I think I might be done breastfeeding...

[Violet's mom]

Violet is just over 9 months.  She won't eat food and I feel like she isn't getting enough (she is pretty skinny and constantly nags me and has started taking 8+oz of EBM which I cannot keep up with).  I'm just so tired and feel very alone with this (friends and family think I'm weird - they all ff).  I'm so tired of getting up everyday between 2am and 4 am, and if by some miracle she sleeps through she has an early wAkeup between 5:30 and 6am. 
I just don't even know where to start with getting her to wean and she is so picky with food that she probably will hate formula.  I'm so exhausted today. 
I don't know what to do - I just want to enjoy my time with my daughter before I have to go back to work in 2 months but I am so run down.
Anyways just had to vent.  Just feeling alone.  I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow.  Probably getting AF.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

(((Hugs)))  I mixed fed my two older lo's, but when I did wean I did it super slow (and when they first had formula I had DH do those feeds).  The thing is, being on formula will not necessarily result in sttn though.  Does she only have EBM? You have done an awesome job to get this far with your lo!

[michaeljacknnugg]

Honey, you've done amazingly to get this far, especially as you've had to fight so hard to do so.

FWIW my DS self-weaned at 10.5 months, so even if you were not planning to encourage her onto formula then she might decide herself that breastfeeding is no longer for her.

Start offering formula instead of a couple of feeds a day and see how yoyu go. We'll be here to support you. Are you planning to go ot bottles or a sippy? If a sippy, a soft-spouted one worked for us.

[cuckoochick]

Sending hugs. I've found myself feeling like this a lot more this time around with G but realise that formula might not provide the magic sleep answers but if it makes you feel better then it's worth thinking about. Whatever you decide you are an amazing mama!

Is your LO doing BLW? I know milk is the most important before 1 but wondering if you could add more good fats/protein to her meals? Xxx

[Erin M]

Big (((hugs)))), dd2 and ds were both rubbish solids eaters at that point as well.  If it's any consolation, ds had a dream feed and a night feed at that age -- I dropped the df around 10 months and he dropped the night feed a month later.  Seemed like a miracle!  With my first, I did mixed feeding from about 8 months as I was working part time and I just couldn't deal with pumping at that point. 

[*Ali*]

When are you feeding her right now? Are some feeds from the breast and some ebm in a bottle?

Self weaning under 12-18mo is very rare and only happens gradually when LO is taking enough from other sources such as ff or solids which are not the case for your LO SO I wouldn't hold out for that anytime soon.

If she is having a bottle and you decide to introduce formula, what about mixing some formula with the EBM so the taste isn't so different? Then you can gradually increase the amount of formula and decrease the amount of breast milk. But do try straight formula first if that is route you choose to go down as she may take it just fine. In fact many LOs will take a different drink better from a different cup or bottle so if she usually gets EBM in a bottle perhaps a spouted sippy would be better for the formula so she isn't expecting EBM and gets a shock.

Is she an independent sleeper or is the BFing at night a prop?

[weaver]

Sweetie, if you're feeling so tired, then you need to look at what you're eating. A very wise MW once said the same thing to me and it made a huge difference.  Maybe you need more dense calories in your diet?  You might feel differently if you didn't feel worn out.  I know I still have to eat more than I 'usually' would even though LO2 is now 17 mos and taking only 2/3 feeds a day.

BF is absolutely not something you should do if you don't want to.   Never feel you *have* to.  You've done really well to get so far, especially with no IRL support.  (())

[Violet's mom]

Thanks ladies for the support.  I'm just very worn out emotionally. 

She takes the EBM out of a straw cup and a little water out of a sippy (sprout but doesn't have to suck).

Thank you for the suggestions - I will give them  a try.

We tried for 3 weeks to get her to sleep without the night feed in the hopes she would eat more during the day by sending DH in but it didn't do anything.  I would think after trying for that long she still needs the night feed.  DH wants his wife back so he is willing to feed her during the night a few nights a week even if formula doesn't help with STTN.  I stood in the formula aisle at the store today for 45 mins...  I just feel like a horrible mom regardless of what I do.  I worry about her being allergic - I worry about missing the snuggles - I worry a lot about my emotional health.  I worry about everything.

She nurses 6 to 7 times a day but has started dropping that a little.  My diet is pretty strict - I don't eat dairy and eat mostly poultry.  Fruit, avocado, salad, and Vegis everyday.  Eggs and oatmeal for breakfast.  Gave up chocolate a while ago (it was getting out of control).  Drink only water and almond milk.  I am so sick of always being hungry and thirsty so any suggestions are helpful.

As always, thanks for being there.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

(((Hugs)))

Good point about diet Anne...now are your dietary restrictions for her or for yourself?  I am dairy/soy/beef free right now for DD3 and although I am not a big dairy eater I crave it big time a d find it so hard to eat right (or dh eats food that I had meant for myself!)

Honey, if you go the formula route you are not a horrible mom....you are a great mom making sure that you are doing what is right for you and your lo.

[*Ali*]

Hugs. You are not a horrible mama. You have given your LO a great start even if you decide to stop BFing now, you will always have that.

[cuckoochick]

Oh hun you are not horrible. You could never be. BFing can be emotionally and physically  draining without all those food restrictions. Wish I could come by and give you a big hug. Xxx

[weaver]

You are not horrible, not matter what you decide.  You've tons of mixed feelings  about lots of different things. BFing is an emotional thing in any case and sounds a bit like DH is putting a bit of pressure on you, which can't help. 

On the diet side: I'm vegetarian and have had to give up dairy, I also avoid soy.    I've had to reintroduce fish and that's made a difference to me. 

I have a really fast metabolism and I found I just have to eat *more* or I feel like a wet dish-cloth.  These days I have breakfast, a snack with LOs, lunch, another snack, dinner with LOs and a sort of second dinner later. 

Can you add nut butters into your diet? The classic peanut butter on a bagel is an excellent energy-giving snack.  Banana + pb "milk" shake is a great filler as well. Almond butter is divine with slices of apple.  Fish? Great for protein and handy for quick lunches. Hummus.  Avocadoes are my best friends, chopped or smushed. Go back on the chocolate! Try making hot choc with your almond milk - very yummy.  When the dairy restriction kicked in (and it's me, for life, not her, sadly), I started baking a whole lot more.  I eat more cake now than I ever did before (lucky me) but healthy-ish kinds that are also good for the LOs.  Apart from the brownies I hide from them.   

I'm sure Ali will set me straight if I'm wrong but I don't think Violet's doing anything out of the ordinary. She will very soon get into solid foods and life will change immensely by the time she's one. 

Not matter what you decide, you'll be doing the right thing.  Just make it the right thing for you. (())

[Violet's mom]

Thanks for understanding and sending the sympathy.  I know you ladies are likeminded and understand what I am going through so that helps a ton.  It's the weekend though so at least DH lets me sleep in so i can reset a little.  And I joined a gym but am nervous about burning too many much needed calories. 

Ok I will try eating more - I  just kind if plateaued with the weight loss and am not quite where I used to be which makes it hard to fit into clothes.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

One thing I noticed after having kids was that my hips never went back the way they were before and my shape changed permanently.  I really need to focus on eating things that pack a nutritional punch now though. Hope you get a nice lie in!

[Violet's mom]

Feeling better - got to sleep in and go to a Zumba class and have taken weaver's advice about eating more.  Violet took 3 oz of formula this afternoon while DH told me to get lost. 

I'm not as conflicted thanks to all the support!  We are going to take it slow - I might hang on to the am and pm bf'ing sessions and maybe start weaning the afternoon ones.  I know that might affect my milk supply so we will see what happens!
Thanks again everyone.