Need help with GW…he throws up

[B J]

DS will be 2 in 2 weeks.  I’ve been doing GW for months now as BT has become increasingly difficult.  He wants me to stay in the room and lie down beside his crib and hold his hand or sit with me on the chair.  I made it to just sitting outside his door but we’ve regressed over the last few days.
 
Some nights he is fine and I’ll just sit outside his door with it open just a crack and he is quiet. Other nights he protests, calling for me, throwing out his lovey, asking for a drink, etc. etc.   I keep repeating my sleepy phrase but some nights he gets so worked up to the point that he throws up.  What should I be doing when that happens?  I have been going in to clean him up and then I just hold him in the chair until he falls asleep because by this point it is way past BT.
 
Over the last week, he’s not happy with me just lying on the floor in his room and I’ve been scared to hold the line with GW since he may throw up. Plus I’ve been sick so I don’t have the energy to hold firm.  So I’ve given in and stayed in his room and held him to sleep some nights.

We’ve also been dealing with NWs and EWs for 3 months now and I am exhausted and don’t know how to fix it.  I’ve tried meds at BT and DF meds.  Can’t see a difference.  We have the odd night he STTN, but most nights he will have NWs.  I wait and see if he really needs me before going in. The odd time he will go back to sleep, but most times he is calling for me and won’t settle until I go in.  He used to be fine if I lied down beside the crib and held his hand and he’d fall back asleep.  The last few nights he wants me to pick him up and hold him.  I know these are both props and I really want to get him back to sleeping independently.
 
How should I handle the NWs when he wants me as a prop?  GW?  WIWO will just get him too worked up and really upset.
 
His wake up time and BT varies because each night is a fight so I can never get him asleep by a set time.  Roughly here is our routine:
 
Wake 6:00 ish
Nap 12:40 – 2:10 (He naps at day care and he sleeps about 1h 15 – 1h 30 lately)
BT 8:00 – 8:30 (I aim to have him in bed by 7:15 but he protests for so long before he crashes)

[anna*]

((((hugs)))) that is hard.

OK first thing is, I think he's probably a bit overtired and bedtime needs to be earlier. Like, in bed for 6, asleep for 6.30.

My daughter is the exact same age so I know how incredibly stubborn they can be. So, if he's happy, do as you have been doing and leave the room. If he calls for you, don't respond at all unless he is crying. No sleepy phrase, just leave him - just as you would leave a baby gurgling in his cot.

Also, you are going to have to expect sleep to be a long time coming. If you give up because it's 'way past bedtime', you won't get anywhere. You have to stay consistent no matter how late it gets.

So once he gets upset I would go into the room before he gets to that point of making himself sick. Say firmly something like "Oh now what's the matter! This is a lot of noise! What do you need?" Help him find his lovey and lie down.

Now this is what I do with my daughter. I say, "Honey wait there for one moment. Mama has to pee. I will be back in one moment." Then I leave the room, close the door, and IMMEDIATELY go back in. I stay with her until she's calm again. Then say, "Mama has to go wash hands. I will be back in one minute." Then go out, close the door, wait a moment longer, then go back in. After a few cycles of this she is waiting calmly for me and I can extend the amount of time each time I go out, and eventually just stay out and she falls asleep.

If he is having a tantrum about wanting to hold him to sleep, well what can I say. You are going to need to find a way to deal with it. I would pick him up and hold him until he's calm, if that is LITERALLY THE ONLY way that he will not throw up, BUT I would rock him, calm him, but all the time be saying "Sleeping in your cot sweetie. Mummy is here. I will help you. But going to sleep in your cot tonight." Just like you wouldn't give him a cookie if he was having a tantrum about it right before dinner.

How does he go to sleep for naps does this all play out the same way? I feel like bringing bedtime forward might help, it sounds a lot like OT behaviour.

[B J]

Thanks so much for your response Anna.

I’ll try your techniques tonight.  When you say you go back in the room and stay with her, do you just sit in there?  I know he'll be standing up and reaching out for me to pick him up.
 
I agree with the OT.  It’s chronic OT because we’ve been getting 10 hour nights for so long now that 10 hours has become a “good” night.  It is hard to get him to bed earlier though.  We don’t get home until 5:15 and then we have dinner, bath and wind down.  I tell DH that I hate the “evening shift” as it is a circus getting both boys to eat dinner, go up for bath and then settle down for BT.  It’s a drawn out affair and after their bath they want to play.  We give them 10 minutes to play and then we start trying to separate them for wind down.  DS2 used to have a fit when he had to leave DS1’s room for BT, but he’s gotten better at leaving when I tell him it’s time to say good night.  But then when we go to his room, there’s more stalling.  He’s not interested in books lately, so we sit and finish his milk and try to brush his teeth.  We’ll have a cuddle and I have to coax him into going into his bed.  If I try and get him in the crib before he’s ready and willing, then we’ll have a battle for sure.  Lately he is not interested in going in his crib at all.  Last few nights he’s fallen asleep on the floor or on his chair!  And then I move him to his crib.

 Last night I put him in his crib protesting and he cried for less than 5 minutes before he threw up.  He also got one leg propped up on the crib trying to get out but he doesn’t have the strength to climb out yet.

 Even getting him to go into his crib is a battle.  Do I just pick a time and say it’s bedtime, time to go in your crib and put him in there?

With naps at daycare he goes to sleep independently with no issues.  On the weekends he puts up the same fight as BT, so we have ended up just A/P a nap in the car on weekends.  Not ideal, but it’s the only way to get him to nap these days.

[anna*]

I would make dinner as quick and easy as you can. Even a sandwich that he can eat on the way home. Skip the bath. Getting to bed early has to be your priority right now.

Yeh, I wouldn't even enter into a battle about going in his crib. After the wind-down, in he goes. Like, he can pitch a fit about going in his car seat, but he still has to go in, right? Same thing.

If being in his room calms him, then do that. But it sounds like that might make him more angry than if you were out of the room. You could try sitting right next to his crib but NOT holding his hand, not touching him, and telling him that if he wants you to stay he has to lie down and be quiet. My daughter can understand that. So, you will help him to sleep but he has to at least try to sleep, you are not going to stay and watch him have a bit tantrum.

If he throws up, you clean him up, calm him down, give lots of cuddles - but he's still going to have to go to sleep in his cot. I'm sorry to say this but if he figures out that crying til he gets sick is going to get him to sleep in your arms, that's what he's going to do.

((((hugs)))) I know how hard this is and I'm here to hold your h and through it. This is a hard hard age for sleep training, but we have to remember that they are still just babies, and as much as they tell us what they 'want', that is definitely not always what they need.

[B J]

A quick update:
In bed by 6:00 pm
Cried for 1.5 hours
Asleep 7:37

I felt like I was rushing him through BT and the routine was not the norm.  He protested going into his crib, but I put him in anyways and left.  He cried and cried.  Threw out his lovey many times, asked for milk, water.  I went back in to give him back his lovey and a drink but didn't say much and left right away.  I ended up going in many times for his demands, but i felt that it was better he saw me, kinda like WIWO, so that he didn't feel abandoned.  Finally after crying for his lovey at 7:30 I handed it back to him and he lied down and was quiet and fell asleep. He didn't throw up either.

Even though it took 1.5 hours, it was a lot less stressful for me not having to be in the room and being able to ignore his cries.  I actually got some work done and just watched him on the monitor and went in when needed. 

Thanks for the support!

[B J]

We had an NW at 3:30 too.  He was calling for me, asking to be held, asking for milk (?!!)  I did WIWO.  He was hysterical, and kept throwing out his lovies. I offered water but told him there was no milk.  He got mad and didn't want his water and threw it.  I had to keep going in to check on him as he was trying to climb out of the crib!  After about 22 min he gave up and lied down with his lovies after I gave them back to him and was asleep. 

So not bad at all.  I'm just concerned about the climbing out now.  With practice, he may eventually fall out.  I didn't want to have to take the side of the crib yet (his crib turns into a day bed).  I want to get thru the sleep training first.

[anna*]

Is he wearing a sleeping bag at night? Sounds like great progress!

[B J]

He used to wear a sleeping bag but then started refusing to wear it.  Doesn't like a blanket either.  This is another battle that we have every day.  He has become quite the fashionista and is very picky about what he wears.  At night he wants to wear a t-shirt and shorts to sleep! 

[anna*]

What if you took him out to pick out his own sleeping bag? Just thinking it might keep him safe in his crib a while longer.

[B J]

Good idea with the sleep bag to keep him safe.  He definitely needs to start wearing one again as winter is approaching.

Well last night we had a very good night.  He was in bed for 6:05.  He protested about going in his crib, but hardly any crying.  A few call backs about his lovies and wanting more milk, but then he lied down and was quiet!  It took him an hour to fall asleep though.  Not sure if he just wasn't tired or if it's the 2 year regression stuff making him take long to fall asleep.

I heard him cry at at 3:20 am and he moaned for mommy, but then went back to sleep! 

He woke just before 5:30 am this morning, but waited quietly for the sun. 

I've been giving him lots of praise for sleeping in his crib and waiting for the sun.  Hopefully we've turned the corner.  I was expecting a few rough nights before things got better.  Thank you so much for your support and advice.  I really needed someone to push me to do what I should have done a long time ago to get us out of this mess. 

[anna*]

What a wonderful update! Well done to you both. My daughter is going through a bit of sleep madness too, as two approaches, but it's fantastic that he was happy to lie quietly and wait for sleep. Well done to you both, just brilliant.