11.5 month old long NW

[lize566]

So my ds has never stn but we have finally gotten down to just 1 waking. However, it is usually 1+ hrs to get him back down. His schedule is as follows
 
Wake 7:15/7:30
Nap 9:15-10
Nap 1-3
Sometimes he falls asleep otw home, like last night we were out and he slept from roughly 5:15-5:35
Bed 7:5/7:30

I know his first A time should be longer, but the babysitter doesn't have a better time for him to go down (it's an in home Ctr and she is limited on where she can put him with the other kids) plus she is trying to shorten the am nap until he just needs 1 nap. Part of me suspects that he may be ready for that, but he isn't en close to making it until his pm nap.

He is on 3 solid meals plus snack and gets a bottle before every meal and bedtime. He goes to sleep on his own at daycare and sometimes for naps at home, but when I lay him down awake he screams bloody murder until I pick him up. I will not do CIO, although I will let him cry for 10 minutes or so, it's just hard to listen to bc he gets so worked up and angry.

Our problem is between 3-5 am he almost always wakes for 1.5 hrs or so. I give him 2 oz which he usually takes and I've been giving Tylenol bc he seems to have teeth coming in but I've thought that for weeks now and he has nothing showing. Sometimes he will just babble for a while until he gets sick of it then cries, other times he wakes up screaming. I always wait until its a real cry to go in. He always lays awake for a while and is sometimes really restless, like smacking at my face or pulling at my hair and shirt. Not angrily, just fidgety. I lay him down and sometimes he will quiet down but I hear him moving and talking. Then it starts all over again, until he finally falls asleep and I can lay him down for good.

Any thoughts on this? I know he needs to go down awake, which will help, I just dread doing it right now. I'm a teacher so once I'm out for the summer I will work on that but these NW had gotten better but now they are super long again. Please help!!

[PaulsMom]

Hi there.

I agree with you when you say that his first A time should be longer....  At 11.5 mo, he should be around 4 hrs so the 2 hr A time is a likely cause of the nw.  Is there any way that the sitter can put him down later in the morning?

From reading your post, I am assuming that you are usually holding him while he falls asleep.  I understand how hard it is to do sleep training when you are also working.  Rather than sleep training at night (which is the worst), can you work on this for naps?  You mention that he some times goes down on his own for naps at home so this is a good start.  I would work on developing a way of soothing him in his crib for naps and then start using this at night once it's working for naps.  You also mention that he's fidgety at night.  Does he have a lovey? Some babies want to rub or tough something as a way of self soothing so i'm wondering if this is what he's trying to do. 

WRT crying... please don't let him cry for 10 min if he's getting worked up.  It is making things more difficult for both of you.  you can leave him if he's chatty or babbling but once he's crying and getting upset, I would go to him to reassure him that you are there for him. 

HTH

[lize566]

He gets up at 7:30, son4 hr A time puts him right at 11:30 which is lunch time so that won't work. I think we are just going to work on eliminating that nap as opposed to moving it back and shortening his PM
Nap.

Yes he has a blanket that I use every night ad try to give to him to rub but he still goes for my hair, etc.

I don't usually let him cry that long, but he needs a chance to self soothe doesn't he? If I'm in yere he just stands there and screams just as much for me to pick him up. And he has 2 volumes-completely fine and an urgent mad scream. There is no in between. I would much prefer to not let him cry but given there is no in between, I don't know how to do this.

And I will be more vigilant at laying him down awake for naps. And I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but I also have an almost 3 year old, and my husband works 3rd shift so he sleeps during the day even on weekends, so I don't even have a ton of time to devote to this bc my other DS wants/needs my attention. Any suggestions there?

Thanks for the help!

[katie80]

I don't usually let him cry that long, but he needs a chance to self soothe doesn't he? If I'm in yere he just stands there and screams just as much for me to pick him up. And he has 2 volumes-completely fine and an urgent mad scream. There is no in between. I would much prefer to not let him cry but given there is no in between, I don't know how to do this.

Yes you need to give him a chance to self soothe... if he's moaning, fussing, or mantra crying it is right to leave him.  But if his cry escalates, you need go to him right away. We don't condone leaving a genuinely crying baby for any reason. Leaving him will just make it more difficult for both of you, as PaulsMom has said, and can add to separation anxiety at this age.  I'm sure when you're in there he's more upset that you're not picking him up rather than you being there, because he's used to falling asleep in your arms.  I'd go in and say your sleep phrase and either sit near the crib, patting the mattress for him to lie down and go to sleep or sit near the door and settle him with your voice.  It may take a little while the first few nights, but he will get it rather quickly.  Is there anyone who could help give you a break during the day on the weekends, so you can work on this at night?

As for the naps, if you can't change the times, I'd at least cut the morning one down to 30min, 9:30-10am.  I think it's most likely the routine, i.e. a bit too much day sleep and not enough A that is causing the NWs rather than his ability to self-soothe.  But, I do think it's worth putting him down awake for naps and BT when you're ready. If he can do it sometimes, he can do it all the time with the right routine.

(((Hugs))), it's tough to have a LO waking at night and more-so when you're always the one to deal with it.

[PaulsMom]

Hugs, it's hard when you have to look after two and have you DH sleeping during the day! 

Wrt the blanket.  Have you slept with the blanket so it has your scent on it?  I did this with my DS's lovies and then made sure he had them when falling asleep.  Or, I know that there is another mom on the boards who took a lock of her hair and attached it to a teddy bear because her Lo was also grabbing her hair.  Getting him something for him to self soothe on is important for getting him to self settle. 

Wrt your DS, this is tough because he's still so young.  What time does he nap or has he dropped his last nap?  I have to admit with my DS, I turned on a tv show while I was sleep training my dd  .  Not great but it gave me the time to train her (my DS was also 4 yo so could be left on his own for longer than an almost 3 yo).   are any quiet activities that your DS can do...  Eg. Colouring, play dough, stickers, audio-tape/cd books, etc. which could buy you some time.

[lize566]

The 30 min nap is exactly what we did today. Last night he got up at 11:15, took 2 oz quickly I gave him Tylenol, laid him down and he screamed so DH went in settled him and laid him down. He prep tested for a minute then went to sleep until 6:40 then we were up for the day. So not a bad night overall!

Wrt the crying-I don't plan on leaving him to cry, but he seriously only has one cry and its awful, so he rarely gets left to cry. I totally get it but sometimes I need a minute, especially when he's being really fidgeting.

My older one is usually really good and I trust to leave in the living room for a little bit. I also use the tv often to occupy him-this one has been high needs for the get go. But I feel guilty and I know he wouldn't play by himself as long as it would take me to get DS down.

My husband is off 2 nights, so he could potentially help those 2 nights, but his sleep schedule is really messed up so if I wake him up he usually won't go back to sleep so then he sleeps during the day and I'd rather have him awake with us during the day.

So I think I'm going to really work on the routine over the weekend and stay consistent with daycare and see if that makes a difference. Thanks ladies

[PaulsMom]

hugs and good luck.  Let us know how things are going.