What age should I reasonably expect him to feed himself?

[Hedgehog17]

Up until now I've been cutting DS a lot of slack on feeding himself, as he's capable but lazy, and he'd rather not eat than feed himself a lot of the time 

His keyworker at nursery thinks that he should be feeding himself rather better than he does, but I don't know what else to try 

DS was slow to use a spoon, but eventually with a lot of practise he got it, and progressed quickly onto using a fork. We always gave him tons of encouragement and praise for using his cutlery and he seemed to be really proud of himself, and insisted he do it rather than let us help him 

Then he decided he couldn't be bothered - 'Mama do it', fork or spoon dropped, using his hands to eat if it was something he liked and just pushing the plate away if it was something he was less keen on. He goes through phases of eating well and then hardly eating, of using his spoon and fork really well then not wanting to... very contrary toddler 

He's going through a big regression at the moment (doesn't want to use the potty or toilet at all, just wants nappies, wants carried a lot, somewhat clingy) so I haven't been pushing him. He started nursery for 2 mornings a week 3 weeks ago (no other big changes) and he's been unwell for most of the last month (picking up all the nursery germs) so I think that's all it is. The nursery think he might need some help with his self feeding skills (or lack of) but I'm not sure if he is really behind or if he's just being a bit awkward right now 

He's currently 2y7mo, so should I expect him to be feeding himself reliably and consistantly by now?

[creations]

Just approaching 2y 4 months so a little younger. DS uses a fork and spoon very well and will use a knife hand over hand at the beginning of a meal with me to cut anything that needs cutting.  But he also still chooses to use his fingers and I have no problem with that. I do sometimes suggest he uses his fork, with slippery things or with beetroot, or when he wants his hands washed every 2 seconds because he doesn't like being dirty.  Sometimes he follows the advice and uses his fork, other times he says no he wants to eat with his fingers.  He will ask for help and might get a bit impatient for help if he isn't being successful with stabbing (yk when they stab and then the food falls back off) and I do help but I don't feed him.  I think phases are totally normal with any aspect of learning.
Sounds quite similar then, I wouldn't be all that worried about it, but it is very very rare for me to feed DS, maybe the odd fork full here and there but he has always self fed.

[We Three]

Amelia was pretty proficient at age 2 with spoon and fork, tbh she still could use some work on the knife....but then I have to stop cutting her food for her....which I always do just out of habit!

But you say he is regressing, and it could be he just needs you at the moment. I remember reading once that the birth of a sibling and the start of school are the 2 most monumental events in a young child's life, and not to underestimate how they can affect a lo.

I might try to do a combo of feeding and self feeding, yk? Something yummy like applesauce....give him a spoonful yourself, and then just pop up to go to the sink or something, making it clear you'll be right back...he might be willing to do it himself if he thought you weren't UNwilling, yk?

[cath~]

DS uses a fork and spoon very well ...  But he also still chooses to use his fingers and I have no problem with that. I do sometimes suggest he uses his fork, with slippery things or with beetroot, or when he wants his hands washed every 2 seconds because he doesn't like being dirty. 

This is just like L and I too!

I just let her choose how she wants to eat but make suggestions if I think cutlery might be more appropriate.  It's up to her if she follows them or not though.

She does often ask for help to get the 'last scrapings' though, e.g. porridge, yoghurt - she wants to get the plate/bowl 100% clean sometimes and if there is anything left on the dish she wants to eat it.  I don't mind helping with that since it is quite tricky (well, impossible really) to get absolutely everything up with a spoon.

HH - it sounds like it is perhaps more about him not *wanting* to feed himself atm rather than not being able to do you think?  If so, I agree to just go with it at the moment and provide whatever extra 'mothering' he wants/needs.  He will most likely reach a point where he wants to do it himself again out of wanting to be independent don't you think? 

Also, I know with L that if I refused to help her with something she would only ask for help more.  But if I always help when she asks, she actually asks much less for help cos she knows I will help (with whatever it is) if she asks.  Does that make sense?

[Hedgehog17]

Thanks ladies 

I have been helping him rather than insist he does it himself, trying to put hand over hand rather than just feed him, unless I'm trying to be quick / not too messy if we have to be elsewhere soon 

He's been a bit better this week and is currently happily feeding himself with angel delight using a teaspoon 

I think there has been a bit more developmental stuff going on (there's such a lot of it at this age  ) as he's now going up to the blackboard and drawing stuff with the chalk - "This is a cat Mama, this is his tail, here's his claws" and he's getting good at making various marks. He's also started using my strawberry huller as tweezers to lift his pom poms successfully at last  So it looks like we can expect a regression in an area he's about to develop in from now on 

I don't mind babying him a bit, as it looks like he's going to be our only LO (having no success ttc  ), but I don't want the nursery dropping an occupational therapist on him if there isn't really any need!

[anna*]

My kid definitely wasn't feeding himself reliably and consistently at 2.5. Not even at 3.5. Maybe at 4.5? Even then if it was something he didn't much like/want I could get him to eat it by shovelling it in him myself. It's like putting on shoes. My 5 year old can definitely put on his own shoes... but does he put his own shoes on 100% of the time? No, he does not. 'Can' and 'do' so often do not go hand in hand. 'Can' is just a set of physical skills. 'do' also requires motivation.

[Solene]

Mine has been feeding themselves from they started solids since we used BLW.
It would never even occur to me to feed my 2 year old.
And I'm the weird one? Yeah well.

[C&B&E]

What happens when you just leave him to it? Would he eat with his hands or is it just cutlery he won't use? 

[anna*]

Oh yes Audrey is BLW and wouldn't let me feed her if I wanted to. I guess as well it depends what you means by feed himself. At this age for sure he can feed himself the foods he likes in the quantities he wants - but that may not correspond with what YOU want him to feed himself!

[Hedgehog17]

What happens when you just leave him to it? Would he eat with his hands or is it just cutlery he won't use? 

If he's having an off day, he'll cry and fuss and insist until I feed him 

He will happily feed himself angel delight (his favourite dessert) and will eat any sort of cake or biscuit with his fingers any time it is offered. He will sometimes happily spoon feed himself (if he's hungry) porridge, yoghurt, or even scrambled egg. He will use his fork about half the time with fish fingers or other forkable foods he likes. Veg he tends to grab with his hands, even really small bits 

He's just really inconsistant... but then he is a toddler 

I have tried being a bit slow which sometimes encourages him to feed himself, as he realises he'll get it quicker if he doesn't wait for Mama to do it  This only works if he's hungry or really wants the food though!

I have to spoon protein into him sometimes otherwise he would not get enough, and he's a growing boy. He put on half a kilo in weight and 2cm height over the last 2 months (he's just under the 50th centile for both) having had a bit of a plateau just after his 2nd birthday. He's never been particularly interested in food and didn't eat much until he was over 2yo, as he's MPI and had silent reflux, so he equated eating with pain when he was younger  Now he's outgrown the reflux and is able to tolerate small amounts of dairy, so he's got more food options 

My mum says I was feeding myself well before I was 2yo, but I think that like with everything else, every child is different!

[creations]

It doesn't sound to me like he needs any additional help like an OT (not that I know anything about it!), it just sounds like he wants you to feed him to have some one to one attention.  DS has always self fed, fingers or fork etc, but just yesterday I barely got a mouthful of my own dinner.  We had spag bol and DS started the meal using fingers happily enough, then asked for help, he held his fork in the spag and was saying 'twist twist'. He began with polite requests and I helped him by twisting a fork full of spag which he took off me and fed himself, but by the time I had hold of my own fork he wanted help again.  So he *could* have self fed with his fingers but he wanted to use the fork and learn the skill of twisting it on which is simply beyond him at this point. I'm sure he also enjoyed the attention he was getting and that this is normal, just as normal for a LO who has been spoon fed by mummy to want that sometimes.
When I was a kid I asked my mum to chop up canned spam into cubes and put it on a saucer on the floor so I could eat like a cat   Phases of development are very back and forth I think.