9.5 month DS Refusing to BF

[Kymmi13]

Hello Ladies.

My DS is now 9.5 months and until recently, I was happily nursing him at night right before bed.  He self weaned his morning nursing session months ago - he would refuse to nurse, even after sleeping 12+ hours straight.  He gets a sippy cup with a straw during the day with EBM.

The past 3 nights, I have tried to nurse him at bedtime, he would lay on the nursing pillow and then latch on but then plop off and start crying.  I rocked him and settled him and then tried to nurse him again.  I did this three times the other night and finally, I got the hint from him that he just wanted to be laid down.  Once I set him in his crib, he scooted to his favorite corner and fell asleep and I didn't hear a peep until the next morning.  The next night was pretty much the same and tonight was the same as well. 

He has been sick the past few days AND he's been teething on/off.  He has his top and bottom two teeth in and he's getting more.  The first night he didn't nurse I thought it could be due to teething pain.  The second night he didn't nurse I thought maybe it was him being OT.  Tonight, I thought maybe he was congested and couldn't breathe, so, I did a saline spray and I gave him some baby Tylenol for his teeth.  He did latch on but plopped off and cried hard. 

He also was crying in his bath (which he never does) and cried hard on the changing table after his bath.  We moved his BT up by 30 minutes today thinking it possibly could be OT - but he still was upset.  Maybe his cold?

Any advice out there?  I'm not sure if he's not nursing because he can't breathe when he tries to or if he's self weaning.  When he gets upset like this, he sucks his thumb to calm down and he self soothes in his crib when I lay him down by sucking.  I would think that if he is congested, he would have a tough time thumb sucking as well.

I'm not sure what else I can try.  I don't want to give up nursing him yet but I'm starting to worry since it's been 3 nights that he hasn't nursed.  Any thoughts?

[*Ali*]

Is is so rare for babies under about 18mo to self-wean. Sounds like a nursing strike, possibly due to discomfort from teething and or his cold. Have a look to this link and see what you think. Is my baby weaning or is it a nursing strike?

Is your LO drinking enough other fluids and eating solid food?

[eva026]

That sounds like what my DD did when on a nursing strike

[Kymmi13]

DS gets lots of food (EBM and solids).  The night nursing session is part of his bedtime ritual and he definitely doesn't need the food - he uses it more to soothe.  We usually have dinner at 5pm where he eats a variety of foods and has a cup w/straw and will drink 5-6oz of EBM.  Bath is 6:30pm and his last night feeding is at 6:45pm.  So, I BF him almost 2 hours after dinner - he usually will drink until he falls asleep. 

I read the link you posted and it all makes sense.  It could possibly be his cold and/or teething pain.  I will continue to offer him the breast and see how it goes.

On a side note - after reading that post, I am wondering if I should try to re-introduce the morning BF session back.  I had stopped because I was under the impression he was self weaning.  In the morning, DH would get him and change and dress him for the day.  I would then come into the room and BF him.  A few months ago, he started to drink less and less during the day.  He was just too distracted and wanted to go play.  I would even close the door and dim the lights.  He would still only nurse for 5 minutes.  After a couple of weeks of this, he got to the point where he wouldn't even latch - he would lay on the nursing pillow and roll the opposite way of the breast or he would arch his back and try to sit up.  Since I have a 3 year old DD, if DS would hear just the slightest noise from her, he would be reaching for the door to go out and play. 

Now, when we get him up in the morning, we don't even feed him until 30-45minutes later.  He eats breakfast with the entire family.  I'm not sure if it's possible to even get him to nurse at this time as he enjoys sitting at the table and watching everyone.

I feel somewhat selfish because I want to find a time where I can BF him because I enjoy the bond so much.  I'm not quite sure what to do at this point.  Any suggestions/recommendations would be great appreciated.

[eva026]

Just make sure he is getting enough milk as it is supposed to be the main source of nutrition till 1yo. Have you tried cutting way back on solids so he is hungry for the milk?
We had the same situation with DD being too distracted to BF and the only thing that worked was to nurse her when she was just coming out of sleep. She'd have to still be half dozing. You could also try a nursing necklace. I didn't bother buying one because I have so many beaded necklaces at home, just make sure the tread is strong so DS can't  snap it.

To be honest, when a nursing strike came I had to drop all easy sources of milk (no bottles or sippies) and only BF for a while, till it passed. Later I reintroduced the bottle but only at the DF and I'd drop that too at the slightest sign of a strike. DD was a lazy BF and would catch on very fast that you could get milk from easier sources than BF;)

Another thing that springs to mind is that I would pump, just before BF till letdown and then pop DD on quick so she didn't get frustrated there was no instant milk.
Could you get your 3yo involved in the process? During tough times I got DH to stand behind me and entertain DD while she BFed. Maybe your 3yo could show him toys or draw pictures to show him over your shoulder to keep him latched?

IN our case I was desperate to keep DD BFing as long as possible because pumping didn't work for us. It took ages and ages to get one bottle and my supply would steadily go down. But I do know people who have exclusively pumped till LO was over 1yo and it worked for them.

[*Ali*]

I was also going to suggest feeding as soon as he wakes in the morning, perhaps in your bed or a chair in his darkened nursery.

Is he having a few sippy a of milk in the day or just that one? Ideally you want him to be having at least 15-20oz of milk in 24hrs. You can add it to his foods like cereal or milky puddings to get extra oz in.

[Kymmi13]

He has at least 20oz of BM in 24 hours - probably more.  He has a healthy appetite - 97percentile in height and 85percentile in weight. 

He refused to nurse again last night.  We let me play an extra 10 minutes and took him to his bath.  He immediately started crying.  And then cried harder when we set him on his changing table.  He calmed down when we picked him up and let him say goodnight to his sister.  He then started crying again when I laid him on the nursing pillow - arching his back and rolling trying to get off.  I held him and rocked him and shh'd him.  He wouldn't calm down so I sent back out to the living room where DH and DD were reading.  He instantly stopped crying and had smiles!  I think he just is fighting sleep.  We let him play for another 10-15 minutes and then it was soothing him to sleep by walking around a dark house until he was drowsy.  I tried to nurse him once again when he was drowsy, but he refused and got upset again.  I finally laid him in his crib and he complained for 10-15 minutes and fell asleep until the next morning.

I tried to BF him as soon as he woke up  - but he was not having it.  He screamed and cried and I finally just brought him out to the living room where he happily played.  He started to complain loudly and pulling on DH pant leg and I tried to nurse him 2 times but he did not want it.  After 45 minutes of him complaining, we finally gave him his sippy cup and he chugged 4-5oz right away. 

I feel awful that I want him to BF because I want that bonding experience to last as long as possible.  But, he obviously has other ideas.  He just wants the freedom to play and eat as he wishes.  What should I do?

[eva026]

I'd say it's up to you. If you pump well and it doesn't decrease your supply to only pump and you don't want to go through the stress of breaking a nursing strike then you can just exclusively pump. It didn't work for me personally because of the time it took and the decrease in my supply.
If you do decide to deal with the nursing strike you have to be strong. Read over the link Ali sent you again and try all those things. You also have to stop giving him his sippy because if he knows he's getting milk in that anyway, he will hold out. I'm not saying to starve him into submission but give milk to him in another way.  Try a bottle with a S nipple or the medela calma bottle worked great for us. Sth that is going to make him work for the milk like he has to at the breast.
I've just remembered that nursing in a position she wasn't used to also helped. As did nipple shields to fool her into thinking she was getting her bottle.
I'd pump, pump till letdown, pop on the nipple shield and try nurse her laying down.

[Kymmi13]

Hello Ladies!

First off, I want to send a big THANK YOU to all that has commented with suggestions and ideas - I LOVE LOVE LOVE this forum and I always get the best support and advice. 

So now....here's my update: 

LO has been breastfeeding successfully for the last 4 nights!!  YAY!!!  He even breastfed for 3 of the 4 mornings after those nights.  One morning he attempted several times to feed but couldn't because his nose was too stuffed up to continue sucking...poor little guy. 

There were lots of changes we made to help him get comfortable enough to feed.  I think the main thing here was that he had a lot going on: teething, OT and a cold.  His OT was due to the time change in our area (we moved our clocks back 1 hour), so, he was getting stretched an hour for his routine and by the time bedtime rolled around, he was OT.  I tried to combat this 2 weeks prior to the time change by shifting him 15 minutes for every 3-4 days, it still didn't matter because once he's tired in the afternoon, he's tired (even if he's had 2 solid naps of 1.5 hours each).

We ended up asking big sister to jump in the bath with him so he would be distracted with her and all the toys floating around.  Then we would dry him off and change him into his PJs in the bathroom (before, he would bathe by himself and get changed in his room and he would immediately cry and work himself up into a frenzy while in the water).  I would then take him and walk him around the house with all the lights turned off and hum to him quietly.  I then would walk into his room and sway him back and forth until he laid comfortably on my shoulder and was sucking on his thumb.  I then would sit down and lay him on the nursing pillow and switch his thumb with my breast and he happily nursed. 

Last night, I didn't have to do all that, I just took him out of the bathroom and went straight into his room and laid him on the pillow and he nursed until he fell asleep.

It is the BEST feeling to have my little boy back.  It's indescribable the feeling I have in my heart when I see him laying there asleep and so angelic. 

THANK YOU ALL SO VERY VERY VERY MUCH.  I will cherish every day I get to nurse him because I know it will not last...he is growing so very fast.


HUGS TO ALL!!!

[*Ali*]

So happy for you. Well done mama!

[eva026]

Great news:))