am I the problem

[mrs_whalley]

Hi there
Basically its my first day really getting to grips with a routine so here goes after an awful last few weeks im ready to make some drastic changes but what I really want to know is what I am doing practically cio??
Generally my lo hates being held at night he squirms and rolls and can be very hard to settle and at night tends to end up in our bed but we cannot hold him to settle etc
So I put lo this morning went down like a dream to wake 40 mins later he was in his cot but at that point he became hysterical however when I shh/pat or try and comfort him he seems to get more worked up after getting to time he needed his next feed I brought him downstairs where he automatically calmed down.
Now its nap time now and he did kick up a very big fuss I even got in the cot to try and calm him down but only when I got out and left him brieftly to stretch my back out within a minute he calmed down and went to sleep so half hour later he awoke crying and being hysterical but as soon as I start to try and resettle him he goes even more crazy but if I back off his cries do die down again but all the same hes still cying. we haven't had a brilliant nap time and tbh his cries really upset me as they sound as if hes so distressed but the fact that im sat with him but not touching him makes me think im doing cio and I worry that I will lose his trust as i am allowing him to cry in such a way without me holding or touching him but when I do the crying gets alot worse.
I know its only my first day doing this routine but my lo is like this at night where we do stick to a bedtime routine and put him down drowsy but he always wakes hysterical after half hour and we do the usuals cuddle him shh/pat, his day naps generally end up being short naps in his pram. He is now 4 months old  and  today is the first day of putting him down in cot. Im now just wondering if trying to settle him is the problem but at same time I dont want to cross over into cio methods any advice be fab.
Thanks for reading
Donna xx

[weaver]

Hello and welcome to BW!

The first days are always hard but you need to be consistent with him so he can learn the new routine. 

Having said that, I notice you mention a couple of times that you feel bad being with him but 'not touching him or holding him'.  Well, if he is distressed, you should comfort him, don't feel obliged not to.  You want to teach him, gently, how to get to sleep in the cot.  You can hold him til he's drowsy and then try putting him down.  It's a matter of working with him. 

I'm also wondering if your LO is maybe spirited or touchy?  Sh-pat usually has to be adapted for these babies - so maybe back rubbing rather than patting, humming rather than shushing.  You can play around with it and find what works for him.

This link has basically all the how-tos in it, it may help!
Starting EASY - all you need to know and more!

[mrs_whalley]

hello and thank you for you reply weaver

i have just put seb down for his third nap of the day and i'll be honest i was dreading it that much i was very close to just putting him in his pram and rolling him around like i normally do but glad i saw your post back, i took him up at 3.15 with the intention of getting him down for 3.30 he kicked up a bit of a fuss but nothing like what i was experiencing earlier i took your advice and held him while singing and allowed him to get quite drowsy that his eyes were dropping but i put him down he woke very briefly and i continued to sing and gently hold his chest and he was asleep for 3.50 my naps times are running very late today due to him having a bad night and  waking at 8am but i want to get him used to naps being regular then hopefully night time will reflect a positive change in time aswell.

I do agree with him being a touchy or spirited he definatly shows the traits of the type other the other types so i am sure i am going to have my work cut out, at the moment i am watching the clock seeing how long we can get this nap to last for he must be shattered after a only an hour of total sleep all day poor thing but i will be checking out your link thanks so much again weaver.

Donna xx

[weaver]

The other thing is that sleep training can be hard work so cut yourself some slack!  Glad I was able to help.