Extending 45 minute naps not working - almost 3 MO

[Dairy Queen]

I have been reading up on extending naps on this forum and have tried all sorts of different tricks.  DS is now 11 weeks old and naps have progressively gotten shorter and shorter and I'm lucky if I can get one that goes beyond the 45 minute mark per day.  Because he wakes crying (or cranky), I can only assume that he needs more sleep.  I then spend a lot of time and energy (and patience) trying to put him back using the shush-pat method.  Sometimes, after 20 minutes or so or shush-pat, he might go back down, but only for another 40 minutes.  However, I can usually tell whether he will be able to go back to sleep (because his body will eventually melt in my arms) versus a failed attempt (his body just gets stiff, he is agitated and starts to wail).

He wakes around 7:45am and our day looks something like this. 
E 8:00
S 9:00 (I start the process earlier, as soon as I see signs of fatigue or crankiness, but this is when he falls asleep)
He wakes at 10:00 am.  Activity time until next feed, but it's hard to keep him up until 11.

E 10:45
S 11:30
He then wakes at 12:15.  If I can't put him back down, then we have activity time until 1:00pm (only 2.5 hours after his previous feed, but I can't hold him much longer without having him fall asleep on the breast).  Sometimes, he can sleep 90 minutes, which puts us back on a 3-hour EASY.

E 1:00 (by this time, he is a little tired... but he still eating pretty efficiently)
S: 2:15
He then wakes at 3pm...   

Another 45 minute nap from 4:30pm - 5:15pm.

Until 7pm where he is out for the night.  DF at 9:30pm.  NF at 4:30am.

I try not to overstimulate him during A times.  I do the 4S before every nap.  I shush-pat, try the pacifier (which he typically spits out).  Sometimes a 'top-up' feed before going to sleep (like in Josie's post), although in my case, he usually won't take it or he'll end up overfed and spitting up.  The room is dark, no mobiles.  Extending A times has not worked.  He just ends up super cranky and crying before I put him down. 

The problem is that when he is cranky, he needs to be held a lot.  I can't really put him down whithout having him fuss.  However, if he has slept well (which he used to do until 2-3 weeks ago), then he's an angel and he can amuse himself.

What am I doing wrong here?  I know around 6 months, things do settle down and naps generally get better, but that seems so far away right now, as I scramble to get things done in 40-minute windows

Any advice would be great.
Sherry

[jessmum46]

Hi Sherry,

You're right that this is a really tricky time for naps, and despite our best efforts sometimes babies will only do short naps during this phase.  The important thing to remember is just that - it is a phase and it will get better . Until then though there are a few things I would suggest.  First is not to spend all day trying to extend naps - you will drive yourself mad.  I would give it 15-20 mins max to try to resettle, and if its not happening then just get LO up and move on with the day. 

Second, listen really carefully to the cry LO is making when he wakes.  Is is really an 'I need you' cry or could it be a mantra cry?  Is it escalating?  It's so easy to rush in too quickly when LO wakes and not take a minute to slow down and listen to the cry.  Obviously if it an 'I need you' the you are doing the right thing by being there and helping LO, but if its not an escalating cry just try hanging back a little and you may be surprised that LO can resettle himself.

Third, is LO going to sleep independently yet at the start of naps?  Continuing to focus on this will help with transitioning between sleep cycles over time.

Lastly, A times are really important.  At 3 months an average would be around 1h20-30 mins.  Your first nap of an hour after 1h15 mins A time suggests to me that you need to increase a touch.  You say it's hard and he gets cranky - that is normal and to be expected as you increase A time.  Just do 5 mins extra and keep it really low key e.g. Quiet cuddle or a walk round the garden, and hold the new time for 3-4 days before increasing again.

Hope some of that helps

[Georgena]

Hi, im not much help but i just wanted to say that i am going through the exact same thing at the moment with my nearly 12week old DD and yes, its frustrating!! Last week i was trying to extend every nap and that drove me a bit mad so I've decided to try and just work on the first morning nap starting with A times, and letting the others be for now, she has started to resettle at least 1 nap a day now and i figured that out cos when she started crying i was in the shower, so jumped out and by the time i dried off and got to her she was asleep again, so yes, for sure hang back a bit!
And yes, the 6 month mark does seem like a long way away but all i can think is how quickly these first 3 months have passed and we will be there before we know it,probably wishing it would slow down!!!
Georgena :-)

[deb]

If he needs to be held so much, I'm wondering if here's an element of reflux there - that was part of our problem with Josie too, only the doctors dismissed it as a concern before then and reflux wasn't addressed at all in Tracy's first book - it wasn't til I came here to BW that I even heard of it as a problem and it explained everything: the fountains of milk, the not wanting to be horizontal, the poor sleep, the works.

In the Colic Reflux Crying board there's a Reflux 101 post - see if anything there raises any red flags for you. If he's in pain, there's no point trying to do BW sleep training. :\

Found the post - here it is Reflux 101 - General reflux information

[Dairy Queen]

Hi there
Ok so some of the reflux stuff does ring a bell (like the fussiness!) but why is it that DS would then consistently wake after 40 minutes?  I mean, the time the pain would occur would fluctuate I would think, no?

Also, and I'm not sure what this means... But other than the morning wake up, after his daytime naps, he consistently wakes up crying.  There is no cooing and looking around in his crib (like in the morning wake up) but rather discomfort cries that lead (within 1 minute) to intense crying if not addressed.

Any ideas what this implies?

He's also gotten harder to put down at night.  Crying, then sleeping and then waking after 10 minutes, more crying, sleeping, waking etc, for 45 minutes.  Then, he is finally out until his DF.

[deb]

The waking after 40 minutes is because even though he wears out after only an hour, it's *only* an hour so not really long enough for him to be tired enough to sleep through another sleep cycle - especially if there's reflux pain going on.

The crying is likely because despite that, he's probably still OT. You know like when you wake in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep for love nor money even though you're still exhausted? Like that.

Part of that problem is the 4:30 NF, or it was in our case at least. Once we got that eliminated - the DF helped to break the cycle, but some people try wake to sleep - just slightly stroke him while he's deeply sleeping and it can "reset" the sleep cycle so he's not at the same part of the sleep cycle at the regular 4:30-ish waking time - to break that cycle. Tracy explained that once Josie woke for that feed, she did go back to sleep but not the deep kind of sleep that night sleep was, but a lighter sleep, so she would still be waking tired around 7AM, not fully rested, which set up the short first A time and then the rest of the day.

If possible, for his first A time, can you stay in his room with him and see how long you can keep him awake? The first day I tried that, I think we managed an hour and 15 minutes (maybe an hour and 10 LOL), but it was a start. I could keep it nice and low key that way, AND I got to watch all the stages of her sleepy cues up close and could usually manage to keep her from getting cranky and setting up bad sleep. (the key word here is "usually" LOL)

Other than that 4:30 waking, what's the night sleep like? Does he sleep through the dream feed?

[Dairy Queen]

Ok, so I did exactly what you recommended.  I extended the first A to 1hr20min.  He was fussing until I swaddled him and darkened the room.  He fell asleep in my arms and I put him down.  He cried.  I picked him up, comforted him and put him back down.  He shifted around while I made a shhhhh sound and then went to sleep.  At 40 minutes, he shifted around again and then went back to sleep.  We got 2 sleep cycles :-). Hurray!

As for nighttime, although it is hard for him to settle down and finally go to sleep, he doesn't wake up.  I DF at around 9:30 or 10 pm (he sleeps through it) and then straight until 4:30am.  He then feeds and goes back down, typically easily.  NF occurs somewhere between 4 and 5am.

Should I work on eliminating the NF?

Also, where do I start for the settling for nighttime sleep, without having to resort to APing?

Thanks for your fabulous advice :-)

[Dairy Queen]

Oh... One more question... Is W2S advisable for extending 40 minute naps, and if so, how many minutes into the nap should I be lightly waking DS?

[deb]

 Tbh, i never had luck with w2s; maybe Josie was too Touchy? But not sure i can advise in that dept.

For now I'd try to get some longer blocks of A and S for the day when you can and it may positively affect his night sleep. I have to head out to work shortly and no BW access there but will try to check in after i get home. Good luck!!! Crossing my fingers for you!

[Dairy Queen]

Hi
OK, so I adjusted the first A time to 1h20 min in the am and DS napped for slightly under 2 hours!! Hurray!
As for A time number 2, I also made the adjustment.  He woke after 40 minutes, but I picked him up, did shhhh-pat and he fell asleep in my arms.  I put him back in the crib and he slept for another hour.
A time 3 is a little harder because the household is waaaaay busier and it is almost impossible for me to go into DS's room without being interrupted.  So when he woke after 40 minutes, I just picked him up.  So his last nap was from 4:05 - 4:45.  I fed him, took him out for a stroll, bathed him and then prepped him for bed.  At 6:30 he was really tired and I put him down, he woke up after 10 minutes, crying.  I calmed him and put him down again and the cycle continued aout 5-6 times.  Each time with intense crying unless I picked him up.  That lasted until 7:30pm.  Then, he finally went to sleep.

Ugh... I am really tired now.  Not sure I'll make it until the 9:30pm DF :-)

Any advice or suggestions on the nighttime settling?  Is it just a phase and it will be ok once the naps are longer?

[deb]

We found that as the daytime sleep improved, her night sleep was more settled as well. My theory is that she was running on adrenaline and therefore not able to settle and sleep well at night. Sort of like if we'd have coffee in the later afternoon or evening - even if we got to sleep, not likely to be good restorative sleep.