2.5yo refusing naps & BT- Help!

[MissyD]

Hi! My 2.5yo has recently started refusing to sleep for both naps and bedtime. I believe this is due to a number of things (1-0 nap transition, APOP while teething molars and us moving to my in-laws place) and now I am more confused than ever.

 He used to sleep wonderfully, going down for naps and bedtime independently and STTN as he responded well to PUPD as a baby. What I am wondering now is how do we re-train him to sleep independently as he is waaay to big for PUPD.

Naps are a hit and miss depending on how tired he is. But BT he flat out refuses to sleep. We do our wind down (brush teeth, read book, water & tuck-in) then leave the room. Minutes later he will yell for DH or myself. If we don't go in he will proceed to scream and then open the door to find us. If we go in (which is what we are doing now) he will stall us by asking for more water, to sleep beside him, etc. When we manage to get out of the room, he will start screaming again in 5 minutes and this can go one for a couple of hours, really growing off our night routine.

Our typical day looks like this.

WU 730
Nap 1230 PD (He won't actually sleep until 115/130. I usually dont have to go in but sometimes he will call me in once or twice. I tried putting him down later at 130 but he won't sleep until 230 and by then our routine is off and he's OT)
115/130-230 nap
730 BT (but he doesn't actually sleep until 9/930)

My son is a somewhat spirited child and staying with my in-laws doesn't help. Before bed he is up running around the house with my in-laws and pretty much bouncing off the walls . I try to wind him down for a good 30 mins before BT. Is this enough of a wind down? Should I be doing something else to help him wind down?

Also, how would I go about sleep training him at this age? Would WIWO work? We hope to move out soon (within the next couple of months) so sleep training might not happen until then, but I would love to have a plan of action for when the time comes.

Thanks for any advice

[Buttonbobs]

Hi there, you have my sympathies, we are hitting the start of the 1-0 with my DD and this weekend was filled with nap and BT refusals - so frustrating.

I think WIWO can work, but it depends on the child. My DD prefers me to start with a WIWO but often she'll find this too stimulating and ends up getting more worked up. If you think your presence in the room is making things worse could you try what I do - I often just reassure her with her sleepy phrase from the doorway. If she makes a fuss about me leaving the room at all, I say to her, I'll be back in a minute to check on you and then I go up in a few minutes and say I'll be up in two minutes to check on you, and then lengthen the time again. She is not crying during this time so really I am getting her used to me not being there and she usually dozes off relatively quickly.

Any sleep training will only work if your LO is in bed at the right times for him. I believe during the 1-0 many take the view that all you can do is offer sleep but it is the LOs job to actually fall asleep iyswim.

Is he in a cot/bed?

Has he finished teething his molars? If not, do you offer medicine when he is unable to settle?

Have a read of this:

The 1-0 transition...Advice and Tips to help you through.

There is quite a lot of advice in there about things to try. Does anything seem to suit you and him?

[MissyD]

Thanks for your reply! With my DS, he just doesn't seem to want to sleep.

At the moment he is in his room playing with his lovey while lying down. I put him down for his nap at 1pm, 6hrs after his WU this morning at 8 but he doesn't seem tired at all. He is called me in about 20 minutes after I put him down asking me to give him water, and not wanting to lie down anymore. Finally, he let me leave and I am waiting to see what happens now.

Is this a sign that he is transitioning? Or could it be a bad habit he's picked up since we moved back to the in-laws?  I guess we are sort of doing a form of WIWO? And he currently sleeps on a mattress on the ground. I will take a look at the link you sent. Thanks so much

[Buttonbobs]

Do have a look at it, I really think he may be early on in the 1-0.

My DD wakes at 7ish and wouldn't nap until 1.30/2ish. Admittedly she's always needed long am A and shorter A time before BT, but perhaps it is worth a thought moving the nap a bit later.

Your options are set out really clearly in that link though - have a look and let me know what you thinkx

[MissyD]

Took a look at the link. Very heldpful tips. Will try to implement some of them.

Today was a bad day.

8 WU
1PD but he never napped. Stayed in the room until 3 talking quietly then we gave up. Was expecting him to get tired sometime in the evening but it never came. Early bedtime is not possible bc we are at the inlaws. So he was in bed by 715 and is still awake now. He tries to sleep but he keeps rolling around. I am just sitting in the room with him (in a corner) but he isn't sleeping. He sits up, rolls around, plays with the wall...

From the replies so far I take it he is still in need of ONE short nap a day. Is that right? If so, what time approximately should I be aiming for if our WU is 8? And how long should the nap be? Show long after his nap should bedtime be? I guess I wil try to kuat push the nap later tomorrow and see what happens. I feel like he is also getting used to all our APOPing that I wonder how much of it is that and perhaps not even the nap transition. ??

[Buttonbobs]

It sounds like you want to go for the moving nap later but keeping WU from it the same and BT the same. I would move nap fifteen minutes or half an hour later but wake him up at the same time as normal and then go for normal BT.

If he's waking at 8am - I think expecting a 7pm BT is too early. We are doing a 7am WU, 1.30pm nap and 8pm BT. She doesn't always sleep straight away but it works. On a nursery day we can put her down a little earlier.

[MissyD]

The past couple of days DS has skipped his nap. I do put him into his room at about 2pm (8wu) and let him sit quietly and just lay down. I call it"quiet time" and tell him he can rest or sleep, so long as he stays on his mattress and is quiet. By 3, I let him out. He has gone to bed at 730 but doesn't fall asleep until 830. Is this ok? I fear he isn't getting enough sleep. I have had to stay in the room at night until he sleeps (I just sit in the corner) or he will cry and whine. I figure if it makes him fall asleep faster then why not. Although I don't think it's a good habit to start.