Started watching my neice 3 days a week Sooo lost, advice please.

[mommybear!]

So EASY worked great for my lo.  She is 11 months now and on a routine.  My mother is okay but took ill and was my niece's full time daycare.  Now I have a 2 yr old(almost 3)  three days a week.  I'm so lost.
My niece is not potty trained, no sleep routine (occasionally naps), almost no manners, eats all day.  And apparently watched tv all day too.
I don't even know where to begin.  First day went okay, second day I'm exhausted.  My lo is getting more upset from me dividing my attention.   
I don't even know if this is the right spot to post this.
Please help, I'm in desperate need of advice.

[Emami]

I started watching my neighbour's little girl twice a week a few months ago.  I found it really hard at first, and DD definitely did not like sharing me.  My situation may be easier because the girls are only 5 months apart in age and they do play together, but my point is it's much easier now that I've found my groove with the two of them.  And DD is excited for her friend to come over It's different than just having your own though for sure!

Have you talked to your mum or niece's parents about her routine (or lack of)?  My neighbour was pretty laidback about the whole thing too, and her daughter sleeps and eats whenever, so I just did what works for me and fits in with DD tbh.  If your niece doesn't nap every day can you lie her down for a while for quiet time?  I don't know if she is used to that, but I definitely think kids respond differently to their parents than to other carers, so she might go for it with you even if she doesn't at home.  Wrt when she eats - does she come to you with food or are you in charge of her meals?  If it's on you then I would give her a morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack (and dinner if she's still with you) and that's when the food is available.  She doesn't need to be picking at things all day.  If she comes with food I would still try to structure it a bit but I would probably be less bothered as it's up to her parents what they feed her and how they want it portioned.

If she's not potty trained then I would keep using diapers until you're advised otherwise!  It's not your responsibility to implement that.  If your niece tells you she needs to go then absolutely take her, or if her parents want her in underwear then I would respect that but otherwise don't worry about it.

Is this going to be a permanent thing or are you just getting by until your mum is better?

[mommybear!]

Thanks, it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one to have to adjust to a additional child with no routine.  I'm not sure if this will be permanent or not. 
She is use to snacking in front of the tv.  I tried giving her a covered snack cup when she asks but she is still getting it everywhere.  I was going to wait until my lo morning nap to give it to her but she asked prior too.  I'm scared to make too many changes too fast.  A lack of a routine is still a routine.  So I started with having her eat lunch in the dining room without the tv.  She doesn't sit long but didn't resist doing it.  So I don't know if I should cut her off for snack or try to get her to wait.
Potty Training- Apparently my sister potty trained her at one point but my mom did not follow through.  So she gives me a seat for the toilet and tells me if she looks like she needs to go put her on for 10 minutes with a book.  I tried once each day but my gut says this is not the best approach.  I haven't had a chance to read too much on potty training.  Important question: She is constipated for a week at a time. Is that normal?
Nap- I like the quiet time idea.  I felt bad though, she asked me "Auntie help me sleep."  I didn't know what to do except read her a book and try to make her comfortable.  It didn't work though.  She fell asleep today watching the tv.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

At that age not pooping for a week is not normal! I wonder if it is her diet or holding issues? Or both....

That aside, I find most kids are quite adaptable and learn quickly that just because something is okay at home does not mean it is the same at your house. If your rules is food in the dining area, then tell her it is what you do at your house. My neices are here sometimes and they follow the same rules as my kids do and they dont question it.

[mommybear!]

My sister says she holds it in.  Very small amounts of liquid poop come out and apparently she will have a large movement once a week.  So that's not normal? She claims her other two kids had the same thing.  I also discovered she was barely drinking anything.  Apparently the sippy cup was giving her trouble.  I gave her one of my lo sippy cups and she drank the whole thing and half of another.  So I'm not sure how much liquid an almost 3 yr old should be getting but I'm guessing that's part of the problem.
I guess you are right, children do adapt well.  I feel better hearing it though.  It's just I worked so hard to get my lo on a routine and was even starting to get more organized with cleaning.  Now I feel like I'm back to the beginning.  I must give credit to mothers of multiple kids. Good lord its exhausting! 

[michaeljacknnugg]

No, that is definitely not normal. And it won't be helping her potty train either.

At age 3 I think she would be fine with either an open cup or a sports-type bottle, if you are happy to go with either of those.

I don't watch family but occasionally have other children over to play with DS. It is very much 'in our house these are the rules' and kids are completely OK with that. DS knows that there are different rules when he goes elsewhere too.

So I would follow your LO's routine and work the other child around it, partly so that she gets a routine anad partly so your LO gets what she needs from you.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

No, pooping once a week is only within the realm of "normal" for an ebf infant. I would say for sure lack of fluids plays a part. I dont know much about holding issues but if you check out the potty training and /or health boards there are plenty of threads on it.

As for your own routines, it will get better as you adapt to having two lo's around...very different being thrown into having two older kids at once when one is not your own!

[grace annes mommy]

I don't watch any other LOs regularly, but often take my niece or my bffs LOs.  What helps me is to create a loose schedule in my head - just a simple outline of the day.  Something like

9:00 play inside
10:00 snack
10:30 play outside
11:30 coloring
12:00 lunch
etc.

Add in your LOs naps, etc and create activities around those.  Maybe adding screen time for times you know you're LO will need full attention, like for naps.  I think all kids crave routine, even if they aren't used to it and usually adjust well.

[~*Nicole*~]

I will say that I have watched other LOs on and off. Two points became clear:

1. You can change the rules and enforce what you prefer (less TV, eating at a table/in kitchen and structuring meal times, and having nap/quiet time, etc.) because kids are adaptable and will learn what is expected in different locations, even if they resist a bit at the beginning. BUT start off as you mean to go on or they will be confused. You let me do this and now you won't??

2. You can only offer food, potty times, nap times etc. Kid control what they eat and where they relieve themselves for the most part, and if they sleep. You can't force any of them. Just work towards creating the best environment for each and modeling good habits.

That said. If it's short term, I'd do what works best to get by. If it's long term, I'd work on enforcing what you'd like to become habit/routine in YOUR home to best coincide with you and your DD and your niece will benefit from knowing what to expect.