I give up

[Eva's Mummy]

For months my DD has been a terrible eater,practicallyrefusing everythingi offer apart from weetabix,toast, pasta with tomato sauce and fish dippers, oh and fruit and yohurt. Now i cant even get her to eat that. She eats well3 days a week at the CM's but totally refuses all meals at home. She might live on a satsuma and a small yoghur all day,it is driving me mad.

New foods get spat out (literally she puts her head over the edge of the chair and spits it on the floor. Food she usuallyl likes get chewed then picked out of her mouth or everything just gets flung before getting anywhere near her mount, or rubbed straight in her hair. She then starts hitting herself on the head if i try to keep feeding her.

I offer exactly the same foods as the CM but it wont get eaten here.

[Lolly]

She sounds like a typical toddler to me! The majority of them go through this, they can actually live on fresh air apparently

What is a typical day like now, being tired was always a reason my two wouldn't eat! How much milk is she having and when? Is she self feeding with a spoon/ fork. Are you feeding her at the same times the CM does?

Laura

[michaeljacknnugg]

Hugs Gail!

If her weight gain is still on the same curve she is doing ok, maddening as the behaviour may be. She may be eating so well elsewhere that she needs little food at home.

[snowbird]

My first thought is are you showing her your 'stress' about all this? We did babyled weaning and have nevery commented on what LJddoes or doesn't eat. She eats well most of the time but we have had occasions where she will not eat much - once for weeks. Hard to stay calm when feeling so anxious I know but really important for me. Lj went to bed without dinner and we just said ok that's fine. The most I would say to her is are you sure you don't want anymore x/want to try x?

Could this be part of it do you think? Xxx

[Lana]

As hard as it is you need to just put the food in front of her and let her decide if she wants to eat.  She will not starve herself.  If she is throwing or spitting  then just calmly take her food away or take her down with a simple "Oh I can see you are all done"

Eating is one area your child has all the control and once they realise that they will use it

[Eva's Mummy]

Thanks everyone. She is tired i think the CM pusher her a bit much to fit with everyone else. At homeshe naps at 11 at the CM it is 12:30 but she falls aleep at home (prob catching up from the long A times the day before). I give her lunch after her nap so at 1 the CM gives it at 11:45 before her nap.
She has milk on WU and milk at BT thats all.

Maybe she does realise i am stressed, its been going on that long that i dread every meal now.

She definitly likes to show she has control,she is getting more and more determined with things she wants.

So basically you are all telling me i need to stop worrying, its normal. I'm dreading the xmas holidays so CM so she will need to eat for me or it will be 2 weeks of hunger.

[michaeljacknnugg]

It is really, really hard not to worry, I am the same with DS's sleep. Eventually I have realised I can only offer the opportunity, I have no control.

My friend has two boys, and with the elder they worried and worried about his eating. With the younger they consciously decided not to worry and he is by far the better eater, they are the same weight!  BUT the elder takes after his small mum, the younger after their taller dad. Maybe they just have different needs?

[Lolly]

It is hard not to worry but as someone wiser than me has said on these boards before it's our job to provide a healthy and varied diet and it's their job to eat it! She really, honestly won't starve herself if she is hungry and you have offered her something she likes she will eat it.

Is she teething at the moment? If her 1 year molars are coming through that really won't be helping.

While she isn't at the minders I would try and push her nap a bit later than 11 and give her something to eat before the nap. If the nap is too early then even if it's a good one she will be very tired at tea time.

There have been plenty of times my kids have gone to bed with no dinner in them at all but they seem to sleep ok!

Laura

[jessmum46]

The worst thing you can possibly do really with a toddler's eating is show that it bothers you.  I say that with a big hug and realise how hard it is.  But you have to take the mentality of mummy's job is to provide a healthy, varied diet and the opportunities to eat it. And that's where your responsibility ends.  LOs job is to eat it.  Or not.  Their choice.  An otherwise healthy child will not let themselves starve.  What you absolutely want to avoid is a power struggle.  So no cajoling, no attempts to force, no getting angry.  Only just neutral comments such as "oh I see you're throwing your food, you must be all done.  Let mummy take it away". Take the plate into the kitchen, have a minute to yourself and take a deep breath.  "I will NOT be bothered by this".  Then go back in and offer dessert if you were going to.  Then get LO down and carry on with the day. 

As pp said toddlers can only control two things - what goes in and what comes out.  Not surprising they are the sources of biggest stress to parents and commonest referrals to paediatrics

[jessmum46]

Ha, LOL, as much as I have just said what 'a wise person said' I don't think it was me in the first place!!

[Lolly]

 

Laura

[Eva's Mummy]

Right i am going to try not to stress (TRY) being the right word. It is hard to offer what she likes as she doesn't seem to like anything. So think i'll just try everything.

She is teething her 1 year molars just now,all 4 are popping through and to make matters worse she has just thrown up tonight after i put her to bed. This is not the explanation though as it has been going on for months.

She likes trying to feed herself with a fork so ill try to stick to things she can do that with.

[Lolly]

She is teething her 1 year molars just now, all 4 are popping through and to make matters worse she has just thrown up tonight after i put her to bed. This is not the explanation though as it has been going on for months.

It could be though, the teeth take ages to move up through the jaw and because they are wide teeth they take longer to break through. My DS was awful for months just after he turned 2, we blamed the new baby and then we spotted 3 new teeth and one nearly through

Laura

[snowbird]

Big hugs and lots of support - know it really is difficult. Xxx