jessmum46]

Hi just popping in to offer another pair of eyes.  You've been having some great help already

How many weeks is LO now?

I agree totally with previous posters that often lowering our expectations of routine at this age is a massive help.  Some babies do naturally fall into a predictable routine early on, but from looking around this site, I would say that by far the majority don't.  Add to that the fact that short naps are a developmental phase which almost all LOs go through and it makes it a very stressful time for Mummy!  In fact I think it was exactly the issue you are having which led me to this site in the first place

I would say that if you have tried a variety of A times and still tend to get 45 minute naps (I presume you've seen this - Average A times and "Is my baby ready to increase A time?"), then it is most likely a developmental phase as LO hasn't yet worked out how to transition between sleep cycles without waking fully.  The key is learning how to work with it. 

There are things you can do to help try to extend naps e.g. shh pat as soon as LO starts to stir, applying gentle pressure to upper arms to prevent LO jolting awake, wake to sleep, even APOP for some naps (better than an OT baby in my book!) and working on settling independently at the start of naps will really help.  However, you may well have a period of time where short naps are all you get so it is totally fine (and normal at this age) to have an EASAES type pattern to the day.  If you're the kind of person that likes to have a plan, this can work:

Baby wakes for day - note time and feed e.g.7am
Note down time next feed due (10am) and next nap due (8.30am - using 1h30 A as an example)
Baby naps 8.30-9.15 - note time next nap due = 10.30am (shortened A to 1h15 because of short nap)
Feed at 10am, next feed due 1pm
Nap 10.30-11.15 - next nap now due 12.30 - ***potential clash*** as feed due when baby asleep - options are to give a small top up feed now so baby doesn't wake from next nap early due to hunger, or just let baby nap and feed when baby wakes

Etc etc

If you are getting to the afternoon and naps have been really short and LO is cranky, I would totally APOP a longer nap in the car, stroller etc to prevent major OT at BT. 

My only other thought would be to wonder if he has some sort of discomfort e.g. Reflux or gas which could be contributing to short naps or frequent night wakings?

(((Hugs))) I can honestly say that things have become easier as LO has got older and able to stay awake for longer periods.  Six months seems to be a big turning points for many so hang in there!

[dkelly718]

Thank you for you help...My lo is 10 weeks old so 6 month is a long ways to wait for this to get better. The thing is he can take longer naps usually once or twice a week he will take an 1.5-2 hour nap so he can make the transition sometimes. I have been trying a lot of those ways to extend naps i can usually get him to extend but it take me staying with him the rest of his nap and its so hard to get things done. I have been apop for maybe one nap a day I have tried the car he still wakes after 45 mins the only way I can get a decent nap is if he sleeps on me and even then he sometimes still wakes up but I can get him back down faster. Usually I can get him to fall asleep on his own for the first nap and depending on how that goes he gets harder and harder to settle as the day goes on making bedtime a complete nightmare every night. The issue I am having now and I know this doesn't fall under naps but he is waking at night every 2.5 hours but he isn't necessarily hungry I put the paci in and he falls back asleep but he has been doing it for the past 4-5 days he used to go anywhere between 5-7 hours before waking up not its every 2.5 is this because of the naps during the day? I thought maybe a gs but during the day he feeds every 3 hours and doesn't take in as much as he does at night. I really appreciate all the help I am just going crazy because I am so sleep deprived and frustrated.