11 month old crying at bed time?

[amelaugh]

Hi ladies,

I am looking for some of your input as to what I can do for my 11 month old daughter.

Its almost 3 weeks now and bed time has gone from being easy to a nightmare.

Every night for the past few weeks when we put her down, a poo arrives around 15 or 20 mins later. She then gets upset obviously, so when we go up and change her she calms down immediately. The minute we pick her up to put her back to bed the screaming starts. This can last up to 1.5 hours.
She goes down for her naps no problems at all, she is out like a light in minutes. This is all new.

We are at our wits end trying to figure out what is going on. Is it separation anxiety?
She seems fine during the day and naps times, this is just a bed time thing. The poo will come despite her having already having one or 2 earlier that day.

We have tried putting her to bed earlier, later, changing feeding times, foods we giver her, a night light, bedding. Everything.

Please help  I hate seeing her so upset at bed time. She is so happy during the day.

Our routine is usually :

6.30-7 Wake
7.7.30 Bottle
8.30 Porridge and fruit
9.50-10 Nap of around 1hr 30 or 1hr 40 mins
12 - Lunch
2- Bottle
2.45-3 - Nap of around 40 or 50 mins.
5- Dinner
6 - Bath
6.30 Bottle
7 Bed

[amelaugh]

I suppose I should add here that her Awake times between naps was shorter and its increased over a month ago and I am doing it gradually. I know she is not ready for any more at the moment and with the way things are, I am not pushing it right now.

[Ima shel Alon]

So you think that what happens at BT is not routine related but just because of the full nappy, right?
Does the BT bottle helps her to calm down and fall asleep? Maybe you can give only half of it, put her down, change nappy when it's full and then give the rest of the bottle so she could calm down again?
When she is so upset after the nappy change how are you trying to settle her? Are you using PU/PD? Is she pulling herself in bed already?

[amelaugh]

So you think that what happens at BT is not routine related but just because of the full nappy, right?
Does the BT bottle helps her to calm down and fall asleep? Maybe you can give only half of it, put her down, change nappy when it's full and then give the rest of the bottle so she could calm down again?
When she is so upset after the nappy change how are you trying to settle her? Are you using PU/PD? Is she pulling herself in bed already?

We just dont know if its the poop or the routine. We are stumped. The bed time bottle is given to her downstairs after her bath, not in bed or in her room. After she's drank it we dress her and take her upstairs. She seems happy to be going to bed. Then the poop comes. I thought at first that is what was upsetting her so much, but when we lift her out to change her she calms instantly. Until she is put back in again.

We were going into her and cuddling etc, but stopped that as it was not helping, it was leading to her being more upset, going to bed even later and being overtired.

We go in every few mins and pat/shush her and leave again. Since doing this the 1.5hours of madness has gone down to around 45 mins instead.

She is has been able to stand in the cot for over a month now. She makes all the moves like she WANTS to go to sleep, then I see her standing up getting upset. Its like she wants to, but can't? She is starting to stand up on her own during the day now and let go of the furniture. Maybe its to do with learning a new skill? I don't know.

I just dont know anymore. I feel like a failure

[Ima shel Alon]

Sweetie, you are not a failure, your kid is just having a rough patch, it happens

If you think it might be the routine then it could be good if you post your day in an EASY format and we can have look if some tweaking can be done.
Even if her BT bottle is given downstairs I would be looking at offering more milk or a split feed to help her calm down.
I am not sure what you mean by going in and out every few minutes, but please don't leave her crying by herself. That in itself can contribute to things, because she is losing her trust in you being there and can cause severe SA.
She is way way too old for Shush-pat, babies find it stimulating at this age and I really think that if you give PU/PD (or just PD if she is pulling herself already) a good try and be consistent with it then it will get better after a few days. It's not going to be super easy and you will probably have a couple of rough evening, but it WILL get better.

[amelaugh]

We have found with 'putting down' method she got more upset as she seemed to think we were going in to lift her up. She got hysterical 

[Ima shel Alon]

That's normal, hun. Like I said, the first few times you do it there is a lot of crying but you are there the entire time for her and she will learn to fall asleep more independently. Of course, it's up to you, you can also settle the way you did till now.