10 months old stand up in crib, wont sleep?

[Mika80]

Please help!
My 10 months old doesn't like to lie down.
This is the story:
By 3 months he was falling asleep on his own in his crib.
By the time he learned how to sit up he was already getting too big for his portacrib, he was not sleeping comfortably in it and kept on waking up so I made the mistake of taking him into bed with us till I picked a new crib and mattress. He was able to sleep through the night though which was a bonus.
For his naps I strap him into his stroller and rock him to sleep, I tried to put him to nap in his NEW BIG crib but he doesn't want to sleep there, I let him cry for 4 hours but be wouldn't sleep, I didn't let him cry again since.
We live in a 1 bedroom, his crib is in the living room because there is no room in the bedroom, so at night I have him fall asleep in our bed (I put him down and lie in bed with him to make sure that he doesn't get up and doesn't crawl off the bed, every time he tries to sit up I tell him to stay down and push him gently back down) till we are ready to go to sleep, then when he is deep asleep we move him to his crib. Sometimes he wakes up in the moving process and would start crying when he realizes he is in the crib. Other times he would stay asleep but would wake up at 1 am realizing he is in his crib and would start crying so the easiest solution for us at that point (which I know is wrong) is to take him in our bed, he falls back to sleep almost immediately that way, I also tried to touch his head, his hair till he falls back to sleep in his crib, but as soon as I stop because I think he is asleep, and go to bed he starts crying again.
I tried to put him to sleep in his crib but no matter how many times I put him down he pulls himself right back up, either sitting or standing (most likely standing and smiling if he can see us, crying if he can't see us).
I have a feeling he feels in a cage when he is in his crib because he cant move freely as when he sleeps and toss and turn he bumps into it ...
Any suggestions?
How can I have him get used to the crib ?
Thanks!

[nevinsmama]

Hey there, so glad you haven't left him to cry again. BW doesn't support any CIO or CC methods so we are glad you have turned away from that and are glad to help you and your LO get some rest!

Is your end goal independent sleep ( laying him down awake and leaving the room and him putting himself to sleep for naps, BT and night wakings? What does your day look like in terms of when he wakes up, naps, and then goes down for the night? Is he eating well?,  Has he been left to cry other than the 1 time? If so, and possibly anyway, he may need to have his trust in you built back up. I would start by making the crib a happy place to be, put him in it in the day time and play with him in there so it can be a happy place again. If you don't mind to answer these questions we will be happy to help you come up with a plan!

[Mika80]

Hello, thank you for your reply.
Ideally I would love him to fall asleep on his own without needing me right there next to him.
Last night he slept in his crib. I stayed next to him till he fell asleep.
This is his schedule:
7 am wake up
9.30 nap in his stroller ideally till 11 but he usually wakes up by 10.30 or so, I try to rock him back to sleep.
1.30/2 pm second nap in his stroller (that's the only way he would sleep during the day, also easier to handle if he wakes up after 1/2 hour, I rock him back to sleep) till 3 pm.
Ideally he goes to bed by 8 pm ( used to be 7.30 but he was waking up at 6 am), yesterday it took him 1.5 hours to fall asleep, fell asleep around 9.30 (in his crib). On my bed he may fall asleep faster.

What I did last night was letting him play in his crib before bed time, he was happy in there, then slowly told him to lie down and gently put him down (he was rubbing his eyes) ... If he tried to get up I gently told him to stay down and put a hand on him to reassure him.
He woke up around 5.30, my husband tried to put him back to sleep but as soon as he stepped away he started crying again.

[nevinsmama]

Hello again. The first thing that jumps out  at me is that he needs to be on a more age appropriate routine. Most LO's at this age are doing closer to 4 hours A time and getting closer to one nap, although usually one short, one long. If I were you I would go ahead and jump to 3.5 hours for that 1st A time, he will need some help to stay up that long but he will adapt. I would hold that there for 3-5 days and see what that gets you. Have a look here Average A times- BOOKMARK ME!

OK, as far as getting him out of your bed and the stroller and into the crib there WILL be some crying , quite a bit as he is getting close to being a toddler and they can be quite loud with their opinions! Is it possible to make his spot where he sleeps quite blacked out? Does he have a lovey? From about 9 months a lovey did wonders for my DD. Several time through the day I would just take him back to his crib and have a quiet play and maybe a cuddle in or near his crib to help remove any fear there. Does he have a consistent wind-down routine for before BT and naps? All these things can help him know that it's nearly sleepytime.

If you are ready to see this through then I would start with BT. I would get yourself ready to put him in his bed for all naps and BT.

I would go something like this, WD and cuddles, into bed awake with lovey repeat your sleepy phrase ( here it's "good night sweetheart, it's sleepytime" and then I walk out) WIth your LO I would say the sleepy phrase and then lay him down.  As he has been left to cry the one time I would stay in the room and work towards comforting him from further and further away until you are walking out the door after your say your sleepy phrase. To start with I would sit by the crib ( no eye contact, quiet voice reminding him with your sleepy phrase if he starts to get worked up) I would try to calm him down mostly with your voice but if he gets very upset I would try to comfort him in the crib until he is calm but YOU are not putting him to sleep, he does that himself. This is basically the "pick up put down"(PUPD) plan but at this age you don't really pick up anymore. The details here under the age appropriate adaptations can explain this better than I can! I would make a point to not be trying to get out of the room right now. Have a look here:How to PU/PD (inc age adaptations)
and maybe here too! How not to give up....survival strategies!
I hope this helps and please let us know if you have any questions, we are here to hold your hand the whole way!

[Mika80]

Hi, today he ended up taking 2 loong naps .. i can def. keep him awake longer but that would mean he would be cranky and sleep longer after. I think he doesn't sleep enough at night, thats why he still needs 2 naps.

My baby doesn't seem to have a lovey although he LOVES his wubbanub pacifier, which is a little stuffed animal attached to a pacifier, I am trying to get him off it though, he gets it only at night and in extreme situations during the day.

The bedtime routine is bath, pj , bottle, play time in his crib (because be HAS to burp otherwise it hurts him, he burps on his own just sitting up for a little bit). I tried to put him down right after a. Bottle he cried in pain, picked him up and he burped.
The tricky parts about having him sleep in his crib in the living room are a few:
1) we cant black out the room (need some light for us)
2) my husband comes back from work late, so the light in the room where the crib is must be on for us to eat at the dinner table (only table in the apt). I have a friend who puts her son down in his room at 7 and closes the door, I envy her so much, her work is so much easier than mine

Tonight my LO fell asleep at 10 pm. My husband came back from work at 8 pm - by the time we ate was 9 pm, LO was in his crib standing up watching us.
By the time I finished I went to put him down, it was 9.20, by 9.30 he was almost asleep, I went to my room to get something, when I came back he was standing up. Room was already dark. I Had to start over. By 10 pm he was asleep.
I dont think this crib in the living room is working out for us,but we have no real choice at the moment ... I think I am better off have him fall asleep on our bed and then move him into his crib, at least that way he was sleeping by 8 pm or so, now my day doesn't end till 10 pm!
I wish, I wish so much we had an extra room

[nevinsmama]

Ahh, I know the feeling. It was chaos here when DD was born, DS was in teh nursery room still in the crib ( which he LOVED)and DD had some of her naps in a bassinet which was moved from one spot to another! Then DS moved upstairs with DH on a crib mattress on the floor and DD went into the nursery for a bit. I think the bottom line is to do what works for your family. If him going to sleep on your bed is the way it is, then so it is. Is there a way you can hang a curtian or something to take the edge off the lights and maybe put a fan pointed at the wall near the head of his crib to muffle sounds? Just thinking out loud here, sometimes you just have to get creative, I know!

I think the wubbanub sounds great, is there a reason you want to wean it? If he can replug it himself it would be great for him to help himself settle. Let me know what you think?

[*Ali*]

Can I suggest having a read of this link Regaining Trust of Your Child

[Mika80]

Hi Maryn, thanks again for your reply.
I am soo trying to be creative here I thought of hanging something over the crib but knowing my LO he is going to have a LOT of fun trying to pull it down and that's dangerous. As for the fan, it may work but my baby has extremely sensitive ears, he hears everything .... Not sure a white machine is the solution for him ... But I can give it a try.
When he was falling asleep on our bed he was always asleep by 8pm or so but wide awake by 6 am, I guess not all babies are the same, I appreciate the general rule book but if he doesn't sleep 12 hours I really can't force him, he catches up during the day and thats maybe why he still needs 2 naps. i think naps are very important, not only because they give ME a break, but also for LO's growth. Again, every baby is different so I guess my LO still needs 2 naps at this time, I would feel bad taking one nap away from him and making him miserable. the 2 naps might be the reason he doesn't sleep 12 hours in a row, but I doubt it, there have been times he skipped a nap, he still went to sleep at the same time, took him longer to fall asleep because he was overtired and cranky, and woke up at the same time.

I am trying to wean him off his pacifier, not essentially the little animal attached to it, but they come together and he loves his pacifier .... Although I am starting to realize that he doesnt ' need' it, he uses it more as a toy, he chews on it, sucks on it, passes it from hand to hand, pulls it, looks at it, throws it, bangs it ... He is also teething so he uses it also as a teether.
I am just worried it will be harder to wean him off it later on ... But I may be wrong as he doesn't seem to be dependent on it anymore.

[Mika80]

Ali, thanks for the link.

[nevinsmama]

Oh hun, I hope I didn't come off as critical, I didn't mean to and apologize if I did. I know you are trying to be creative and we want to help your LO move towards independent sleep as best he can! What about like a dark bed sheet just across a corner of the room to give him his corner or something?

 And as far as the sensitive hearing the white noise may help with that. My son has very sensitive hearing and has a strong fan going upstairs where he and DH sleep to help drown out the rest of the house. My DD has 2 as she is downstairs and people tromp by her room at all hours and wash dishes etc..

If I were you I would keep the wubbanub. My DS still has his blankie and still cuddles it from time to time. And if I ever lose DD's "pinkey mouse" lovey the heavens may fall! I am all for loveys and white noise!

[Mika80]

Maryn, you did not come off as critical, do t worry, I know you were trying to help ... Unfortunately the best solution would be an extra room ... Oh well .... I'llkeep the wubbanub for another few months then I may cut off the pacifier and leave him the little animal ... I appreciate your suggestions
Thanks for trying to help ...