Author Topic: Worried about a commitment I made  (Read 1915 times)

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Offline Emami

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Worried about a commitment I made
« on: June 21, 2013, 18:58:51 pm »
On Monday afternoon a neighbor knocked on my door who I'd never met before.  We live in an apartment complex and she said she'd seen me around with dd and wondered if I knew of any local babysitters.  She is a single mum with a 17 month old daughter, and works from home which is obviously difficult to do with a toddler.  At the moment her daughter goes to her grandma's mon-fri, but grandma is 74 and struggling to keep up with her.  I invited my neighbor in and we got talking.  She was practically in tears worrying what she's going to do, the father left her when she was pregnant, she's lonely and said she has no social life, she seemed really nice but so stressed.  I told her I'm a SAHM and although I have a few friends I would trust with my dd they're not immediately local and wouldn't be able to help during the week.

DH and I have been talking about finances a lot lately and basically we could use some extra money.  I thought this seems like a win-win - I offered to help my neighbor out 2 days a week so she can get some work done, hopefully we'll get to know each other and become friends, our dd's have playmates, and I make a bit of money.  I told her I'm in no way registered in a child care capacity and my only experience is having my own child so obviously am asking for much less money than a daycare.  She seemed so relieved, and asked me if I could take her dd starting this week!  So Thursday (yesterday) was her first day with me.

She is a really really sweet little girl.  She didn't seem worried about me being a stranger, played happily, ate well and took a nap.  All seems fine, except 2 things are really worrying me:

1) Her mum told me that she cuddles her to sleep by lying down on the bed with her BUT that she would be ok in a Pack&play, it just might take her longer to go to sleep.  Well, I put her down and that was the only time she was upset all day. She cried her eyes out and I really don't know this kid and how to help her, so I stuck my dd in front of the tv and went and laid down with her.  She immediately stopped crying but it took about 20mins for her to fall asleep.  I'm really not happy or willing to do this every time she's here and just leave my dd by herself, and I did mention this to my neighbor who said she's working on it already. So I guess I'll wait and see, but that could be a problem.

2) My dd is very social, loves people, plays fine with other kids in her gym class and when we have play dates either at our house or elsewhere.  Sharing toys is hit and miss, sometimes very generous, sometimes possessive!  I thought she would be fine with this, but I guess the fact that I was the only mom present made a big difference.  She didn't mind sharing her toys, but she minded sharing me!  She's not usually like that at all, but usually when someone else is in her 'territory' they still have their mom with them taking care of them.  She was whiny and clingy even after the other little girl left.  Usually if dd is crying about something at this age it's a stroppy kind of protest, but it was different yesterday.  She seemed genuinely upset and unsure about the situation.  Obviously it's very early days and hopefully she'll adjust, but I don't want this to be a problem for her.

I'm not going to back out of this and will give it a fair go but I'm a little concerned I've bitten off more than I can chew.  Any thoughts or am I worrying about nothing?

Sorry this is so long!
Emma






Offline Shiv52

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Re: Worried about a commitment I made
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2013, 19:07:19 pm »
Hugs xx

 I actually think that Sounds like an arrangement that will work out well.  I think it's very early days and your DD will likely come to love having the company and getting used to sharing you and I think the other LO will get used to sleeping better and on her own.

I probably give it a go for a month and see if things have settled. I'd say any less and you couldn't be sure if it was going to work out.






Offline Erin M

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Re: Worried about a commitment I made
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2013, 01:54:10 am »
I was going to write the same thing as Shiv -- I'd give her (and your dd) some time to adjust and then re-evaluate.  Hey, you might even offer your neighbor some BW suggestions on how to help her LO fall asleep without you laying there! :)

Offline Jenn+Ethan+Emily

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Re: Worried about a commitment I made
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2013, 02:37:30 am »
Definitely give it a month. I ran a dayhome and it always took at least that amount of time for everyone to get used to each other.



Offline Emami

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Re: Worried about a commitment I made
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2013, 17:37:53 pm »
Yeah I'm definitely going to give it a while, and don't plan on backing out even if it's difficult at first.  I think it's the sleep thing that I'm most concerned about.  Although dd is obviously my priority, I do think she'll be fine, it's not like she's suddenly going to have no time with me.  But my neighbor said that I could leave her daughter to cry if I have to, so I don't know if that's what she means when she says she's trying to get her used to sleeping by herself.  I don't know her well enough to get into a CIO conversation with her, it's such a divisive issue and I don't want her to think I'm judging her, especially when she's obviously struggling.  I did say I wouldnt leave her to cry when she's here, but I don't know what I will do instead.  DD has been an independent sleeper since 3months so I don't have any experience of sleep training an older baby that I can share with her mum  :(
Emma






Offline Erin M

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Re: Worried about a commitment I made
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2013, 21:07:55 pm »
As someone who has had a baby in daycare, I can tell you that babies get used to falling asleep different ways in different places.  I'd probably try getting her settled in the pack and play (does she have a lovey?) and then try something where you pop in and out to check on her (unless she's really upset) so you can check on your dd as well.  You can look at the toddler sleep FAQs for ideas. 

Offline Emami

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Re: Worried about a commitment I made
« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2013, 00:49:14 am »
Well this week coming they are away so we won't be starting the regular 2 days until the week after.  Hopefully my neighbor will have had some success by then, and if not I guess I will just have to be in and out for a bit and keep my fingers crossed for not too much crying.
Thanks for your input ladies.
Emma