Help needed please

[sammy23]

Hi I need some help recently my 18 month little girl is having trouble settling in her cot. About 3 weeks ago my sister and cousin were in an accident that day i had to leave her all day the longest we ever spent away from her and we spent a good few nights in hospital while her nannys put her to bed some nights she slept in my mas and others she spent home in her own cot. My ma put her to sleep on the bed with her while her other nanny put her in the cot and lay beside her on the ground with the light on. Before this she went down great no light and went straight to sleep now she screams and could take 3 - 4 hours to settle its like she's terrified of the room sometimes she's ok at nap time in the day it's just at night she goes crazy even going up the stairs. What do we do I've always followed the baby whisper and had her in a great routine. Also I think she's having some separation anxiety she crys if her daddy or me leave the room which she never did before.until now I've tried picking her up and putting her down but it's been a week and no change she seems a bit more relaxed while the light is on (is this a bad habit to get her into)  help

[sammy23]

What is 18 month sleep regression and wi/wo I don't remember reading this in the baby whisperer book could this be what my lo is going through? Can someone help please

[creations]

Sorry to hear about your sister's and cousin's accident, I hope they are recovered now.

It does sound like the 18 month regression, this could well have happened even if she hadn't had a routine disruption being put to bed by others etc.  Basically it's a time when many LOs go off track with their routines, having previously been on a great routine they suddenly and for apparently no reason stop sleeping well seem not to be able to fall to sleep independently any more and have SA, lots of crying etc (lots of developmental things going on at this time too which can cause the regression). I believe the general advice is to continue the routine you were on and eventually come out the other side on the same routine.  It's a difficult time as LO doesn't settle well and will need lots more cuddles and parental support and reassurance.
WU/WI is walk in walk out. Responding to your LOs need for more support and going to her.  Sometimes independent sleepers get a bit torn between what they want, like they want us there but then once we are there we disturb them so with WI/WO you are reassuring but also leaving (and returning).
Sometimes verbal reassurance from outside the room where you are not seen is helpful.
Some times APOP is helpful to calm LO and get everyone some sleep. As soon as the regression phase is over she will likely return to independent sleep on her own or with minimal encouragement so don't worry about using AP to get through this.

Hope that helps a little

[sammy23]

Thanks for the advice it's good to know its just a phase I have been leaving the light on and staying with her and she's seems to be asleep snoring but the minute I get up to leave she pops up and screams il try wi/wo...  I'm not great with the shortened words what does apop and ap mean sorry if this sounds silly my sister and cousin are doing well now thanks x

[creations]

APOP (accidental parenting on purpose) and AP (accidental parenting) mean the same thing, we often use AP as a short abbreviation meaning APOP.  If you've read one of the Baby Whisperer books you'll know AP is all the things Tracy 'warned' us of, rocking, holding to sleep etc, using ourselves as a prop that baby is reliant on to get to sleep, stay asleep, or resettle after a night waking.  These are the things you remove gently during sleep training to teach LO how to fall to sleep alone whilst remaining confident that you will always be there if' when needed.  During a phase like the 18 month regression or illness or teething we ALL use AP to help our LOs (hence the APOP, we do it on purpose) and to help ourselves and our families get some sleep. Tracy was not against helping a baby that was ill/teething etc and the whole ethos of BW and EASY is to be there when you LO needs you.  Like I said before usually LOs return to independent sleep as soon as they are able.
If you are having really bad nights you might find it easier to just camp out in her room for a few nights so you can comfort her and sleep at the same time.  My DS has always refused to be APed (ie will not sleep on me) but during bad illness or the regression I have been known to hop into his cot, as shocked and confused as he was about me invading his space he did accept it and we both got a couple of hours sleep. It's only happened a couple of times.
With separation anxiety the 'quickest' (and most pleasant) way through the phase is to be with LO as much as possible to reassure that you will always be there when needed.

This link can help with all the abbreviations:
Site Acronyms/Abbreviations - What they are, and what they mean.

[sammy23]

Thanks you have gave me brilliant advice.. We tried wi/wo 2 nite it worked really well took 40 min and she settled down hopefully it will continue to work... We only have one room in our house so she still sleeps in with us and our room is right beside the front door so it can be frustrating wen people call late she's a very light sleeper and she hears us if we go out and leave a babysitter... Is there any other baby whisper book you could recommend for toddlers I have secrets of the baby whisperer and the baby whisperer solves all your problem x thanks again

[creations]

There is a "Secrets of the BW for Toddlers" although tbh if you already have two BW books I don't know that you would gain much from it.  I don't think I really felt I had learned a great deal more from it, I would likely order from the library if you have that option.  It covers from roughly 8 months (as soon as some start to cruise and toddle) so you might find you are reading things you have already been through, or repeats of the ethos and routine which you already know from the other books.
There is a companion books list if you are interested in reading another parenting book (I'm hooked on them!).  I'd recommend 'Raising our children raising ourselves', 'Playful Parenting' and 'Unconditional Parenting'.  They aren't ages and stages books, more an approach to parenting.

You might find white noise can drown out the sounds of the front door, visitors etc.

[sammy23]

Thanks again x sorry to sound silly but what do u mean by white noise x

[creations]

White noise is the fuzzy sound you hear when a radio is out of tune.  Many LOs (and adults) find it helpful for sleep, it replaces the shush in shush/pat and drowns out all sudden or unusual noises around the house, outside traffic etc.
There are a range of different types of white noise, de-tuning a radio is one way, there are also machines you can buy, CDs you can buy, free down loads from the internet (to burn to disc and play on repeat). There are also things called pink noise, brown noise, lots of variety, things like water fall, hair drier, fan, trees blowing in the wind, sea crashing on the shore.  All kind of droning waves of sound.
White noise (or any other colour) isn't considered a prop because once on it doesn't require the parent to keep returning to LO to resettle them.
Google it to hear some samples and get free downloads, also there are very cheap (like 50p) down loads on amazon and various other places, or you local music shop may have some CDs in stock.

[sammy23]

K thanks il have a look into it x