starting easy 3 week old.

[hulagirl]

Hi.
I am struggling with my 3 week old.
I have a 16 month old who has been on easy from 4 months,he self settles and apart from some early Wu and reflux he has been fab.

Now my 3 week old is completely different to him.
She is on 2.5-3 hr feeds depending on her nap (if she wakes early she wants food there and then regardless of when she last fed but then only takes a bit of a feed. (40-60ml at 2hrs whereas at 3hrs she will have 80-100ml and be happy till next feed

I try to get her down for a nap or for Bt after 45min to 1hr with a combo of rocking, shussing and dummy sometimes she will settle in two min other times its 2hrs especially after middle of night feed and if it takes that long by the time I have settled its almost time for another feed. So feels never ending.
I keep it dark and quiet at night and bright and noisy during the day.
I have swaddled from day one but she tries to escape and manages it most of the time but I do it every nap time.
If I put her in her Moses basket drowsy but awake she just lays there for 10min and then starting crying getting more workedup till I pick her up.

I have tried not to feed to sleep but it doesn't always work and she will settle for a long nap either on me or in bednext to me 
(my son was the same which is why I started easy at 4 month s but 4 months seems so far away this time.
We are trying to rule out if she has silent reflux atm (have doctors appointment on Tuesday)

I want to start a routine with her and get her to settle better at nap and bed time but just don't know where to start, can't seem to get my head round where to start.
I am not expecting her to sleep through but just not wake for a feed every 2 hrs she does sometimes go 4-5 hrs. So I know she can do it.

I did have the baby whisperer book but leant to my neighbour and they are on holiday for 3weeks.

Can someone just talk me through where to start

I feel like such crap mum my 16 month old is not getting much attention as its taking so long to settle her.
I just want her to settle better and to get her to 3 hrs for feeds

sorry for rambling and for the essay. X

[jessmum46]

Have a look here: Starting EASY - all you need to know and more!

In all honesty though given she is 3 weeks old I would just do what it takes to get you both some rest.  Try to remember back to your pre-BW days, what did you do with your DS?  I know my DD was almost always fed to sleep at that age (or fell asleep in car/pram/bouncy chair), I knew nothing about BW so just did what seemed natural to me, I didn't know about props or A times so didn't stress about it!  Sometimes knowledge can be a bad thing.....

But also if silent reflux could be an issue, that needs addressing first.  Reflux can be very disruptive to sleep and it may be she is waking more frequently that you would ideally like/expect at night because she is uncomfortable.  I would comfort her all she needs if that's the case and enjoy the snuggles with your newborn.  This stage doesn't last long and you will never regret cuddles! 

[hulagirl]

Hi thanks for your reply.
With ds even with the reflux he was a textbook baby he went straight on to 3hr feeds, would drink his milk in about 20min  and after a quick cuddle would-be asleep.
Now dd will start screaming for food anywhere between 2-2.5 hrs she can make 3 hrs if she naps till her ext feed.
She takes between 45min and 1hr to eat. I start winddown at 45 min awake time but it can take aother 45min or longer to get her to sleep this involves rocking etc (if I put her in her Moses basket drowsey she just lays there awake then after a few min starts screaming)  so ds is basically being ignored for all that time
This is what I want to change but I have no idea how

[jessmum46]

When are you counting your A time from?  If she feeds for 45 mins to 1h, but you start winddown at 45 mins do you mean you do feed then straight away do winddown, or do you do feed, 45 mins A time then winddown?

A time is actually everything eyes open to eyes shut (sorry if you know this already) so includes eating time

What about just feeding and popping her in a sling so you can get on with your day and give attention to DS?

[hulagirl]

Hi thank you for your reply
yeah I start wind down at 45min (or as soon after she has finished feeding)
This is our day yesterday.
5.45am Wu
e 100ml
wd 6.30am s 6.55 in Moses basket in bedroom
Wu 7.55 unhappy crying
e 8.15am 70ml
put in sling slept off and on till next feed
e 11.15am 100ml
wd 12pm
s 12.30pm in sling off and on till next feed
E 2pm 85ml
wd 3pm
s 3.20pm in car seat as had docs
e 5pm 100ml
wd 5.45
cried constantly from 6pm- 9pm tried everything rocking, etc
feed
7pm 100ml
8pm 60ml
9pm 70ml
still wanted more milk but couldn't physically take anymore
tried dummy was exhausted bit couldn't get to sleep.
Finally fell asleep at 9.30pm

so we have got gaviscon which we will start tomorrow and go back in 3 weeks if not worked.
We have pretty much had same routine for last two days.

I am happy to have her in the sling to sleep but she is getting to the point where she won't nap in her Moses basket which am worried will cause more problems later on.

[jessmum46]

I think she's starting her day OT from such a short night, do you actually start your day at 5.45am?  I would have fed and put straight back down at that time, no A time or winddown as such ie treat as a night feed.  What time do you ideally want to start your day?

By evening I think the OT has properly kicked in, hence the struggling to settle and appearing to want more milk.  When babies are tired they will root because sucking is comforting, not because they are actually hungry (I think you probably realised that from your comment about her wanting more milk and not being able to take any).  My DD was exactly like this at this age, I was often up until after midnight with her feeding on and off, rocking, cuddling etc until she would finally fall asleep in my arms and I could put her down in the Moses basket.  It sounds like your first LO was a dream baby if he didn't go through this phase, but in my experience almost all babies do have unsettled evenings in the first few weeks and it is normal.  Overstimulation will play a part, especially with an older LO around but there's not a lot you can do about that.

I know you are worried about independent sleeping and sleeping in the Moses, but I think few (if any) of DDs naps at this age were in there.   If she did nap there it was because I'd held her until sleeping and then put her down, not because I spent time shh patting or anything like that.  It's too much (IMO) to expect independent sleep at this age,  LO has been carried and rocked constantly for 9 months so why wouldn't they need your help?  It was probably nearer 3 months that she started taking more naps in the moses, but even then would often end up in the bouncy chair by the end of the day as she got harder to settle.  I really think you will be able to enjoy this time more if you lower your expectations and do what you need to do to get you and LO some rest and be able to spend time with your toddler .  You will probably find that nearer 3-4 months it will be much easier to get LO into the Moses for sleeps (and she will learn independent sleep much quicker).

Don't forget as well that she has a potential reflux issue - and as I said in my first post if that is not resolved then expecting a good routine and easy settling really isn't realistic.  I hope the Gaviscon starts to help x

[hulagirl]

Hi thanks for your reply.
We start our day at 6am (ds gets up then) and I have been trying to do tanking up at 5pm and 7pm then down for the night but it is very hit and miss if she settles then
Bt routine is massage and pjs on and bottle for 7pm.

I thought that night was fine its what we did with ds from this age
I am confused as throughout the book it says to start letting baby self settle from the beginning but others have said there is not much point as it won't happen yet.
X

[Miamamma]

Hi. I'm in a very similar position to you so I'm following along if that's ok. I have a 3 week old and a 26 month old. I wish I could offer great advice but just got 'you're not the only one' support instead! I am starting to accept that #2 isn't the dream sleeper that I ordered and have adjusted my expectations accordingly!

[hulagirl]

Miamamma
Thank you for your reply. Thanks for your support but sorry your going through this too.
well as of today I have changed things up a bit as regardless of what people have said I couldn't just wait it out as it was really effecting my toddler
so yesterday  was like this
up at 7am
e can't remember how much
swaddled for first nap and she slept for 1hr  in moses basket
then popped out to get toddler out of the house
10am eat
sleep in sling
1pm eat
sleep in car seat as we popped out
4pm eat
sleep in sling
5.30pm eat
Sleep in Moses basket
8.30pm eat
changed ready for bed, massage finish bottle in Moses asker asleep for 9.30pm
She woke for a feed at 1am
so at 10am, 1 pm, 4pm, 530pm and 8.30pm feed she had infacol and gaviscon and we have had no fussing and a nice chilled out baby.
I feel better as I have a loose routine in place with some naps in Moses basket and not feeding to sleep so feel more in control and have time for my toddler
hope you had a good day too.
X

[jessmum46]

Great day, well done

You are correct that Tracy does say to start as you mean to go on with independent sleeping, but it's the collective experience of members here that even with starting good habits from the get-go that most babies still need a good bit of help for the first few weeks.  For that reason many mums choose to just get sleep by whatever means for the first few weeks and then sleep train at a slightly later point.  The first 3 months are often known as the fourth trimester, so sleep training after this point can often be quicker and easier.  But you absolutely have to do what feels right for your family

[Miamamma]

It looks like you're a few steps ahead of me with regards to any kind of structure. Good work! I need to sort out DDs discomfort first as he is suffering from gas and spitting up a lot which makes me suspect reflux. The sling us going to be my best friend for the next few weeks I think!