(Almost) 28-month-old totally neurotic about sleep!

[lady5280]

Hi all, we have semi-recently come to some very tough times with sleep with LO. It was smooth sailing there for a while, with me nursing LO for his nap until nearly sleeping, then nursing before bed. At BT LO would either roll over in the crib or sing and talk to himself until he fell asleep. Things are unraveling around here now though. Naps are a struggle, with LO not getting as sleepy with mommy milk as he used to, so that he pops up in the crib as soon as I try to leave the room. He has all of these demands now too. Water, potty, rub my back, sleep with me in here, etc..This usually ends in some tears and me getting very frustrated. BT is worse. I'm sorry to say I have had to let him cry for 3-5 minutes some nights bc I get so frustrated at him standing up in the crib and asking for everything he can think of. He ends up yelling over me and will not let me get a word in. I can't let it turn into a power struggle and am at my wits end. Once finally asleep his nights are awful, ranging from 2-6 NW. He recently started asking for a night light so I thought maybe he's having bad dreams, or maybe it's teething (he has a nasty looking molar just below the surface that will NOT come in), or maybe he's having some separation anxiety. Okay I realize I'm rambling so let me wrap it up with a sample of his old schedule compared to the new one we have been having to do:

Old schedule:
Awake around 7
Nap around 1 or 1:30 and lasting anywhere from 1.5-2 hours ish
BT 8:30ish

This was working great for quite some time but then it all went downhill all of a sudden, starting with earlier mornings and shorter naps.

Awake 6
Nap 12:30 ish and only 1.5 hours MAX
BT 7:30
NW anywhere from 2-6 times, with him telling me that he is "done sleeping!" Let me also note that he has been happily wanting to go in the crib without mommy milk at BT, but then protesting and demanding it as soon as I try to leave the room.

Any suggestions? Maybe a gro-clock type thing? I feel like we are in danger of losing BT trust (if we haven't already) and I hate that I have resorted to letting him cry when I swore I never would.

Help!

[lady5280]

I should also add that when he asks for these things he seems to get very upset and almost panicky when I gently tell him "No honey, it's time for sleep now." Tonight after his bath he told me "NO sleep, I don't like sleep!" and was getting visibly upset...I am so worried he will start to associate sleep with anxiety.

[lady5280]

Oh one more thing, LO has always been on the lower end of sleep times for his age. Is it possible we are starting the 1-0 transition this early? On Christmas Day he refused to nap but then fell asleep on the way home around 5:30 for about 15 minutes, then slept through the night starting at 7:30.

[jenn1975]

We're right there with you! Same age. It's been going on here for almost two months. Everyday I swear I'm going to drop his nap but I've been given advice on here to wait and ride it out. I guess it's a common age for a major sleep regression.

I'm trying hard to stick to our routine. If he's still acting possessed in another two weeks, we will give it a shot and try a few days of no naps.

Good luck!!!

[*Becky*]

teething can be slow and can bring out SA in my experience...DD had a molar that took ages to come in and for about 4 weeks she would wake every night for up to 2 hours, it was awful! Have you had his ears checked just to rule out discomfort or tried pain meds to see if they help?

[creations]

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time atm.

WRT to leaving him due to your frustration. Can you 'ignore' his shouting and cries by mentally blocking them out whilst you focus on your own mantra and use a key phrase to both verbally reassure him whilst giving your own brain something to focus on (that is not his screams or requests) by repeating your mantra over and over. For instance, rather than totally leaving perhaps position yourself just outside his door (get a chair in place so you have relative comfort, being uncomfortable yourself only leads to more frustration, make yourself a cuppa before BT/nap time and place it there in readiness and make sure you go pee before hand too) then deep breath and begin your mantra in a calm, reassuring, instructional tone, "it's sleepy time, go to sleep", "it's sleepy time, go to sleep"...
I have found on occasion this can really help me focus on those words I am saying out loud and helps me remain somewhat detached from the emotional onslaught of crying/screaming/begging, whilst at the same time your child hears you and even though he shouts and raves he KNOWS you are there and that ultimately he might be angry or frustrated but he is safe.
Tracy suggested ear plugs, maybe that would help (I believe you can still hear LO but at a reduced level so reducing your natural emotional response)?

FWIW we had a long struggle with teeth (a full year of molars) and with the 1-0. I found with the 1-0 my LO needed a long nap every single day right up to the point he stopped napping completely. Here there was no gradual nap reduction either in length of nap or number of days he napped/didn't nap.  I did try several different things but he just needed 2hrs nap and 10.5hr night until he suddenly didn't!  Just shows how LO can all be so different.  Mine dropped the nap totally at 32 months, it isn't unheard of for a 28 month old to be reducing naps.  You might try shorter naps daily, or long naps but give a NND once every 2 weeks then once per week, twice per week etc.  I think it's kind of trial and error to see what your LO's personal needs are in this respect.
One other things might be worth thinking of - mine only ever says he doesn't want to go to bed (or that he is done sleeping) when he is OT. If he is not OT he mentions nothing about BT and just goes through his routine. If OT he follows the routine but needs dragging through certain parts and will shout he is not tired. Actually he is super tired and just doesn't know what to do with himself.
x

[lady5280]

Well a couple of nights ago LO slept through the night and then took a 2-hour nap the next day. Thought we were back on track but then he caught a cold and we're back to tons of NWs and refusing nap. It's so frustrating when he won't nap when he's sick bc he looks awful but just will not sleep! I tried the mantra thing with him in the early hours of this morning, and my repetition made him start screaming at the top of his lungs at me! I was tempted to sleep on the hard floor next to his crib with him or bring him to our bed bc he just wanted comfort I think, but I am afraid of starting something he thinks will be a nightly thing.

Guess I'll wait until this cold passes and then see where we are. :/

BTW I haven't taken him to the doc to check for an ear infection, but he hasn't shown any signs that they are bothering him. Will wait it out on that too. Thanks for the suggestions! I will keep you all posted And good luck, @ Jenn! Let me know if you find anything that works!!

[creations]

I was tempted to sleep on the hard floor next to his crib with him or bring him to our bed bc he just wanted comfort I think, but I am afraid of starting something he thinks will be a nightly thing.

I understand your reluctance.  If he is fully independent I would think you could do either of these during a phase and that once the phase is over things will return to normal with little or no gradual weaning. I've rarely done similar, my boy doesn't sleep if I bring him to my bed so if he agrees to be there I know he is prioritising being close to me and getting the comfort from me as worth more than sleep.  Same when I've tried to sleep in his room and even in his cot (when he was younger), he can't sleep until he literally passes out and but it's a rubbish sleep, only ever at times when he's been desperate for my company otherwise he would tell me to go away or cry until I offer to leave then settle in less than 30 seconds.  I know this isn't the same for everyone, props do/can form, but I've seen so many threads with similar experience to mine, independent sleepers generally want their own bed and space to get on with sleeping.

Sorry to hear he is poorly

[lady5280]

Hey again, just wanted to update you all and get some more advice. LO has started sleeping through the night (mostly) now that he's healthy again. However, now he is doing EWs, and has significantly decreased total sleep hours. So now he will go to bed BT 7:30-8 and wake around 5:45, at which point he is very wet and will almost never settle back to sleep again. We got one of those sleep clocks but after 5 nights it seems like he's waking earlier and earlier! He understands green means it's okay to wake, but he still wants to get up before that (6:15 is the current time). I'm going to jump over to that thread but wanted to see if anyone has any suggestions? His naps are also still shorter than they used to be (1.5 hours max).

Thanks again!

[*Becky*]

I would double diaper (nappy) if he is waking wet as when they wake at that time it is harder for them to fall back to sleep. As for the clock have you remained consistent i.e. not allowing him out of the room until the light comes on? It sometimes takes a little bit for them to get used to the new expectations but if you make sure you keep him in bed and then make a big deal of the light coming on he 'should' start to understand.
1.5 hours for the nap actually sounds ok for his age - what time is his nap and BT now?

[jenn1975]

Hi there. I just wanted to give you an update as to our situation since they're the same age...

After about 3 months of weirdness ( night wakings, two colds, one ear infection, crying for us when we put him down for bed, night fears, needing to go pee once or twice in the night, taking over an hour to fall asleep)...... I think we might be past it. Don't want to jinx it, but he seems to have settled down finally. I hope! It's been about a week.

We tried everything... Went 4 days in a tow with no nap, earlier BT, bit later BT, etc.

What happened as of now, is that his whole schedule took a later shift. Nap is later and capped at an hour, BT is almost 9pm (yikes!!!), and WU is around 8am.

I'm pretty sure we're on the last leg before he drops the nap, once the above new later schedule goes wonky again. So, in order to keep this last nap awhile longer, I've accepted the later and shorter night, and everything else. I fought it for awhile, wanting him to have an earlier BT and longer night, but once I gave in and realized he was actually UT for naps and BT and went with that, it's finally calming down.

The 4 days with no nap he actually did ok, but BT and WU were too early and he wasn't extending his night, so I decided to go back to giving the nap. He never refuses it, it was just making BT hellacious, and I think contributing to the NWs.

And a huge part could have been a weird phase.

Anyway, I hope you see things getting back to normal soon. I think with regard to night fears, just continue to offer reassurance and it will pass. We just always comforted him in his room, never in ours. A lot of middle of the night holding and rocking and telling him we were always here. Don't worry about it becoming a habit. Once you see the fear pass, you can get a little more strict.

Good luck!

[lady5280]

Thanks, everyone!

I am happy to report that the clock in his room might be working! Although he does still wake early bc his diaper is wet (he wears cloth so I will definitely start adding another layer!), he has been going back to sleep or at least laying in his bed until the light turns green without too much of a fight. So his light goes on at 6:20 and he will either pop up right around then or if he's had a NW he'll usually sleep a little later bc he has gone potty and is dry. Nap is usually just before 1, and he's up by 2:30. Then BT around 7:30-8. He has always been low sleep needs so 10 hours is pretty decent for him and he is chipper all day (w/nap).

Guess we'll just keep things as they are and hope for some consistency! Now if I could get past my recent sleep troubles (not being able to fall back asleep after either an LO NW or my own NW) I would be a happy camper!

[creations]

Glad to hear the clock is working.

FWIW we had several months of sleep disturbance here whilst my DS was working on night dryness, there was no pressure to be dry other than the pressure he put on himself, once he achieved his goal his sleep settled down (it took a long time, first dry night at 25 months and not 100% dry until 7 months later).
Prior to him working on night dryness he was also flooding his night nappy (cloth also), it was because he was holding most of the night and then a big wee all in one go overwhelmed the nappy.  You might get some alternative suggestions on the cloth diaper thread?