Forever resettling and other nap/A time questions

[MamaLiz]

Hello,

I have a question about my 5 week old and resettling during naps.  It just seems that sometimes it takes forever.

After some trial and error, we are getting into a good groove, although I sometimes worry if she is sleeping too much.  We are falling into a 3 hour easy with some flexibility as she is still so young, and I also have a 2.5 year old.

So the issue is that during her naps, sometimes she takes 20-30+ minutes to resettle - she often is mostly content during this time, and goes from eyes open to eyes closed various times.  She squaks and mantra cries (just letting out one or two cries) now and then, but rarely needs me to go in.  Sometimes she doesn't resettle and I just go in and get her because it seems weird to have her sitting in there alone but awake all this time.  I know this maybe doesn't seem like an issue (and maybe it's not?), but I have two questions/concerns - the first is if it is normal for her to take this long and be more or less content for such a long time by herself?  I sometimes am worried that i am unintentionally ferberizing her or something. I have been working to teach her independent sleep, so maybe this is just part of it (I didn't start with BW until around 6 mo with DD1 and it took some time to fix all the AP).  How long is too long?  Do I go by the 40 minutes that I would be using if I were doing shh pat?  The second question is about the time she is resettling and if that is considered A or S?  I am asking for a couple different reasons - for looking at her total sleep (ie: is a two hour nap with 30 minutes of resettling really a 1.5 hour nap?) and also for the times that she doesn't resettle, does her A time for that cycle start when she first woke even though she was still kind of fading in and out for a time, or when i get her up?  I know I'm not supposed to clock-watch, and I am learning her cues, but sometimes her yawn or vocalizations come too late, and with a toddler, I have to be constantly planning ahead?  We had a very nasty day earlier this week with two 30 min naps and one 40 min and one 60 min - OT was soo out of control I couldn't reign it in and then BT took hours as well... I figured out (re-)reading lots of other posts that I was making the A times too long and needed to count 4s and time to fall asleep in A time - that made lots of difference and got us back on track the next day (thanks!).

Also - if I do count resettling as S - then is three 2 hour naps too much - I figured it was okay since it's usually not all time spent actually sleeping, but I don't want to get the naps so good/long that I mess up the night time sleep.  Let me know what you think about capping naps too.

I hope my questions are clear.  Let me know if I can clarify anything.  Here's our day in case that helps.  I've been focusing on not feeding to sleep, getting her to consolidate her feedings (sometimes we still have EAEAS) and figuring out cues and A times.  Sometimes the first or last nap (before cat nap) is short 45-60 min.  I guess I'm a bit confused as to if it is better to have consistent cycles or A times too.  Sorry for the length - I guess once I got going I had more questions than I thought. 

Thanks in advance!

Wake up 7:30
E 7:45
A 8:10
S 8:45-11:10 (this nap she stirred at an hour, but resettled rather quickly)
E 11:20
A 11:30
E 11:50
A 12:00
S 12:30-2:40 (this nap had a loooong resettling in the middle 30-40 min - I did go in 2 times to shhh and give paci)
E 2:50
A 3:00
E 3:10
A 3:25
S 4:00-5:05 (resettling a lot - never really slept after :40/:45- not sure if this should actually be considered a 45 min nap???)
E 5:10
A 5:20
E 5:50
A 6:00
S 6:10-7:05
E 7:15
A 7:25
E 7:55
A 8:05
S 8:35 (this wouldn't have been so late, but we had some difficulties with BT tonight for both kiddos with daylight savings.)

[*Becky*]

Hi there,
Ok well she is still so young so it probably will take a while to resettle her as she is learning how to do all these new things.....don't worry about her sleeping too much at this point though, just go with it.

I would not worry about leaving her if she is happy, that is great She is getting used to her cot and if content there is no problem. It would only be ferberizing if you were leaving her alone to cry
Having said that if she has not resettled before the next feed the is would be time to get her up.

As for the A time I would probably count all the time awake as A time at this age.
Sounds like you are doing really well but try not to expect too much at this age, she is so tiny and there is nothing AP wise you can do at this age that cannot be corrected yk?

How have the last day or two been?

[MamaLiz]

Thanks for the reply!

The last couple days have been okay - The timing is never consistent though and neither are the naps so i am always kind of guessing and winging it, which then seems to often end in OT naps which get progressively worse throughout the day - it's hard with two isn't it...

Thanks for reminding me it's okay to apop once in a while - I want to enjoy this time, but also need to teach sleep and want her to be pretty independent by the time I go back to work as I'm sure my daycare does not do these methods.  I have to make it work with two though as well, and that seems to be the toughest part.

One other thing that has cropped up is that some naps seem to get broken into two - instead of a nice decent 1.5-2 hour nap, I'll get a :30 and then a :40 with some A time in between.  Is this pretty standard?  I've only had 1-2 days with 3 or more good naps - usually two good naps and 1-2 broken naps or two short naps (that should have been better) and a cat nap. She just has so little A time now, and wakes at different times each day (I've thought about having a set wake time...) and from there it all depends on what happens with the naps. 

This perhaps doesn't belong here - but I also have found a pattern in her early AM sleep that is weird - she wakes for a feed 4-5, and then either has trouble going back down, or goes back down but then wakes 20-40 min later - I can get her back down (so far) but I can't figure this out - she is NOT ready to be up for the day, but has had this issue consistently for the past 4 days or so...

Thanks again for looking at all these issues with me!

[*Becky*]

The timing is never consistent though and neither are the naps so i am always kind of guessing and winging it, which then seems to often end in OT naps which get progressively worse throughout the day - it's hard with two isn't it...

yes and this really is pretty normal at this age tbh...not great I know but it happens.

I also have found a pattern in her early AM sleep that is weird - she wakes for a feed 4-5, and then either has trouble going back down, or goes back down but then wakes 20-40 min later - I can get her back down (so far) but I can't figure this out - she is NOT ready to be up for the day, but has had this issue consistently for the past 4 days or so...

DD did this and I think it is pretty common with lo's. Is she windy at all or in any discomfort?

[MamaLiz]

No, she's not windy or uncomfortable seeming, and I can't figure anything out that would be different from any other point in her nighttime sleep???  She's pretty easy to get back down - once she even took the paci and just let me lay a hand on her chest (she's in bassinet next to my bed so this means I don't even have to get up!), but usually doesn't want anything to do with a paci, and usually needs to be held and shh patted for a moment or two, which is fine, of course, but it usually coincides with when I am just getting back to sleep myself kwim?  Hmmmmm...

In any case, thanks for your responses - if you see or think of anything about that darn 5 AM business let me know.  I am so happy to be on maternity leave and hoem with my LOs and reconnecting with this community - it really did so much for me the first time around.  Thanks for all you do!

[*Becky*]

will do, it does seem to be the witching hour for a lot of babies...unfortunately mine did not grow out of it...yawn.