Author Topic: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy  (Read 7208 times)

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Offline Clairehv

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Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« on: March 15, 2013, 10:19:56 am »
Hi
Our 24 week old daughter has been bottle fed since 6 weeks old. We are on a 4 hour EASY.
She always took a bottle from me or her Dad but as is normal I definitely did the majority of the feeds as I am on mat leave and I think we got into a habit of me doing the bedtime bottle unless I was out.
She takes around 7-8 oz and settles into her cot awake and goes to sleep with no fuss normally.
Two weeks ago Daddy started the bedtime feed, she took 3 Oz then glanced up at him and went hysterical.
I was do shocked that I went upstairs and when she was passed to me she stopped crying and took the rest of her bottle. For the last two weeks we have tried every night for Daddy to do the bedtime feed and she just cries.
He gives her bottles in the day fine.
Do we persevere? Do we leave for a while and try again?. Any advice? If its a phase and she will grow out of it herself that is fine but when I go back to work my husband is going to have to do bed time as I travel.
Thanks for any help. None of my bottle feeding friends have experienced this
Claire




Offline *Kara*

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2013, 21:11:12 pm »
I am a SAHM so did bedtime feeds as well... we got much the same response from DD if anyone other than momma did her feed too.. we just left it as it wasn't a bother for me... if I wasn't home though, she would take the feed no issue.

When do you go back to work?



Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2013, 17:22:59 pm »
I don't go to work for a few months but would really like the option of both of us being able to do bedtime sooner than that. I would like to go out occasionally :)
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2013, 20:24:41 pm »
Have you tried having him give her the bottle with you in the room?



Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2013, 09:38:45 am »
Hi
Yes we tried for 7 nights. We tried with me in the room, out of the room. My husband holding her whilst I held the bottle and him just sitting next to me.
She takes a bottle from him in the day just not at bedtime.

We are giving it a rest for a few days and then he is just going to do every feed at the weekend and I am not going to intervene. If she gets hungry enough I presume she'll take it!
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2013, 05:19:13 am »
You may be surprised at how stubborn she can be ;) 



Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2013, 10:16:19 am »
Ok. Any suggestions then on how to approach it. Do we just have to do cold turkey I.e me not go in at all or are there any other 'softer' approaches.

Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2013, 23:55:21 pm »
Let's see how she does first...



Offline Shiv52

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2013, 00:00:57 am »
I think the best thing you can do is let DH get on with it if its his night. They need to work out their own way of doing things. Your DH will work out his own routine of comforting her and getting her settled to bed. My DD1 did this for months and I did a lot of rescuing in the first few weeks and I think had I not done that and let DH work through it, it wouldn't have lasted as long.





Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2013, 18:59:30 pm »
Thank you.
Kara when you have said lets see how she does' what do you mean? That we should continue to persevere ?

Erin, yes I think I am definitely going to have to be out of the way and just leave DH to it. He is fully up for trying and just dealing with the consequences but I would have to be out of the house as I don't think I could bear to listen!
Claire




Offline Shiv52

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2013, 19:38:42 pm »
If I were you I would go out. As bad as my DD was if I wasn't in she actually let DH put her to bed no bother. I wonder would your LO be the same?





Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2013, 20:29:12 pm »
We can keep our fingers crossed. The last time DH took DD up for bath and bedtime and I didn't even go upstairs. She was fine for him as normal throughout bath and dressing right up to the feeding stage. She started taking the bottle then stopped looked at DH and started crying. I left them 20 mins for him to try and settle her but in the end just went upstairs. She stopped crying as soon as he passed her to me. She finished her bottle and settled fine.
To be honest we didn't try again at the weekend as DH was going to be away for 4 nights so I thought if we are going to try he then needs to be able to do a few nights in a row.
Anyway here's hoping she decides that she is fine with him.
Claire




Offline Shiv52

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #12 on: March 21, 2013, 21:10:09 pm »
Fingers crossed. They are such funny wee things aren't they?  My DD1 was a total mummy's girl but my DD2 is a total daddy's girl. And she will not have a bar of me putting her to bed. She is asleep for DH in about 5 minutes. When its me it is an hour of nonsense!  DH is out tomorrow night and I've been dreading putting her to bed all week. And she's 2.5!





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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #13 on: March 22, 2013, 05:16:01 am »
Kara when you have said lets see how she does' what do you mean? That we should continue to persevere ?

We are giving it a rest for a few days and then he is just going to do every feed at the weekend and I am not going to intervene. If she gets hungry enough I presume she'll take it!


^^  This :)  I would see how she does with him as her only source of food for a day and see if it changes her BT bottle reluctance.

Agree with Shiv - go out when he does BT.  She may be more willing to accept him if she knows you are not an option.



Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2013, 21:40:24 pm »
Hi Kara and Shiv,
Due to the awful weather over here I haven't been able to disappear out for BT but last night DH got the full bottle into DD before she cried and then I helped settle her before her did final cuddle and into cot.

Tonight he did everything and she settled fine in cot after a few cuddles from him. I stayed in room but didn't speak or interfere at all.

Tomorrow he is going to BT without me in room but fingers crossed she was just having a weird few days. Doesn't it feel like it will never end when you are living it though ?

Thanks for the advice I am sure I will be back x
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #15 on: March 25, 2013, 05:13:44 am »
Doesn't it feel like it will never end when you are living it though ?

^^ oh yes!

I would just keep on moving towards your goal... babies are good with change if it's done gradually and consistently ;)



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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #16 on: March 27, 2013, 05:38:01 am »
How is it going ?



Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2013, 14:50:57 pm »
Hi Kara,
Sorry I haven't responded I hadn't seen that you had posted.
Well it's been slow progress. He is managing to get more of the bottle into her but she still doesn't settle as well and tends to cry. If he goes back in to settle and reassure she gets herself very worked up. With me she usually does full bottle, has a cuddle, goes into cot awake wake and is usually fine or just has an additional cuddle maybe 5 mins later.

It is improving though. I am out on the 29th of this month so they will both have to just manage :)

My bigger issue at the moment is her still waking in the night for a bottle! Ha looking to crack this issue soon as I want a nights sleep please :)

How are you ?
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #18 on: May 12, 2013, 03:42:49 am »
Slow and steady - she will get there!

A night feed is still "normal" at her age... how much is she taking during the day?  Does she take a good feed overnight and go right back to sleep?  Is the time random?  Have you started solids yet?



Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #19 on: May 12, 2013, 13:28:10 pm »
Hi Kara,
She's 7.5 months now. She is on solids, three meals a day with 3 bottles a day.
We have never done a DF so didnt want to start introducing that. and yes her night waking has been random but usually some point between 1am and 4am. If I try to not offer a bottle she just continues moaning, 50 mins is all I have managed without resorting to bottle. She takes between 5-7 oz on the night feed. I definitely feel it is affecting her day intake and a few mornings she has completely refused morning bottle and breakfast.
I have started to reduce the amount I offer in the night so have been doing a max of 5 oz's although last night she only took 2oz. She had eaten really well yesterday though.

With the reduced amount she often drains the bottle but still just settles straight back to sleep.

Thanks Claire
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #20 on: May 13, 2013, 03:43:21 am »
Are the 3 daytime bottles all 8ozs? 

Given that the wake up is random, I do suspect it is hunger driven.. I would just try limiting it to 4 ozs for a few nights, then reduce down to 3ozs for a few more... see if that helps her shift the milk to day time.

The other thing you could do is move her back to 4 bottles... she is a bit young to be down to 3 without a night feed.  Not just for the volume but also for the fluid intake...  she may actually be waking for fluids and not so much the milk, if you know what I mean...  three meals a day is a fair bit for her age as well. 

I would be tempted to move her back to 4 bottles a day... you could offer 6 ozs in each of the first 3 then up to 8 ozs for the last one... if you don't think she will take them, I would cut her last solids meal of the day.



Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #21 on: May 24, 2013, 14:05:47 pm »
Hi Kara, we were without Internet for a while there so apologies I haven't responded.
We'll have to change the name of the thread although still haven't conquered daddy bedtime yet!
We have been having some good days with good eating and naps. On Monday she actually went from 7-7 so I am just accepting the one wake up when it happens but limiting the amount of formula offered. I am hoping that she'll just naturally stop.
I have realised that despite books etc I can't control everything and whilst she pretty much fits with the bw plan, if she needs that nighttime drink so be it.
She has been so much happier since 6 months anyway that just trying to enjoy things rather than stressing all the time.

She is 8 months on Monday I can't believe it. Have to make the most of the next 4 months before work reality strikes.
How old are your little ones ?

X
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #22 on: May 25, 2013, 21:13:04 pm »
SO many really settle a bit once they hit the 6 month mark - mine did!

I just have one so far - she's will be 31 months on the 10th ;)



Offline Clairehv

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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #23 on: May 26, 2013, 08:59:26 am »
Oh I bet your little one is lots of fun and you are past the daytime nap stress :) lucky you!

Our issues just keep mounting. We have now had 3 back to back 5.30am starts :(
As well as not going to bed for daddy and the NW. Oh well we are trying to laugh through it!
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2013, 04:11:30 am »
We have now had 3 back to back 5.30am starts

I am proud to say that I survived 3 months of 5am starts ;)



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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #25 on: May 28, 2013, 07:22:32 am »
Arrrrggh! Don't wish that on me. Ha ha. Did it just get later in time? Did that through your whole day out?.
We got to 6.15am this morning which is great.

And can I just say a big yippee :) Daddy has done two successful bedtimes in a row. Yes she has cried more but he has got the bottle into her and she has settled for him without too much fuss. Phew just in time for my evening out tomorrow.

Thanks for your support Kara x
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #26 on: May 29, 2013, 04:27:31 am »
Did it just get later in time? Did that through your whole day out?.

Nope.  Not until she dropped to one nap at 11.5 months ;)  I shifted her day so that she woke at 6am... she was one of those kids that just did better with two good naps and a shorter night.  She moved to two naps at 5 months and she took a nap from 8-10 and another 1-3pm.  Night was 7-5am.  Sucked but she was always a happy baby.. . Her naps shortened around 8 months to 90 mins each and she slept 8-6am overnight.. once we moved to one nap, she napped 11-2pm and slept 7-630/7am :)  I really couldn't complain given that she slept through 10hrs a night without waking from 18 weeks of age :)



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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #27 on: May 29, 2013, 07:03:24 am »
Hi, that sounds good! I could cope with 8pm-6am every night. Was up from 2am-4am last night with her. Maybe teeth and that was after 2 STTN :(
Who knows what makes these babies do what they do :)

I am slowly pushing her on in A time so hopefully we'll get to three hours awake soon

Take care
Claire x
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #28 on: May 30, 2013, 21:56:59 pm »
Could be teeth or it could be UT at bedtime ;)



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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #29 on: June 15, 2013, 09:18:31 am »
Hi Kara,
We are just back from our two week holiday in Spain. The good news is Daddy did alternate BT nights and she went down fine for either of us,
The main issue was keeping her asleep. Woke twice a night for a fortnight ( with the exception of two nights where she slept 12 hours).
She was generally waking at 11pm and 3/4am and would only settle with a bottle.
So I have a great suntan which is thankfully hiding the bags under my eyes ;)

How does her being UT at bedtime affect the nights? Trying to work out if it is that, genuine thirst from being in a warm place, hunger or teeth?
Back home yesterday and she was definitely tired enough at BT. Had 7/8 oz at BT but woke at 1.30am and did 6oz, then woke at 5am but I ignored and I think she resettled. Then woke properly at 6.15am

Hope you are well?
Claire




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Re: Refusing bedtime bottle from Daddy
« Reply #30 on: June 16, 2013, 03:48:51 am »
I wouldn't doubt it was thirst from the heat....

Was she STTN without a feed when you left to go on holidays?  If so, start reducing how much you give her if she wakes in the night.