Thanks Layla. No need to apologize -- I think you're amazing for replying at all with 3 kids!
So I've been thinking a lot last night and today trying to 'self diagnose'. I have an app on my phone that tracks when he sleeps and eats. I was looking back at how much total sleep he was getting in a day and even when he was itty bitty (and theoretically sleeping as much as he needed to and all the time) he was only getting 15 to 16 hours, 17 on a few days. And since then, he's been getting in the 14-16 range, and getting 16 is few and far between. So maybe he has LSN and I'm just not embracing that? Thinking back on it, he was always super happy when he was little including before bedtime. This when I used to be distraught thinking he wasn't napping enough and not getting enough total sleep. And yesterday is another great example of that.. after a super short first nap he was very happy, smiling at everyone when we went out and playing independently.
This leads me to my second thought: I think a lot of the time he may have been UT when I thought he was OT. He would do 30min naps a lot which I thought always meant OT, but he was always waking happy. I can remember putting him down thinking, 'I don't think you're that tired' and then him waking at 30 min.. then I would question my instincts bc I thought he must have been OT if he did a 30 min nap.. thinking now that whole time he was UT. I think BWSAYP plus about every sleep site out there gave me such a fear of OT that perhaps I wasn't trusting myself.
When we were on 4 naps a day, for the first 8 weeks or so I was having him sleep independently in his cot for every nap except maybe one nap a day when we were out and about. But when he started short napping, around 10 weeks (which again was probably some UT), getting him to sleep and stay asleep started being extremely taxing on me.. It was just exhausting all the shh patting and the stressing! So I started doing one nap a day together to give myself a break. He has never been a great pram sleeper, so even if we did one nap a day in the pram, it was definitely not stress free.
I think we got into trouble when we went to 3 naps a day: I think I may have been putting him down UT for his first nap, which led to a 30min nap some days (other days 1hr or 1hr 20). But then to avoid the second nap being way too early, I would hold off on putting him down for that for another 2 hours or so, which then led to an OT nap. So when he woke up from his first nap he'd be happy and I'd give up trying to get him back to sleep and we'd just move on.. but when he woke up from his second nap early he was still clearly tired. When that happened, I would usually first try shh patting and if that didn't work after 15 minutes or so, take him to my bed where he would instantly fall asleep (and the APing begins in ernest!). Then I started to waffle, thinking it wasn't fair starting him for his nap one way and then finishing another.. so I said 'ok, how about every other day I'll nap with him the full nap'. That's what I've been doing it except for the past couple of weeks, where I've been doing probably 5 out of 7 days together the second nap out of pure laziness. Should also add that when he short naps nap 2, it means that he needs his 3pm feed right when he needs to go back to sleep, which drives me bonkers.
I do want to stop the habit. I love it in many ways, but he's got to learn to do it on his own. This is not to say he doesn't nap through transitions ever. We were in a good streak for a couple of weeks before my initial posting this time where he was doing 1hr to 1hr20min his first nap. And I would watch him transition himself. And when he first started doing the long afternoon nap, he was doing it himself. Sometimes he would wake up mantra crying but was able to put himself back to sleep many days. I think I've gotten really bad about napping with him the last couple of weeks bc his first nap has gone to sh*t. Plus I've gone gun-shy and started doubting myself about what is a mantra cry.
When I say the first nap has gone bad, it's bc we've been having this 20 min nap business and sometimes him having trouble getting to sleep at all. That is all very unusual for him.. usually a short nap meant 30min and usually getting to sleep is really easy.. it's the staying asleep part that's been tough for him. I did have a thought today: I wonder if him struggling to get to sleep (which again is very unusual) could have something to do with teething? But he's not having any problem on night sleep.. is it possible for teething to cause daytime sleep troubles but not nighttime?
Does all that make sense? The days all start to run together, which makes it hard to remember things.. like it feels like he's been doing these bad morning naps forever now, but it's really only been a week or so.
Ok so yesterday went like this:
- 7am woke him up, E
- 8am solids
- 9:35 asleep (big yawn at 9:25 but not other signs of tiredness, put him down at 9:30)
- slept for only 20min and woke up crying and sucking his thumb. Mantra cried on and off, falling asleep for 5-10 min at a time till he got upset a bit before 11am and I went in to get him and he was totally happy to see me and be awake.
- 11am E
- 12:30 solids
- 1:35 sleep (planned to put him down earlier but he was so happy!, couldn't quite get full to sleep.. kept sucking thumb and then it would fall out and he'd startle and try again.. mantra cried but then escalated.. went in to settle him and he fell back asleep for 10 min but couldn't stay asleep.. got him out of cot at 3pm)
- 3pm E
- napped in pram at 5pm, woke him at 5:30
- Fussy and ready for bed very quickly after that nap, asleep for night at 7pm, went to sleep right away and slept soundly
Today:
- Woke at 6am and talked to himself for a couple of minutes then fell asleep again till I woke him at 7am
- 7am E
- 8am solids
- 9:30 sleep (fussed a bit at 9:20 so we started stories but then he was happy again, decided to hold to 2 1/2hr A so went ahead and put him down. He went right away to his thumb but kept startling awake (no crying). He woke for good at 30 min.. though tough to know if it was a 30min sleep or a 20min one. Let him cry for 5-10 min then went in and he smiled at me. Thought it was useless so picked him up but then he started really crying. Put him back in cot and he alternated bt crying, smiling at me, and staring at the wall. Shh'd him till 10:30 and then gave it up.) No clue whether that was UT or OT!!! That is what makes me most mad at myself.. that I can't distinguish the two! In retrospect, I probably should have left him longer to try and work this out himself before going in the room.)
- 10:50am E
- 11:50am solids
- 12:15 Sleep (started to get fussy a little after 12pm, so took him upstairs and skipped stories altogether in favor of getting him down. Sleep was very fitful, with him startling a lot.. very weird behaviour.. woke fully at 40 min, mantra cried for a few min but then escalated. I left him for about 15 min and then tried to settle him with no luck)
- 2:50 E
- 3:40 asleep in pram (drifted off for a total of 2hrs 40min A time)
- woke him at 4:30 (funny that his longest nap was his 'catnap')
- in cot at 6:25 and asleep at 6:35
He always seems relatively happy after short naps. And I don't know if that's just bc he's a happy kid, or bc he needs more A. That being said, OT does build for him through the day when he short naps. Like today he was fine after his second short nap, but then after waking from the 'catnap' was a bit more fussy than normal.
I think I might start doing a very anti-BW thing: giving him a 'nap hour'. I think the Baby Sleep Site and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child recommend it. Basically leaving them for an hour after you put them down (excluding the cat nap time). I'm thinking of doing this bc me trying to settle him works about 1 in 50 times and I get crazy stressed by it... as in crying crib side. It seems backwards but staying out of the room is easier for me than being there with him. I just get too worked up myself. Plus sometimes I think he may be actually mantra crying when I think he's escalating.. and trying to decipher between the two is difficult some days. Thoughts?
Thank you so much for your help! I can't tell you how good it feels to write this all down and get some help. If ever I talk to family or friends I get the 'it will work itself out' or 'stop stressing' or 'he's sleeping nights, so it's fine' etc. That's not helpful, you know?!
I'm going to keep at the 2 1/2 hrs first A time tomorrow and see what happens, unless you tell me otherwise. I'm also going to keep not napping with him, even though it does make the day harder on both of us... And we have Gymboree tomorrow in the afternoon at the perfect time IF he takes a long 2nd nap but a horrible time if he short naps it.. Ah!
Thanks again!!!
