Help with 2yr old screaming at BT - lots of change happening

[roimata9]

Hi,
We're having problems again with our spirited/touchy boy 
We are about to go overseas for 3 months, and have moved in with my parents for a while before we leave. We have had lots of problems leaving DS since he was about 18months, but had got to the point where we could leave him and walk out and he would fall asleep. The first few nights at my parents' were fine, but he has since started really resisting BT.
We have tried staying in his room with him, thinking he just needed a bit more security with the changes, but now even that's not working. He will scream and cry with us in there, if we do wi/wo he won't settle when we go back in, he will just keep screaming if we don't pick him up. Last night the only way I could get him to lie down and relax was to hold his hand - but I couldn't keep that position as he's in a portacot and it was really uncomfortable. Does that mean separation anxiety?
Any ideas? I really want to get this sorted before we go overseas - it's such a time buster at the moment!
Here is our routine:
7am WU
12:30 put into bed for nap - on a good day is asleep at 12:50
WU usually 2:20, will wake by 2:30 if not.
5:30 dinner, bath quiet play
7pm go into bedroom for stories and in cot at 7:30, he was falling asleep by 8 before we moved.

[cath~]

Hi there,
My dd is also spirited and BTs/sleep always tends to get a bit messy when there are changes in her life.
I tend to just roll with it and wait for her to get through the tricky patch. Offering the minimum support she needs to get through it. Eg you say at the moment he needs a hand on him to fall asleep - well maybe keep giving that if he needs it by try to remove it whenever you think you can. When he is feeling more settled again you can press harder (eg with WIWO or GW) to get him falling asleep independently again. I worry if you try too hard now though it might make things worse as it sounds like he really needs you ATM. Wdyt?

Also, has he just turned two? There are often sleep regressions just after LOs birthdays and half birthdays when they go through a development leap. We had a wonky few weeks right after L turned two with her needing more help to settle at BT.

If he is unsettled by the changes in his life, then perhaps try to keep his days as predictable and same as possible , with consistent routines and rituals, as this can really help LOs (esp spirited ones) feel more secure.

Hugs I'm sure this patch will pass but it tough while you are going through it

[roimata9]

Thanks for the reply Catherine! It really is so hard.
He just turned two on Monday, interesting to know there are sleep regressions then. At the moment he goes hysterical if I try to put him to sleep, I can't do the hand thing because he's in a portacot with solid sides, I fainted one night from staying in the same position so long and every time I tried to take away my hand he would say "hand? hand?". So DH is putting him to bed at night, but he's not sleeping during the day. I tried yesterday and after 1.5 hours of him crying (with me there) I gave up. He then fell asleep at 4 when he had a BF.
We've got a week of travelling around the US and Canada next week, before we settle in New York for 3 months, the whole time he will share a room with us, which I'm dreading!
It seems to me like he works himself up so much he can't get out of it to relax. Any tips for "re-setting" when he's at that stage? DH can do it by getting him up and reading a story, but with me he gets hysterical again when I put him back in the cot. At his daycare he is taking longer to get to sleep for his nap but is nowhere near as unsettled as he is with us.
Do you think the routine looks okay?

[cath~]

Sounds like you prob have the 2yr regression/wonkiness going on too then. Hugs - that is really hard.

Some things that help L to resettle when she is really upset are:
- telling (without a book) her a story while she lies in the cot - sometimes I make one up (eg about a little girl called L.., other times I re-tell one of her favourite stories as best as I can remember it (eg she loves the tiger who came to tea)
- singing twinkle twinkle little star as I gradually move away from her, back to my room. If she's still a bit upset when I stop, I hum it for a bit instead.
- offering her a drink of water can sometimes be enough to 'snap' her out of being really upset

Maybe one of those ideas might work for you?

I know another mum on hear with a spirited LO found that back runs worked well to calm him down.

Re routine, if he gets up at 7am then 12.30 is quite early for a nap at this age. You could try pushing it out to 1pm or even 1.30pm (but possibly best to move it gradually).

HTH

[roimata9]

Thanks!
I've tried singing and telling stories, rubbing his back etc - but he can still stay upset for an hour!
Thankfully the last few nights have been better - he's not been upset but still has taken up to an hour to fall asleep, and needs one of us in the room.
Hopefully it'll get better from here. I wondered if the nap is too early, but he seems tired then and I'd be concerned we'd get more BT antics if he has a late nap. Yesterday we were out so he didn't sleep till 1, but then woke at 2:30 really upset and almost fell asleep on the boob. I hoped he'd go down quickly because of that, but he still took ages.
FX he settles down after our big move - I'm dreading coping with the massive time difference!

[cath~]

Hi there
Sorry for the late reply (have been away on hol for a week).
How has this week been?
Yes, from his age he might be ready for you to push the nap a bit later now. But like you say if you get more BT antics then you might need to also move BT later or cap the nap a bit to preserve the same BT. You'll have to see.
Also, with him being upset at 2.30pm after his nap, I wondered if there is any teething going on? Does he have any 2nd yr molars yet?

[roimata9]

Thanks for checking back! We've moved to the states now so he is dealing with an 8hour time difference which has completely mucked things up. He's just been having buggy naps and then falls asleep ok at night but that's the time he is used to going down for his nap in NZ, so he wakes 2-3 hours later and is wide awake for a few hours. Hoping this will pass soon!

[cath~]

Ugh - that sounds tough. Hope he adjusts to the new timeline soon and your move went smoothly.

[roimata9]

So, things are still terrible here! We've been in our new place for 6 days now and there is no independent sleep happening at all.  He's needing to be bf by me or have DH hold his hand to sleep.  Getting lots of BT antics, multiple NWs which require a BF to settle him and EWs too! He is refusing to sleep in his cot also.
His 2 year molars are coming through so we've been medicating for that.
We're all exhausted - me particularly from the marathon feeds.
Naps have been ok, I think cos he's exhausted from the short broken nights.
Any ideas for us? I feel totally stuck!
Today I'm trying an earlynap and a long session this afternoon at the park so he is physically tired.

[cath~]

ugh - sound exhausting.  hugs

Not sure what the *best* advice is but I think IIWM I would offer whatever comfort/reassurance he needs to fall asleep at the moment.  There have been a lot of changes for hi and if he is teething as well - poor thing.  Are you giving medicine for teething?

How is he during the day?  Does he seem less settled than usual?  I think I would wait a bit until he seems more settled in his new surrounding and/or the teething is over, and then try working on GW.