Author Topic: How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?  (Read 794 times)

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Offline AMJ

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How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?
« on: November 13, 2013, 09:28:54 am »
Hello to all. Just wanted to say that I've found so much help on this forum so far! Thanks for all the people who keep it going from the bottom of my heart!

I wanted to ask how can I prepare for separation anxiety. I want to be ready and know how to deal with it the right way so there won't be anything to fix afterwards. How do you deal with it during A and how do you deal with it for the naps and at night?

Thank you in advance!



Offline amayzie

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Re: How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2013, 10:38:53 am »
Oh Hon! Sounds like there might be a bit of mummy anxiety in there!! Try not to worry too much- your LO may not get too bad with it- not all babies do. I always tried to make sure that i had as much time as i could with my LO- lots of hugs and close time... I used a baby carrier to 'wear' my little guy at the shops and such. I found if he logged a lot of time WITH mummy he wasn't as clingy at other times.

I also found that even from quite young DH and I had to really make sure we stuck to taking it in turns to do bed time and other things through the day or Hamish would decide to just want mummy if i did bed time too many times in a row. We would also make sure that daddy stuck with it even if he was calling for me...

SO much of it does come down to temperament though- some bubs just need their mummy RIGHT THERE more than others. I do recommend a baby carrier or similar if you do find there are times that your LO just HAS to be with mummy so you can get stuff done!
Katy, Mummy to Hamish!


Offline AMJ

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Re: How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2013, 11:28:46 am »
lol yes very anxious. The carrier is a great idea, but with regards to putting LO to bed, my husband never tried it. I'm even afraid to try lol.
What about if LO wakes from the nap or at night and wants you, you try to resettle in the crib, and try not to pick up, right? or you can pick them up and cuddle? and then try resettling?
what if they keep waking and wanting you??
I've read in the book that you can put a mattress beside their crib and then I assume place a hand on them to calm them right, but only for no more then 2 nights because then it becomes a habit.
thank you for your reply



Offline amayzie

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Re: How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2013, 11:39:43 am »
Ok- So you don't need to orry about ANY of that until you see what she does. With resettling you just need to see what works for you- there are lots of different approaches- you can pick her up by all means! SOmetimes bubs just need a little cuddle and then they are right to settle again no problems. I would generally try something like picking my DS up to calm him initially and then laying him back into the cot once he's calm (but not asleep) and then doing someting lke shh-pat to settle hiim in the cot.

The matress in the room is an approach you might use i would suggest in a more serious situation- where you are having to spend heaps of time in there trying to resettle. Basically the idea is that if you are thinking 'oh my goodness- the only way i can get her to sleep is to bring her into bed with me!!' - you MIGHT consider a mattress on the floor so you can be close to her and so that you can then start moving out. Don't worry about it being a habit as you can move it gradually further away and then out of the room.

Again- generally it's best to just wait it out and see how things pan out- you might find that sleeping isn't a problem but that going out in public to unfamiliar places is where she is most tricky- if youkeep her routine at bed time nice and consistent i think this will help with getting her settled.

Also- is there a reason DH doesn't do bed time? Is he getting plenty of other time with the bubba so you can have some you time? I just know that the bed time can be reall tiring- you are at the end of your patience- DH taking a shift can be a weight off you!
Katy, Mummy to Hamish!


Offline AMJ

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Re: How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2013, 13:27:10 pm »
thank you so much for all the info! it does helps me with my anxiety!
I'm dont really know why I never got Dh to do the BT. When DD was tiny I used to feed to S and I think it started from there. My DH is in dental school so he is quiet tired when he gets home plus he needs to study. I guess we will give it a try slowly-start we both of us in the room and then just him with DD.
Thanks so much for the advice!



Offline creations

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Re: How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2013, 22:20:40 pm »
Hi, I just wanted to add some support really. Sounds like you are a lovely mummy planning ahead for the hard times :) Your DD is lucky to have you :)

On a practical level the only thing I think you can do 'wrong' during SA is to believe that your child is being manipulative or in some way bad and that leaving them alone with their anxiety will some how toughen them up and get them used to being without you - and it sounds like you are the total opposite of this so there is nothing to worry about.  IMO you can never give your baby too many hugs or pick her up too much, yes you might fear habits etc but ALL of those things can be undone if necessary.  Often the more you be with them during SA the quicker and smoother it goes, they are reassured that you will always be there and will then need you less as their confidence returns.  During A time this might mean taking her to the toilet with you, offering her to come with you every time you leave the room, planning in advance so that you need to leave the room less, making some easy meals and letting the cleaning slide for a few days just so you can spend as much time very close to her as possible.  With nights I've sat in the room half the night, laid on the floor by his cot with my hand on him, even climbed in the cot and slept there with him!  Not very comfortable for either of us but at least he knew I was there.  I have always found that as soon as soon as the SA passes he goes straight back to independent sleep with little or only slight encouragement.  He has even signalled for me to leave him alone so he can sleep!
I think SA is the hardest when you fight it. If you can kind of give in to it and roll with it for a few days it is so much easier on everyone.

WRT DH putting her down to bed, sounds like a good plan to at least let him see how you do the BT routine and put down and I agree with katy that there are times when it is hard work having someone else to take some of the strain is great, but I also think if you are all happy with your set up then that's fine too.  My DP has only put DS to bed maybe 3 times, each time when I was very very ill, I was surprised that either of them managed but they did - when needs must.  He did nap time once or twice per week in the last few months before the nap was totally dropped but BT PD has always been my thing, and I expect it will remain so for a long time to come (there are other ways daddy's can support mummy's and help reduce the strain if bed time is not their thing - picking up some other household chores or cooking for instance).


Offline AMJ

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Re: How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2013, 17:30:36 pm »
thank you so much for the info and your kind words!! I like to be prepared and you provided lots of great info. thank you



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Re: How to be ready for Separation ANXIETY?
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2013, 18:21:18 pm »
 :-*