How to not be stressed... please tell me not to worry!

[deliriouscow]

We started BW when DS was around 13 weeks I think. I had an awful time getting him to self settle and an even worse time cutting out night feeds when he was 7 months. He us a wonderful sleeper now.

DD is 4 weeks and I'm terrified about the same AP patterns emerging. She really wants to be fed to sleep every nap.

She's BF and gaining well. She was 8lb 2 at birth. At night she's going 3-4.5 hours between feeds and 1.5-3 hours during the day.

Please tell me not to worry too much about nap length/napping on us and that it will all be fine.

[hulagirl]

Hi
I could of written your post. I have a 4 week old and I am trying not to stress about bad habits starting and when and where to start a good routine. I got so hung up n routine and naps etc with my first and I really don't want to this time round.

Sorry am not much help but just wanted to say your not alone.

[*happy*]

Just wanted to drop off hugs&tell you it *will* all be
fine.there will be good days&harder days,but you're at
an advantage already in that you know about APing etc.
At 4wks,your LO is still very tiny-enjoy those snuggles!
I wish i had taken each day/nap!as it came with DD
instead of worrying about what next week would bring.

If you are v keen to change some things now,what would you
see as most problematic?x

[deliriouscow]

I think her being able to sleep without a boob in her mouth is the thing that would be most difficult to fix when she's bigger. From experience, stretching times between Es is not too hard to do, and A times change a lot as baby grows anyway. I don't mind cuddling to sleep at this stage. She has daytime naps in the carrycot at the moment as we have a toddler so need to be able to get out, so I don't have much issue with extending her naps with movement.

Probably I need to work on keeping EAS in order.

[*happy*]

There,see?!your mamma-instinct is working just fine!
You have no need to worry!DD was a rascal for
falling asleep at the boob too-BTDT!i used to do a nappy
change,or hand her to someone else,even just for 2mins,
and that helped us.x

[deliriouscow]

Thank you. There's a lot going on here at the mo - my husband's parents are over from abroad and we haven't seen them in over a year, and last week was my first week without my husband at home to help. And I can't drive yet post-section. I think overtiredness plus all of that was just making me a little irrational!

[deliriouscow]

Good morning!

Feeling much more positive this morning.Fed baby at 8 and she went down for a nap at 9 without needing a feed to get to sleep. She howled before sleeping in my arms but I think it was a mantra cry. If was loud but very repetitive and when she stopped after a couple of minutes she fell asleep very quickly. I then put her in the pram and she's still sleeping. Rocked it briefly half an hour in go her sleep. She was OT after a crap night so waking at 30 mins was expected.

I've been assuming that the loud cry when she's tired can only be solved by feeding but it seems that it will pass and she'll sleep without it. 4 weeks 5 days today

[*happy*]

Hun,you're doing great!
I was super anxious re the mantra cry v real cry with
DD,but i figured it out in the end by v v careful
listening.it's hard.not sure if it's something that you
want to do,but DD loved to suck-still sucks her 2
middle fingers going to sleep!so we started using a
dummy to help that cry-before-sleep issue.we let her
suck that or our finger to settle&tried to take it ov
 before she was fully asleep,kwim?just my
experience though,having had a v sucky baby&a mamma
with v sore boobs that needed a little time-off!

[deliriouscow]

We are doing a lot of watching. Baby is 5 weeks today.

We've done what you suggested - she's very sucky but prefers a finger to a boob when she's trying to get off to sleep. (unless she's really OT). So  I've been letting her suck my finger for a bit then putting her down in the pram. She isn't coordinated enough to suck her own fingers and my husband won't agree to using a dummy.

She seems to have pretty short A times. Maybe she's just got an OT problem that needs sorted out, but I just put her down for a nap after an A time of 45 minutes as she was yawning a lot and just wanted to suck.

We had a rubbish night last night as she was bothered with a sore stomach and poos through the night. I've bought the No Cry Sleep Solution book too which should be an interesting read.

[deliriouscow]

I think she's just quite a sleepy baby. She's really difficult to keep awake at times. I tried waking her this afternoon as we were past 3 hours since the last feed and I was uncomfortable. She fed very sleepily, but wouldn't be roused and slept for 20 more minutes before waking.

I'm looking forward to my husband's parents going home and us having more time at home to focus on having a bit more structure rather than having to be led by other people. I think DS, DD and I need some time to find a system that works for the three of us.

[deliriouscow]

Not so sleepy between 7pm and midnight last night. I couldn't put her down. Yawn.

[Layla]

(((hugs))) hon, don't be stressed and please don't worry! I've also btdt and dd2 was either fed, rocked, bounced to sleep until she was 4mo. She was too a very sucky baby and when we finally sleep trained her, she started sucking on her blanket to self soothe. Before that she was snacking on the boob and catnapping all day long...

I also had great difficulty soothing dd3 towards the evening - she was exhausted but just wouldn't go to sleep! She was really fussy and it peaked around 6-7 weeks and soon after that she started sleeping longer stretches at night.

I am sure you'll be able to find a system that works for you all in due time

[deliriouscow]

Thank you

[deliriouscow]

We had a great night last night with lots of self settling. Today's been good for long naps, but she's been really sick - projectile vomiting a couple of times. Tonight she's unsettled but I would be too if I kept puking.

[*happy*]

Aw,poor pet.hope it's out of her system now.x

[deliriouscow]

She seems to be much better now she slept pretty much the whole day yesterday but not so much at night. She's just gone down for a nap in her pram - sucking my finger to get off to sleep. We've unsuccessfully tried a couple of different kinds of dummy. She gags. I think I'm going to see if I can source a preemie one as she has quite a small mouth. I'd be happy with her sucking a dummy or her fingers. My finger is less than ideal.

[*happy*]

Lol!i remember those days!MAM do quite small dummies,
have you tried them?or can you guide her own
fingers to her mouth?

[deliriouscow]

Thanks. She gets angry if I try to put her own fingers near her mouth. We have ordered MAM dummies from eBay. Thanks for the recommendation.

I can definitely see that things are improving. She went 6 hours between feeds last night.

One issue we do have is her being awake at night. Usually after her second night feed she thinks it'stime to smile and play, and I can't get her back to  sleep until she's had her 1hr ish A time. Is this normal enough?

She is 6 weeks old now

[*happy*]

it might be trial & error with the dummies....DD was sucking her fingers within hours at the hospital!!!!but we found the dummies very handy when she didn't have enough control...

Is this normal enough?

tbh hun, DD didn't do this, so i'm not sure!!!sorry!!!FTM here too!!!
at 6 weeks though, she's still very young!maybe she's a little mixed up between day & night???

[deliriouscow]

The MAM one makes her gag too. So I reckon we're just going to give up on dummies. She's beginning to be able to suck her hands anyway.

I think you're right. She has her longest sleep at the start of the night and by 3 or 4am she thinks it's morning!

[*happy*]

Bummer re the dummies!it was worth a shot i guess.
She sounds like me-im wide awake by4am too at
the moment!

[deliriouscow]

I'm back

Baby is now 10 weeks.

Nights were getting better bit have gone downhill this week. Wilne nback tomorrow but just wanted to paste the sample under 3mo routine here for my reference.

3-hour E.A.S.Y. (under 4 months old)
E:  7:00 wake up and feed
A:  7:30 or 7:45 (depending on how long feed takes)
S:  8:30 (1.5 hour nap)
Y:  Your choice
E:  10:00
A:  10:30 or 10:45
S:  11:30 (1.5 hour nap)
Y:  Your choice
E:  1:00
A:  1:30 or 1:45
S:  2:30 (1.5 hour nap)
Y:  Your choice
E:  4:00 feed
S:  5:00 or 6:00 or somewhere in between:  catnap (approximately 40 minutes) to get Baby through the next feed and bath
E:  7:00 (cluster feed at 7:00 and 9:00 if going through a growth spurt)
A:  bath
S:  7:30 bedtime
Y:  The evening is yours!
E:  10:00 or 11:00 dream feed

[deliriouscow]

We are going to work on getting the wee one into something close to this EASY. I think 3 hours between feeds is manageable and an awake time of 1hr 15 seems about right at the moment so we'll be looking at slightly longer naps than 1.5 hours. Also we will start a consistent bedtime routine today. I will chat with my husband but I doubt it will involve a bath as she doesn't like the water much so that wouldn't be a relaxing end to the day! Probably feed and story.

She self settles about 50% of the time which I think is very good for 10 weeks so I have no concerns there.

[deliriouscow]

Right, I'm back after a couple of days of tweaking and observing. Today has taught us that 1hr 30 is a good A time for a decent nap.

However there's not much consistency elsewhere! We were getting longer night stretches a couple of weeks ago. Now things are all over the place. And evenings are really bizarre. She just wants to feed and catnap from 7pm til 9 or 10 at which point she conks out. Maybe it's just too soon to bring in a bedtime routine where she goes to bed upstairs without us? She's 11 weeks tomorrow. I think I might work on having 3 hourly feeds during the day and decent naps but wait a couple of weeks to tackle evenings.

Does this sound like a plan?

[deliriouscow]

After deciding not to worry and just take things as they come for a while, my wee monkey had a textbook day yesterday apart from falling asleep on the sofa at night. She wasn't keen on the dream feed but then SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!

This baby is textbook/angel. So different from my first who was spirited/textbook.

[Layla]

Sounds like she's doing really well . Don't give up on the bedtime routine - we introduced one around this time and even though she would sometimes treat her bedtime as another nap, with consistency, it didn't take long for her to learn otherwise. Also in my opinion 1.5hrs is a good enough nap. Also don't be discouraged if your EASY doesn't look exactly as the one you posted. It is good to have a routine to aim towards but it's also good to be realistic and a lot of parents struggle with 45min naps around this age and it may not have to do with A times - it can be developmental.

Great to hear she can self settle - it is a step in the right direction

[deliriouscow]

We left off on bedtime until I felt more able to tackle it and read up on some posts on here. Tonight I tried it again and it took me an hour to get her to settle but once I did she's been fine in the room on her own. We are much more settled in 3 hour easy during the day now so I felt it was a good time to sort out nights. I really could do with some space in the evening too so this is a good time for everyone.

Will keep updating about how we're getting on.

[deliriouscow]

Just wanted to update. My wee one is now 13 weeks. We've had all sorts of issues with 50 minute naps over the past week. Nights have involved many more wakenings and less predictability.  I think it's time to increase A times and stretch feeds. This isn't s growth spurt as she's not terribly hungry.

Starting to stretch A times today.

[MarciaMSPT]

Wanting to encourage you NOT to stress about it all too much.  I did and it landed me with severe anxiety issues and had to go spend a week with my folks as I could not be alone due to the intense anxiety that napping times caused me.  I'm on some meds now.

it does get better - I know you are tired of hearing that but it does... our 5 mo old has been sleeping through the night at 10 weeks and does two good naps and a CN right now.  I'm having trouble getting him to resettle himself when awakes but have posted that question in the nap section.

Hang in there!  No one told me motherhood would be this hard - especially when you care enough about your LO to ensure routine, predictability and good rest.

Hugs!