How to improve naps and stop my obsession so I can enjoy being a mum

[Ascw]

Hi,

I could really do with some help and advice as I am spending so much time stressing about naps I am paralysed to do anything else & am missing out on the enjoyment of being a mum.

My daughter is 18 weeks old (4 months & 5 days) and I have been constantly struggling with naps.

She has been STTN since c. 8 weeks old from c. 1900-0650 (no dream feed).

Apart from a brief spell At c. 2 months she has never been a great napper. At 3 months we were hit by the 45 min cat nap with a very very occasional 1.5 hour nap.

If I time it right then I can put my daughter into her sleeping bag & her cot after a short nap routine & she goes to sleep within a few minutes by herself. She is no longer swaddled and sucks her own thumb.

I have tried leaving her for 10-15 minutes to fuss it out & I have tried going in straight away to shush pat but normally I am unable to extend.

Reading this forum I tried to extend her morning awake time from c. 1 hr 20 to 1 hr 35 last week and I ended up with several days of 35 minute catnaps that she would wake up from crying and unable to go back to sleep. It was horrible and we took a step backwards with multiple cat naps for several days.

Her rough day is:

0640/0650 awake but leave in cot until 0700

E: 0700-0730
A:
S: 0820 ish - 0855
A: spend 30-40 mins trying to get her back to sleep then give up & do light activity
E: c. 1030-1100
A: try & keep her up for another 10 mins
S: 1110-1145

... Day descends into APOP to try & get a longer nap OR multiple mini catnaps

1800 bath
E: 1820-1850
S: 1900

Please help. I don't know if I should try extending the morning awake time & if so how to do it without ending up horribly tired for the rest of the day.

If not should I go for the BW approach of completely watching the clock for 2 weeks even if so far I have had no success in extending the naps? Will it ruin our nights?

I am so stressed that I know I am not spending time helping my daughter enjoy other activities/ learn we just spend most of the day trying to her to nap for longer.  I feel like a failure for not getting her into more of a nap routine and a failure for obsessing so much.

Thanks for any help/ reassurance

[michaeljacknnugg]

Firstly, the reassurance. Your daughter has STTN since she was 8 weeks - that's amazing!! Pat yourself on the back! We didn't get STTN until DS was 8-9 months, and not consistently until he was 2! Obviously you are getting something really right for her.

So, with the thought that she is doing really well at night, it might be one of a few things:
- She is getting most of her sleep needs at night
- She needs to learn to transition between sleep cycles during the day
- It's one of those developmental things that she will grow out of in time (I think there is normally a short nap period at about this age)

My DS is low sleep needs andd whilst I followed EASY, his naps were never going to be as long as the book said (it took me a while to realise this). We ended up on more of an EASAE routine which worked fine for us.

Is she tired after the short naps, or doing OK? Does she put in a longer nap if she is out, say in the buggy or the car? I would give yourself as much of a break as possible and work around her naps, but don't feel the need to be home for all of them. You need some sanity and contact with the outside world, and she needs as relaxed a mummy as possible!

[Ascw]

Thank you so much do the reply and reassurance. I really am very lucky with the nights and very grateful.

 Until about 2 weeks ago she would wake up happy after her short nap, now she wakes up crying.  That had been around when I started to extend the nap more actively rather than just waiting 10 mins. It's also when I started to extend the morning wake time towards 1 hr 45 minutes. I am putting her down today when she is tired (which was only 1 hr 20 mins) but I think she has some daytime sleep to catch up on.

In the buggy (still in the flat pram) she does occasionally sleep for longer but even if I am walking non-stop she does not always sleep more than 45 mins but she will sleep in the car (as long as the engine is running)for a good 2 hours.  She did extend a few sleeps on her own a few weeks ago but now all her naps are even shorter than 45 mins.

[anna*]

short naps at 3-4 months? Take it easy, it will get better!
This is a really good post...