how will my 4 month old learn to fall asleep on her own?

[lyssie28]

Only just at evening now and managed to almost get her down but she kept waking up screaming.  Even before i put her in the crib she started screaming which she never does so we decided to try a more gradual process and try to get her too sleep without it and use as a last resort if she gets too upset.  Through the night my partner (we take turns on the nighttimes) says he will only give her the dummy if he cant settle her as i still want to get rid of it.  The problem is my partner doesnt! So i suppose a gradual weaning is a compromise that will suit us both in the long run. I suppose when it is my turn i could be more strict about than he will but that might confuse her...

[Violet's mom]

He might agree after a couple of nights of getting up every 2 hrs!  Good luck and I hope it goes well for you!

[Layla]

You guys will need to agree on a method that you will both stick to, otherwise its not fair on your LO if you don't give it to her but he does, if that makes sense. Gradual withdrawal is a good method too but I was a little impatient and just did it cold turkey. DH also hated the crying but I managed to convince him it was for the better and he just stopped trying to "fix" things right away and went along with helping me out. We took turns but mostly it was me doing the settling and teaching them as I am not as bothered by the crying as he is.

Let us know how you go

[lyssie28]

We had talked about it and agreed on what to do but because she was tired and crying he felt like we were being mean i think.

She also woke for the day at 5.20 thismorning.  Do you think that could just be from her broken naps yesterday? He couldnt get her back down then so ive put her back down at 7am.  What should i do for naps today and for her bt? Just give her an hour now and the back to normal?

[lyssie28]

Hi, we have been delaying giving her the dummy when she wakes and shush/patting and she goes back to sleep if it seems like shes not going to settle we just give her it.  Will this be confusing for her?

Also i'm still wondering about shush/pat.  Ive been doing it for about 2 months and it does work to get her to sleep (normally doesnt take any longer than 15 mins on a bad day) but how does it teach her to sleep on her own?  One day will she just go to sleep or do i have to change things a bit?maybe stop patting?

Another thing, she is still waking early in the morning.  This morning she woke at 4.30 and i shushed her back to sleep.  However i had to do this another 5 or 6 times before i got her up properly at 7.  If i keep doing this will she go back to getting up at 7?

[Violet's mom]

If she woke at 4:30am she probably was hungry - try feeding her and she will probably go right back to sleep.

In regards to the pacifier - it is almost like letting her know if she cries long enough she will get it - so you probably need to make a decision and be consistent with it.

And shhh/pat - do you do it only when she is crying?  If she is content then let her be and she will learn to fall asleep on her own. 

Good luck!

[lyssie28]

Ill try that if she wakes again at that time but she already taken 4oz at 1.00 and then another bottle at 3.30.

Ive recently syarted to walk away if she seems settled and go back in if she cries.  Will this help her?

[Violet's mom]

Yes that is exactly what you are supposed to do - will she take more than 4oz in those other feeds?  Growth spurts are crazy over the next couple months - I felt like my LO was constantly growth spurting!

[lyssie28]

She might take a little bit more but the past few weeks it has been a battle to get her to take a bigger feed through the day .  She used to have a 5oz bottle easily, so easy we tried to up it to 6, but the past few weeks she has started to eat less.  Now she'll take a 4 oz per feed if we're lucky.  She also stopped eating in the morning even if it had been well over 4 hours since the last feed through the night.   I was worried at first but she is small, only in the 9th percentile so i think maybe she just doesnt have a very big appetite, and she has plenty of wet nappies. I also had her weighed and she is growing at her normal rate.

I tried to see if she would go to sleep on her own yet but she cried again.  She was lying nice and calm so i left the room.  I waited and she cried 5 minutes later.  I could hear her moving around.  I did go back in but just put my hand on her chest and she fell asleep looking at me and tossing her head.  Can i become a sort of prop? I dont want it to end being she'll only sleep if im there as my partner does half of the nw.

[Layla]

You've been doing shh/pat for the past 2 months but only about a week without the soother, right? So she's learning all over again how to fall asleep without the soother. I used to pat to sleep and then with time I started doing less and less of it and eventually they learn to put themselves to sleep. Timing is also very important because if you're putting her to bed too early, there will be crying as she's not tired enough and if you're putting her to bed too late, there will be crying because she is too tired . How long are you keeping her awake at the moment? How long are her naps? Would you be able to post your EAS for the last 2-3 days (if you have it).

I agree with growth spurts and if she's taking a feed then she's probably hungry. How often does she E during the day?

[lyssie28]

Her EASY yesterday was:

Wu 6.45 but she had been on and off every half hour since 4.30

S8.45 took 15 minutes to get to sleep woke 9.30.  Tried for 45 minutes to put her back down.

S 11.20 tried to get a 2 hr A but she was tired and didnt want to push it too much.  She woke after half and hour and took half an hour to het her back down.  Woke up at 1.40.

S3.45 - 4.15

Bt 6.30 woke every 20 minutes until 7.30 then asleep until 10 when she woke for a feed.

Straight back to sleep and up at 1.30, 4, 5.30 and from then every half hour and up at 6.45.

Her days are often very similar at the minute and ive put her down for nap at 8.15 this morning so 1hr and a half after getting her up.

On the plus side she fell asleep herself in her cot.  I sat in the room but she couldnt see me :-) it took her 15 minutes bit i hope she has a full nap so i can get her EASY back on track.

She eats approx every 3.5 to 4 hours.  It was 3 but then she never ate hardly anything so im going for 4 hrs now.

[Violet's mom]

Yeah the BW says four month olds can start a 4 hr EASY - mine never went 4 hrs between feeds personally.  How long does she eat?  Is it a burping issue?  Do you try burping her and then feeding again? 

Sleep is pretty wacky at 4 months.  You could try to feed her at night just to see if she is hungry.  My LO slept 8 to 9 hours and then at 4 months would only sleep a max of 6 to 7!  I think they become more aware of the things around them and are sometimes "too busy" to eat during the day!   If she isn't hungry it might be OT.  If she has a short nap, her a time should be adjusted shorter because she did not have a restorative nap.  First nap sounds OT - considering she had technically been up since 4:30.  To help you out I will pass on some info I was told recently - any nap under 40 mins means OT, any nap over 45 mins means undertired.  If it was me, I would try some really low key a time after an OT nap and put her down as soon as she looked sleepy (prob after an hour or hour 15 min at this age).  It's all trial and error until your LO gets what she needs.  You might end up with 2 catnaps instead of one really good nap and that is pretty normal. 

HTH

[lyssie28]

Thanks for the info  today all of her naps were pretty bad.  Her first was half an hour so she must have been overtired.  Her second nap she woke after half an hour again but i managed to get her back down and she had 2 hours. Because of her poor first nap i tried to give her a 3rd nap because it was still too early for a catnap but she only had half an hour again.  She has seemed really tired all day and im hoping her nighttime sleep will be better and she'll catch up on some much needed sleep and a rest for mummy!

[Violet's mom]

Yeah hopefully!  I always felt like some good sleep was a reset button - just do the best you can - the 4 month sleep regression is tough! 

[Layla]

Other than the 1st nap, I would have thought having a 2 hr nap was a good nap and the catnap over here is sometimes only 30mins as well and I don't always think its because she is overtired. I am finding that 3-3.5hrs is about all my DD needs, with 11-12 hrs at night. Are you still using the dummy or is she going to sleep on her own?